Wedding Party

Bridal Shower

My best friend and I was talking about taking belly-dancing lessons for the girls then have a bridal showers at a restaurant afterward. She have been very helpful at picking out decors, jewelries, and everything. I am grateful for that. Anyway, the lesson is $250 to pay for one hour lesson along with refreshments and extra hour to do whatever we want. It is additional $15 for more than 10 girls that shows up and participate. My best friend have been going through a lot with her health problem especially with her seizures. She has already paid $150 for her dress and shoes. I told her she can keep her tattoos, keep her hair red, and her small nose ring. She has volunteer to cover up the obvious big tattoo. I didn't want to ask too much out of her. One days when the girls and I were having a get together she was willing to leave her daughter's birthday party to join but I wouldn't let her. I wanted her to cherish every moments that she have with her family especially since she is supposed to be bed rested for two months. I was wondering if it would be wrong for me to pay for my and her lessons but charge everyone else that participate in it? She is still going to host the bridal shower and help me out with the invites. We're going to the nail salon afterward. 

Re: Bridal Shower

  • chood2010 said:
    My best friend and I was talking about taking belly-dancing lessons for the girls then have a bridal showers at a restaurant afterward. She have been very helpful at picking out decors, jewelries, and everything. I am grateful for that. Anyway, the lesson is $250 to pay for one hour lesson along with refreshments and extra hour to do whatever we want. It is additional $15 for more than 10 girls that shows up and participate. My best friend have been going through a lot with her health problem especially with her seizures. She has already paid $150 for her dress and shoes. I told her she can keep her tattoos, keep her hair red, and her small nose ring. She has volunteer to cover up the obvious big tattoo. I didn't want to ask too much out of her. One days when the girls and I were having a get together she was willing to leave her daughter's birthday party to join but I wouldn't let her. I wanted her to cherish every moments that she have with her family especially since she is supposed to be bed rested for two months. I was wondering if it would be wrong for me to pay for my and her lessons but charge everyone else that participate in it? She is still going to host the bridal shower and help me out with the invites. We're going to the nail salon afterward. 



    SIB
    I'm confused. Is the belly dancing lesson supposed to be like a bachelorette party type thing, followed by the bridal shower? Or is it just a fun thing you want to do with your friends? Was it your plan or hers? 
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  • My best friend and I was talking about taking belly-dancing lessons for the girls then have a bridal showers at a restaurant afterward. She have been very helpful at picking out decors, jewelries, and everything. I am grateful for that. Anyway, the lesson is $250 to pay for one hour lesson along with refreshments and extra hour to do whatever we want. It is additional $15 for more than 10 girls that shows up and participate. My best friend have been going through a lot with her health problem especially with her seizures. She has already paid $150 for her dress and shoes. I told her she can keep her tattoos, keep her hair red, and her small nose ring. She has volunteer to cover up the obvious big tattoo. I didn't want to ask too much out of her. One days when the girls and I were having a get together she was willing to leave her daughter's birthday party to join but I wouldn't let her. I wanted her to cherish every moments that she have with her family especially since she is supposed to be bed rested for two months. I was wondering if it would be wrong for me to pay for my and her lessons but charge everyone else that participate in it? She is still going to host the bridal shower and help me out with the invites. We're going to the nail salon afterward. 

    Ok, there's a lot going on here, and you're not being very clear. 

    Are you talking about making your friends take a belly dancing class before your bridal shower? Or is this class an idea for your bachelorette party?


  • edited March 2015
    I apologize...it's $250 in total for the whole session for 10 girls but there is an additional fee for $15 if more than 10 girls show up. If any of the girls show up but do not have to participate does not have to pay. It is her plan and we are setting this up to happen after she is done with her bedrest. We were talking about taking a belly dancing class before we go out to have lunch at this restaurant. At this same restaurant she want to host a bridal shower in the same day. All the girls are looking forward to getting mani and pedi afterward. It is more a fun thing for us all to do. And Esstee I had never said that she couldn't wear her nose ring or cover up her tattoo. I simply stated that I told her she leave her hair as the way it is, wear her nose ring and if she want to cover up the tattoo then it was her choice so stuff it. She was asking me if I wanted her to get rid of it and I told her it is her choice. 
  • I apologize...it's $250 in total for the whole session for 10 girls but there is an additional fee for $15 if more than 10 girls show up. If any of the girls show up but do not have to participate does not have to pay. It is her plan. We were talking about taking a belly dancing class before we go out to have lunch at this restaurant. At this same restaurant she want to host a bridal shower in the same day. All the girls are looking forward to getting mani and pedi afterward. It is more a fun thing for us all to do. 

