bridesmaids

dottieg92 · February 2015

so my wedding is june 26 2015

I was wondering if anyone has had this happen. so when i first asked people to be my bridesmaids, they were all on board and said yes. Come thanksgiving my original Maid of Honor announced that her and her husband were pregnant and that they were due the same month and week of my wedding. she told me the same info through a phone call as well so i understood that she wasnt going to be able to make it. then my two cousins agreed to be in my wedding as well. but then a month ago one of them backed after keeping me in the dark(with how she was doing with finding her dress etc) and pretty much saying to not expect her at the wedding because she cant get time off her cosmetology classes(which would only be two days) without her grad date being affected. and now her sister might not make it because their mother wont get a job and therefore has no money and no idea how she and my cousin are getting to my wedding. because of all this i have had to ask people from my fiances family to be in the bridal party and a friend from high school which i havnt seen in years that is coming to wedding at the last minute and we are four and half months away from the wedding. right now i just feel like the queen of having to change bridesmaids. im not mad with who i have now, its just been frustrating when my original girls said yes to being part of my day then in a blink of an eye they had to back out

mikenberger · February 2015

dottieg92 said:

so my wedding is june 26 2015
I was wondering if anyone has had this happen. so when i first asked people to be my bridesmaids, they were all on board and said yes. Come thanksgiving my original Maid of Honor announced that her and her husband were pregnant and that they were due the same month and week of my wedding. she told me the same info through a phone call as well so i understood that she wasnt going to be able to make it. then my two cousins agreed to be in my wedding as well. but then a month ago one of them backed after keeping me in the dark(with how she was doing with finding her dress etc) and pretty much saying to not expect her at the wedding because she cant get time off her cosmetology classes(which would only be two days) without her grad date being affected. and now her sister might not make it because their mother wont get a job and therefore has no money and no idea how she and my cousin are getting to my wedding. because of all this i have had to ask people from my fiances family to be in the bridal party and a friend from high school which i havnt seen in years that is coming to wedding at the last minute and we are four and half months away from the wedding. right now i just feel like the queen of having to change bridesmaids. im not mad with who i have now, its just been frustrating when my original girls said yes to being part of my day then in a blink of an eye they had to back out

Why are you replacing bridesmaids when the others dropped out? And with people that you don't seem to really care for? If I were these randoms you were adding to the bridal party, I would've told you no. You don't sound excited about any of them. You don't HAVE to have a bridal party at all.

And what does the mother getting a job have to do with your cousin affording a dress? Is she a minor?

When did you ask your bridal party to be your bridesmaids etc?

Maggie0829 · February 2015

dottieg92 said:

so my wedding is june 26 2015
I was wondering if anyone has had this happen. so when i first asked people to be my bridesmaids, they were all on board and said yes. Come thanksgiving my original Maid of Honor announced that her and her husband were pregnant and that they were due the same month and week of my wedding. she told me the same info through a phone call as well so i understood that she wasnt going to be able to make it. then my two cousins agreed to be in my wedding as well. but then a month ago one of them backed after keeping me in the dark(with how she was doing with finding her dress etc) and pretty much saying to not expect her at the wedding because she cant get time off her cosmetology classes(which would only be two days) without her grad date being affected. and now her sister might not make it because their mother wont get a job and therefore has no money and no idea how she and my cousin are getting to my wedding. because of all this i have had to ask people from my fiances family to be in the bridal party and a friend from high school which i havnt seen in years that is coming to wedding at the last minute and we are four and half months away from the wedding. right now i just feel like the queen of having to change bridesmaids. im not mad with who i have now, its just been frustrating when my original girls said yes to being part of my day then in a blink of an eye they had to back out

People have lives. Those lives continue to happen even if you are getting married. And sometimes those lives they live bring up conflicts that may affect them being able to be a part of your wedding. Does it suck that 3 of them had issues? Yes. But there is nothing you can do about it.

What is bad is that you replaced these people. I mean, if you wanted the replacements to be a part of your wedding in the first place then you would have asked them from the get go, not after people had to sadly drop out. Your wedding party is not something where spots need to be filled, but rather a place for your nearest and dearest to be.

MyNameIsNot · February 2015

I'm not really sure what your question is here.

Why on earth would you replace bridesmaids? And if your cousins were that important but having issues paying for the dress, why would it be on their mother rather than on you to do something about the cost? It looks like you're planning a Friday wedding, which is why it can cause difficulty for someone to take time off school and travel. (And yes, obviously her school is more important to her than your wedding). I'm not sure why the due date in the same month means the MOH can't make it, unless she would have to travel? Did you run your date by your VIPs before you selected it? How long ago did you ask these people to be in the wedding?

