Chit Chat

So upset, up all night can't sleep *Update in comments!*

DaniBitesDaniBites member
250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
edited March 2015 in Chit Chat
I'm at my FFIL and FSMIL's house in Florida with my mom and FI until Tuesday. We came down to show my mom the retirement homes and spend some time with FI's family. His mom and stepdad live here too, so we want to spend time with everyone. I begged FI before we came if we could go swim with manatees as the one thing for me on this trip- the rest is for him and my mom. So he said ok and set up an outing with his mom and stepdad to go.

His step mom found out and shit has hit the fan.

She found out this morning (of course while FI was at the store) and proceeded to lecture me on how unfair it was and that she had planned to take us to Disney and dinner. I kept telling her how sorry I was and that FI had said he spoke to everyone about it, and we should hold the discussion until he came back.

Nope, she kept right on rolling, so I tried to compromise that we'd come home early and go to dinner.

"Well now maybe I don't want to "

For the fucking LOVE OF GOD. Whatever. I kept my mouth shut and continued trying to bean dip. She was done by the time FI came back, so I begged him to call his mom or talk to his step mom and fix it. When he called his mom (hours later) she started crying that he's picking step mom over her, and I felt hoooooorrible. He was on the phone with her over an hour.

While this is happening, I broke down crying because I felt like I caused a huge problem in his family with my god damn stupid manatees, and went to the room my mom's staying in because mommies fix everything.

His step mom came in and told me how this was my first test dealing with divorced parents and I failed it, called his mom a bitch, and said that Florida is her state not his moms.

What the ever loving actual fuck.

FI hasn't talked to her about it yet, hasn't defended me, and I'm stuck here until Tuesday.

I want to go home. I feel so bad for FI because he has to deal with this drama but I'm really angry- he lets his BSC sister be horrible to me (though she's not in our lives right now because they had other problems) and didn't do anything to fix this either.

Guys, please cheer me up. I never thought I'd want to get back to NY so badly in my life.

Apologies if this post is long and ranty and poorly edited. It's five am I haven't slept I'm amazingly upset and I'm posting from my phone.

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Re: So upset, up all night can't sleep *Update in comments!*

  • WTF?  You did nothing wrong.  FI needs to step the fuck up and be there for you and defend you and your feelings first and foremost.  
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  • There are many issues with what you said but you are blameless here. Your FI is in the very not fun position of having to stand up to some of his family. And that's not fun and you can feel bad for him that he had to do this but he HAS TO DO THIS. Unfortunately his only other option is that he gets to silently send the message that is OK to insult his future wife. It can feel like a lose/lose place for him but he needs to man up and soak up.

    HUgs. I hope you get to swim with the manatees.
  • Well, his step-mother is an awful person. But your FI also needs to nut up and say something. It's totally unacceptable for her to treat you like that. You failed the test? WTFucking fuck!?!? Screw her! 
  • ugh that sucks.  Too old to be causing HS drama like that, I don't understand people :(


    I really hope you get to see your manatees!  I am headed to FL Wednesday and we're stopping somewhere to see them although not to swim or anything just a viewing spot and I'm really excited.  I say F the SMIL and go have a great time swimming with manatees with your FI and his mom/stepdad

  • That sucks! I know all about drama filled family vacations, hence why I avoid them at all costs. You really do have my sympathies. But everyone is right, your FI needs to stand up and tell his family to shut up. I had to do that with my family over Thanksgiving break. My dad used quotation marks (bunny ears) when he talked about my "relationship" with V. That is when shit hit the fan.

    I told him and my brother (my mom wasn't an ass towards V) that they will treat V with respect or I won't be around. That he is part of my family now and they better recognize us as an unit.  There were a lot of tears and yelling but to me it was worth it. V is the most important thing to me and protecting him/ our relationship is the number one thing, period. So your FI needs to protect and love you! You should talk to him. Good luck!

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  • The problem here has nothing to do with you and everything to do with a couple of moms out there.  You know, my ex-h's wife is not the person I want to spend a day with, but I have to do it several times a year (and all day when my girls got married).  They need to grow the Hell up.

    Your FI needs to be pouncing on this very firmly and quickly, and also with his sister.  Until he does, do NOT go back there.

    Please please please - from one manatee lover to another - go swim with the manatees today and then come back and tell me all about it.  That is near the top of my bucket list for realzies and I would love love love to do that.  Please go swim with those lovely animals and leave your FI at home to fix this disaster.  You and mom go have a good time.

    Oh - and I really hope he takes both of the mom's to task and tells them he is not going to be put in the middle of their issues and there are times when he will do stuff with one and not the other.  He seriously needs to put the hammer down!

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    I'm so sorry you're going through this, but absolutely none of it is your fault. It might be time to have a talk with your FI about how you expect to be treated respectfully by his family, and how he needs to stand up for you.
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  • Telling you that you failed a test is a sick thing to say. It's gross and malicious and immature. And following you into your mom's room-- where you went because you were upset by shit this woman had already said-- is even more psychotic. I don't often call people this, but she sounds like a total piece of shit to me.  