    I am still confused.  So you want to take a belly dancing class and then go to lunch at a restaurant?  Then later in the afternoon your friend is going to throw you a bridal shower at the same restaurant you ate lunch at?  Then after all of that you and your girls are going to get manis and pedis?



  • Yup.  We want to take bellydancing class then go to eat at the restaurant. And at that restaurant we want to have a bridal shower. Then get manis and pedis.
  • Wait. So belly dancing, bridal shower, manicures all in ONE DAY?
  • OP, your post is confusing as all hell but I think you're asking is it okay for you to pay for you and your friend for belly dance lessons and then make the rest of your friends pay? Is the belly dance plan your idea? Are your friends on board with this and willing to pay $250 each? And then get the much anticipated mani/pedis? I'm not sure how much planning you're doing for what seems to be your own bachelorette party, I would just try communicating a little bit more with your bridesmaids and ask them what they can afford to do. Don't plan an event and then charge them.
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  • Who will be paying for all of this? Who asked the bridal party for their budgets? Did everyone agree to spend this much time and money?
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited March 2015

    Yup.  We want to take bellydancing class then go to eat at the restaurant. And at that restaurant we want to have a bridal shower. Then get manis and pedis.

    Okay, so the belly dancing and lunch AREN'T part of the bridal shower?  Like it is just something fun that you and your friend are planning for a girls day out?  Not wedding related at all?  Same with the mani/pedis?  If all of this is true then you can be involved with the planning of this stuff because it isn't wedding related.  But if is wedding related you need to stay out of it 100%.

    Also, this is a lot of shit going on in one day.  I mean you have belly dancing, then lunch, then your bridal shower, and then manis/pedis?  No one is required to do any wow that is one busy ass day.

    ETA:  But for your bridal shower you should not have any involvement whatsoever.

  •  "I told her she can keep her tattoos, keep her hair red, and her small nose ring." How does this sentence imply that there is rule on clothings and outfits?



  • Wait. So belly dancing, bridal shower, manicures all in ONE DAY?

    Like, WHY?

    Also, OP, back far the hell away from this. You should not be planning ANYTHING in connection with your shower.
  • Hey- I'm all for the combo shower/bachelorette thing, especially if you have people that live far and want to do both- knock it out in one swoop.  But that is a HEFTY day...  

    Anyway, there's a lot going on in your post, but to answer the question I think the whole thing was about- you are not obligated to pay for your friend's lesson, but it's certainly a lovely thing to do, if you want to do it.  
  • I apologize...it's $250 in total for the whole session for 10 girls but there is an additional fee for $15 if more than 10 girls show up. If any of the girls show up but do not have to participate does not have to pay. It is her plan and we are setting this up to happen after she is done with her bedrest. We were talking about taking a belly dancing class before we go out to have lunch at this restaurant. At this same restaurant she want to host a bridal shower in the same day. All the girls are looking forward to getting mani and pedi afterward. It is more a fun thing for us all to do. And Esstee I had never said that she couldn't wear her nose ring or cover up her tattoo. I simply stated that I told her she leave her hair as the way it is, wear her nose ring and if she want to cover up the tattoo then it was her choice so stuff it. She was asking me if I wanted her to get rid of it and I told her it is her choice. 

    Holy shit, that escalated quickly.

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  • I apologize...it's $250 in total for the whole session for 10 girls but there is an additional fee for $15 if more than 10 girls show up. If any of the girls show up but do not have to participate does not have to pay. It is her plan and we are setting this up to happen after she is done with her bedrest. We were talking about taking a belly dancing class before we go out to have lunch at this restaurant. At this same restaurant she want to host a bridal shower in the same day. All the girls are looking forward to getting mani and pedi afterward. It is more a fun thing for us all to do. And Esstee I had never said that she couldn't wear her nose ring or cover up her tattoo. I simply stated that I told her she leave her hair as the way it is, wear her nose ring and if she want to cover up the tattoo then it was her choice so stuff it. She was asking me if I wanted her to get rid of it and I told her it is her choice. 