It seems like you've got a lot of issues here, but again, I'm not really sure what you're looking for help with.

dottieg92 · February 2015

I asked them two months after i got engaged and then nov my MOH had to drop out becasue she is having a baby in June. then my two cousins started to drop out because one started cosmetology school in Feb and her sister who is 13 may not come because their mom doesnt have any money to buy plane tickets to iowa where the wedding is at
And the "randoms" as you put it are not random people they are related to my fiance. one is the wife of his best man who i have a great friendship with and the other one is my fiances cousin who i love to death and her two kids. i know that bridal parties are not nessicary but it would not make sense to me if he had his boys up there with him and i didnt have anyone on my side.

Marrying him is the most important thing and thats all i care about. i just hate that my girls said yes and were shopping to get their dresses and shoes and now all of a sudden they cant be there

lnixon8 · February 2015

To answer your questions: Yes, many people here have had bridesmaids drop out.

It's alright to be upset that these women (teens?) might not make it. But did you ask your cousins their budgets, one by one, before choosing a dress? Is this an out of town wedding? If you chose an expensive dress (meaning out of their budget, not necessarily what you consider inexpensive) that may be why they are slowly backing out. It sounds like this is an out of town wedding if they need 2 school days (which are significant!) off.

It was wrong to B-list bridesmaids but since it's already done please don't uninvite them. Just ask thier budgets on the dress and don't expect/hint or plan your own bachlorette or shower.

mikenberger · February 2015

dottieg92 said:

I asked them two months after i got engaged and then nov my MOH had to drop out becasue she is having a baby in June. then my two cousins started to drop out because one started cosmetology school in Feb and her sister who is 13 may not come because their mom doesnt have any money to buy plane tickets to iowa where the wedding is at
And the "randoms" as you put it are not random people they are related to my fiance. one is the wife of his best man who i have a great friendship with and the other one is my fiances cousin who i love to death and her two kids. i know that bridal parties are not nessicary but it would not make sense to me if he had his boys up there with him and i didnt have anyone on my side.
Marrying him is the most important thing and thats all i care about. i just hate that my girls said yes and were shopping to get their dresses and shoes and now all of a sudden they cant be there

I don't know when you got engaged. So "two months after I got engaged" is not helpful. Either way, you're replacing people that you claim to be nearest and dearest to you with a group of second string people. They're back ups. They're randoms. They're people who are available to you because they're coming to your wedding already. You say "I love these people to death!" but you didn't choose them for your bridal party in the first place. Only after you had spots to fill you chose them.

I understand that it sucks and you want a bridal party since he's having his "boys" with him on his side and you want your side, but if your side can't be there, then that's just how it goes.

dottieg92 · February 2015

i told them the date of the wedding two months after i got engaged since me and fiance decided that date

with my cousins they had moved to a new state after i had asked them to be in the wedding. one of them is in middle school so the big day is during her summer break. the other one had no idea that she wanted to go to school until Jan.

then my MOH who is pregnant she mentioned that she wanted to have a kid but when she said that it was at the same time that i asked her to be in the wedding and i thought that she was going to be prego like a month later

dottieg92 · February 2015

we got engaged dec 2013

so i asked them in feb 2014

because my wedding is small and i the country i told my girls to choose their own dresses (so the mismatched style) and all of them already own cowboy boots.

Maggie0829 · February 2015

dottieg92 said:

I asked them two months after i got engaged and then nov my MOH had to drop out becasue she is having a baby in June. then my two cousins started to drop out because one started cosmetology school in Feb and her sister who is 13 may not come because their mom doesnt have any money to buy plane tickets to iowa where the wedding is at
And the "randoms" as you put it are not random people they are related to my fiance. one is the wife of his best man who i have a great friendship with and the other one is my fiances cousin who i love to death and her two kids. i know that bridal parties are not nessicary but it would not make sense to me if he had his boys up there with him and i didnt have anyone on my side.
Marrying him is the most important thing and thats all i care about. i just hate that my girls said yes and were shopping to get their dresses and shoes and now all of a sudden they cant be there

Sorry, but if these people did not occur to you to invite into your wedding party until AFTER the other members dropped out, then they are randoms.

And yes, it would make sense if he had attendants and you didn't. There are reasons why those who you chose could no longer be in the wedding so at this point it is really about looks which is a pretty shitty reason to replace people.

And if marrying your FI is the most important thing then getting replacements so it wouldn't look silly for him to have attendants and not you would not have even mattered to you.

mikenberger · February 2015

dottieg92 said:

we got engaged dec 2013
so i asked them in feb 2014

because my wedding is small and i the country i told my girls to choose their own dresses (so the mismatched style) and all of them already own cowboy boots.