    Sounds like she's miserable and unstable, and wants you to suffer for that. Fuck her. I agree with PP, go to a hotel or where ever to get away from her. Decline going to dinner (no need to suffer any further by subjecting yourself to her gross bitchery) and have an honest talk with FI that he needs to put his foot down about this. I should SHRED someone if they treated my FI this way. Like, the gates of hell would open and they would be traumatized afterward. Not ok. 

    Ugh. I'm so ragey for you. I hate hate hate people who behave this way. 
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  • Oh JFC, FSMIL is insane!! Umm... She knows your FIs mother lives there too. Why would the entire trip center around her? She's his dad's wife, not his parent. It kind of seems like FSMIL was ready with this hurtful monologue and was waiting for the perfect time to unleash it. 

    Agreed w PPs. Get the fuck out of there fast. Let your FI tell his dad and step mom why you're leaving. It's no crime to want to spend a day with his mom. 

    You didn't fail some non-existent test. BSC step mom in law did. 
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  • That's so fucked up that grown women are acting that way. But your FI really needs to step in and set them straight. Being non-confrontational isn't an excuse, it's a cop out. These issues won't go away until he addresses them, or unless you avoid his family forever.

    If this is a touchy subject for him, you could say something like: It makes me feel [isolated/like a shit stirrer/hurt] when [your family acts BSC towards me] and I'm not defended. It's less accusatory this way. But for real, he needs to get that crazy under control.

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     fka dallasbetch 


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  • fwtx5815fwtx5815 member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    edited March 2015
    Good!
    I wish all the knotties-in-distress threads had happy endings with manatee swimming adventures.

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     fka dallasbetch 


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  • Updates!

    I called FI out on not sticking up for me and he said I was absolutely right and spoke to his dad about is (step mom is at work now so his sad will talk to her when she gets home)

    We're not joining them for dinner and going to his moms (I really don't blame his mom for getting upset. Step mom broke up her marriage to FI's dad so she is very sensitive about it)

    FI and I swam with manatees!!!! (My mom had no interest and spent the day with his mom and step dad, they're having a lovely day.) Snorkeling with the manatees was so so enchanting and beautiful! I'm lucky to have the experience!! LOVED IT! We were extra lucky, we had a gorgeous day and they gave us free CDs with the pictures.

    Attaching a vacation selfie because this day did a real 180. And apparently a picture of my salad because I added it by mistake and can't figure out how to take it back off from my phone.
    Glad that you talked to your FI about him not sticking up for you and for him talking to his Dad and such.  And yay for swimming with manatees!

    And lets not leave your FI Dad blameless in the whole marriage debacle.  I really have issues when the ex-wife blames the new wife/GF when it comes to a marriage not working out.  Pretty sure that their ex-SO had just as much of a major role (if not more of a role) in the marriage not working out.


    QFT.
  • LMAO at the salad picture. 

    And you're so cute! Glad you got to swim with the manatees! We were mobbed by them once while kayaking and it was SO COOL... this one momma kept nosing our boat, and then nosing her baby toward us like "HEY GUYS! LOOK WHAT I MADE!" while the others scratched their backs on the underside of our boats (and scared the daylights out of me, cuz they were pushing me up out of the water!)

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  • Yay! I'm glad your day took a turn for the better! 
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  • Awww yay! I'm glad it all worked out and hope the rest of your trip is lots of fun.
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  • DaniBites said:

    Updates!

    I called FI out on not sticking up for me and he said I was absolutely right and spoke to his dad about is (step mom is at work now so his sad will talk to her when she gets home)

    We're not joining them for dinner and going to his moms (I really don't blame his mom for getting upset. Step mom broke up her marriage to FI's dad so she is very sensitive about it)

    FI and I swam with manatees!!!! (My mom had no interest and spent the day with his mom and step dad, they're having a lovely day.) Snorkeling with the manatees was so so enchanting and beautiful! I'm lucky to have the experience!! LOVED IT! We were extra lucky, we had a gorgeous day and they gave us free CDs with the pictures.

    Attaching a vacation selfie because this day did a real 180. And apparently a picture of my salad because I added it by mistake and can't figure out how to take it back off from my phone.

    Glad that you talked to your FI about him not sticking up for you and for him talking to his Dad and such.  And yay for swimming with manatees!

    And lets not leave your FI Dad blameless in the whole marriage debacle.  I really have issues when the ex-wife blames the new wife/GF when it comes to a marriage not working out.  Pretty sure that their ex-SO had just as much of a major role (if not more of a role) in the marriage not working out.
    So much this! 
  • Glad your Fi stuck up for you!
    And is that a salmon salad? Yummmm. ;)
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