Herein lies the problem. LURKERS. TAKE NOTE. YOU DO NOT ASK YOUR BRIDAL PARTY TO PARTICIPATE UNTIL YOU ABSOLUTELY NEED TO. TYPICALLY 6-9 MONTHS OR SO PRIOR TO THE WEDDING. You could've saved yourself the headache with your cousins if you had WAITED. Probably wouldn't have helped with the MOH, but hey, people get pregnant.

Still doesn't make it okay to replace your bridesmaids.

lnixon8 · February 2015

dottieg92 said:

i told them the date of the wedding two months after i got engaged since me and fiance decided that date
with my cousins they had moved to a new state after i had asked them to be in the wedding. one of them is in middle school so the big day is during her summer break. the other one had no idea that she wanted to go to school until Jan.
then my MOH who is pregnant she mentioned that she wanted to have a kid but when she said that it was at the same time that i asked her to be in the wedding and i thought that she was going to be prego like a month later

To the bolded:

YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS.

That's a really dumb assumption in the first place, but even if she had the baby to suit your wedding timeline, that still doesn't guarantee her coming to your wedding.

EDIT: spelling

MyNameIsNot · February 2015

dottieg92 said:

i told them the date of the wedding two months after i got engaged since me and fiance decided that date
with my cousins they had moved to a new state after i had asked them to be in the wedding. one of them is in middle school so the big day is during her summer break. the other one had no idea that she wanted to go to school until Jan.
then my MOH who is pregnant she mentioned that she wanted to have a kid but when she said that it was at the same time that i asked her to be in the wedding and i thought that she was going to be prego like a month later

I can't tell if you really don't understand the question, or if you are being deliberately obtuse.

When did you ask them to be BMs?

arrrghmatey · February 2015

dottieg92 said:

I asked them two months after i got engaged and then nov my MOH had to drop out becasue she is having a baby in June. then my two cousins started to drop out because one started cosmetology school in Feb and her sister who is 13 may not come because their mom doesnt have any money to buy plane tickets to iowa where the wedding is at
And the "randoms" as you put it are not random people they are related to my fiance. one is the wife of his best man who i have a great friendship with and the other one is my fiances cousin who i love to death and her two kids. i know that bridal parties are not nessicary but it would not make sense to me if he had his boys up there with him and i didnt have anyone on my side.
Marrying him is the most important thing and thats all i care about. i just hate that my girls said yes and were shopping to get their dresses and shoes and now all of a sudden they cant be there

I'm not sure what you want us to say to you. "Man, what horrible girls! They don't deserve to be in your bridal party, you poor thing! It will be okay!"

Look, people have lives. And your wedding is not as important to them as having children, going to school, etc. These plans sometimes come out of the blue, and they take priority over your wedding (this is also why it is a good idea to wait until 8 or 9 months before your wedding to ask your bridal party). Yes, it sucks that circumstance made it that the 3 girls all had to drop out, but you need to understand that the reasons for dropping out are not petty.

To the bolded--they were shopping for dresses and shoes. They most likely had every intention of being in your wedding. But things come up. I'm sorry this has happened, but you just have to accept that they will not be able to make it. And you do not need a wedding party. Nobody is going to think any less of you if you are standing up there without bridesmaids.

lovegood90 · February 2015

It's okay to feel bummed, obviously you can't help how you feel. But that's about all you can do.

You cannot expect people to plan their reproductive choices and school choices around your wedding. Of course having a baby and being able to graduate in time are going to be higher on their priority list! Doesn't mean they don't care about you. It just means they have lives!

Your wedding is the most important thing for you and your Fi right now, but that's absolutely not the case for anyone else.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2015

If the wedding isn't until June of this year, no one needed to be shopping for dresses last year. Yikes! That's hella early.

mikenberger · February 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

If the wedding isn't until June of this year, no one needed to be shopping for dresses last year. Yikes! That's hella early.

Well now that you're here PGL, we can all get our fly on.

Especially if you're going for the mismatched look. They don't even need to buy new dresses for that. Or shoes. You said they had cowboy boots. Why are they shopping for shoes?

WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?

aurianna · February 2015

OP,

It's definitely ok to be sad that the people you love have conflicts. I'm sorry it happened. it's a bummer.
Unfortunately that's life.

Do you have NO more bridesmaids? Or you just have significantly less than your FI? If it's the latter, this is no biggie. Sides don't need to be even. If it's the former, this still isn't a biggie. You still have very important people in your life who wish you well on your wedding; they just can't be there. You aren't lacking in any way.

I definitely wouldn't ask anymore ladies to be in your party. People will feel like replacements and second string. That doesn't feel good. And your members that had to drop out will feel like they are replaceable.

I'm not sure if everyone else here agrees with this or not, but I think it's ok to still put all your BMs in the program, if you're having them. These people were your bridesmaids and would have wanted to stand with you if family/school/finances hadn't gotten in the way.

Sorry it's turning out this way for you. Good luck.

levioosa · February 2015

dottieg92 said:

I asked them two months after i got engaged and then nov my MOH had to drop out becasue she is having a baby in June. then my two cousins started to drop out because one started cosmetology school in Feb and her sister who is 13 may not come because their mom doesnt have any money to buy plane tickets to iowa where the wedding is at
And the "randoms" as you put it are not random people they are related to my fiance. one is the wife of his best man who i have a great friendship with and the other one is my fiances cousin who i love to death and her two kids. i know that bridal parties are not nessicary but it would not make sense to me if he had his boys up there with him and i didnt have anyone on my side.
Marrying him is the most important thing and thats all i care about. i just hate that my girls said yes and were shopping to get their dresses and shoes and now all of a sudden they cant be there

dottieg92 said:

i told them the date of the wedding two months after i got engaged since me and fiance decided that date
with my cousins they had moved to a new state after i had asked them to be in the wedding. one of them is in middle school so the big day is during her summer break. the other one had no idea that she wanted to go to school until Jan.
then my MOH who is pregnant she mentioned that she wanted to have a kid but when she said that it was at the same time that i asked her to be in the wedding and i thought that she was going to be prego like a month later

dottieg92 said:

we got engaged dec 2013
so i asked them in feb 2014

because my wedding is small and i the country i told my girls to choose their own dresses (so the mismatched style) and all of them already own cowboy boots.

It sucks that they might not be able to attend, but that's life sometimes. B-listing or replacing BMs sends many bad messages, including that the "first string" didn't matter, that pictures are more important than the people, and that the "B-listers" are just there for your vision and are actually less important people (or you would have originally asked them).

It's okay to feel bummed that they won't be there, but then you move on and accept it.

Jen4948 · February 2015

It's a bummer that after agreeing to be your bridesmaids, they dropped out.

But you shouldn't have replaced them. It suggests that you don't care very much about them, just having someone in a bridesmaid's dress standing next to you without it mattering who.

And your wedding is top priority only for you and your fiancé-nobody else. Whether or not they get pregnant, work or not work, etc. isn't up to you. If those things mean that after saying yes they can't participate and have to step down, then that's what they have to do. Just go on and have your wedding even if you don't have them as bridesmaids.

JasperandOpal · February 2015

Technically I had two bridesmaid "drop out". I asked two girls to be my bridesmaids but one is very camera shy and early on we realized that she wouldn't be able to handle the amount of photography that would occur so she was my bridesmaid in my mind but sat in the front row instead of standing with me.

My other bridesmaid dropped out 11 days before my wedding. That meant that my husband had his groomsman and I had no one physically standing next to me. Was I bummed? Absolutely. Was I even angry for a second (ok, maybe a couple of hours)? Yes, yes I was. But in the end, you are marrying the person you love, in front of people who care about you, and it sounds like all your bridesmaids really wish they could be there but can't swing it for one reason or another.

So be bummed. Be upset. Then get over it and continue planning your wedding with your lopsided wedding party. Don't replace people. Don't squeeze old friends out of the woodwork so that you have someone standing there. You don't have to be the "queen of having to change bridesmaids" because you shouldn't be changing them at all. The people you wanted to stand next to you can't do it, you accept that, you don't replace them, and you continue planning your wedding knowing that you will have a smaller or nonexistent bridal party.

Also, when my older sister went to cosmetology school she was only allowed to miss a total of 12 hours worth of class, which worked out as just under two days. So your cousin isn't being ridiculous. There are certain requirements for getting licensed and in order to meet those requirements schools make some pretty strict rules for students to follow.

Edited for clarity.

SP29 · February 2015

Yes, you can be bummed out, even mad for a little bit.

But there's nothing you can do about this. Just move on and enjoy your wedding.

Life happens. If your cousin can't take time off school, she can't. One wedding day shouldn't ruin her entire program or her career. Your other cousin who can't afford to fly- that's super legit- she CAN'T afford it! Your MOH getting pregnant- she could still be your MOH (if she wants to), but babies happen. Even if you are actively trying, you can't pick when you will conceive.

None of these girls didn't anything wrong. Sucks? Of course, but let it go.

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