    Holy shit, that escalated quickly.
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  • I am still so confused as to whether all of this shit is party of the bridal shower or if the belly dancing, lunch and mani/pedis are separate from the bridal shower and is being considered a bach party or not.

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  • I'm sorry, but I cannot get past "you letting her keep her hair red." WTF?
  • maeday2 said:

    I'm sorry, but I cannot get past "you letting her keep her hair red." WTF?

    Eh. I got lost at, "My best friend and I was talking..."
    I might have honed in on the color I dye my hair. I would question my relationship with anyone who felt like they had control over the color of my hair or body.

    It also reminded me the BSC Hair Dye thread from a few months ago.
  • jacques27jacques27 member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited March 2015

    OP, maybe instead of telling people to "stuff it", you should learn how to edit yourself so you only include important details that are relevant to the question you are actually asking.  Her nose ring, hair color, and tattoos are irrelevant to whether it's ok to do these activities for your bridal shower and for you to pay for her - so pretty much the only reason to bring it up in this context is so you can feel good about how "magnanimous" you are in not requiring her to change those things about herself.  Once you bring it up, it's fair game.  Don't want it talked about?  Don't bring it up.

    As for your original question, your post is confusing.  Is this a combination shower/bachelorette?  If so, then all these activities are probably ok in one day since there won't be a separate day for the bachelorette.  Either way though, you shouldn't be planning it.  You can veto something (like best friend suggests a strip club and that makes you really uncomfortable), but you shouldn't be planning it. 

    So, from what I gather...

    1. You want a two hour belly-dancing event where if you have 10 people they'll have to pay $25pp, more if you don't manage to make the minimum, a little bit less if you have more than 10 since the additional people would only be an extra $15.  Has your best friend consulted with the people invited to this party to see if a) that is even in their budget, and b) they have the additional time to commit to an extra 2+ hours?

    2. Afterwards your best friend is hosting a shower at a restaurant.  Is she paying for lunch, since she's hosting?  Because people generally don't pay their own way at a shower - they are already bringing a gift for the bride.  Those are usually catered affairs that can be as simple as cake and punch during an off meal time (maybe a veggie tray and some cheese and crackers).  This is different than a bachelorette where it's generally expected that people pay their own way (provided someone has checked on budget beforehand and didn't spring something elaborate and then bill them later for their share).  So, if she's buying lunch, you're friends are probably spending $25-50 on a gift for you, to be conservative.  If this is being planned where she's expecting people to pay for themselves, then you can probably add another $25 for lunch.  From your posts so far, I'm going to assume people are expected to buy their lunch unless you provide additional details indicating otherwise.

    3. Then you want to get manis/pedis.  Now, granted, people can opt out and leave after lunch if they want, but you're asking people to spend another $30-40 depending on where you go and how well you tip.

    So, right now, you're asking people to spend a minimum of $105 to possibly $140 or more.  Again, people need to be asked if this is within their budgets  If this is a combined bachelorette/shower, then I wouldn't find that amount entirely unreasonable (not saying that I would attend because neither of those activities interest me and I'm picky about how I spend my money), but if it's a shower only then I would probably beg out.  I might attend the lunch, but that's it.  Also, if this is something your best friend wants to host, she needs to be prepared to front the cost if she's not going to consult other people's budgets and ask if they are interested in contributing.  It would be like her deciding that she wants a limo for the party and then everyone shows up and she expects them to pay 50 bucks to ride in a limo when they just thought they were going to be taking their own cars and driving to a club. 

  • edited March 2015

    I apologize...it's $250 in total for the whole session for 10 girls but there is an additional fee for $15 if more than 10 girls show up. If any of the girls show up but do not have to participate does not have to pay. It is her plan and we are setting this up to happen after she is done with her bedrest. We were talking about taking a belly dancing class before we go out to have lunch at this restaurant. At this same restaurant she want to host a bridal shower in the same day. All the girls are looking forward to getting mani and pedi afterward. It is more a fun thing for us all to do. And Esstee I had never said that she couldn't wear her nose ring or cover up her tattoo. I simply stated that I told her she leave her hair as the way it is, wear her nose ring and if she want to cover up the tattoo then it was her choice so stuff it. She was asking me if I wanted her to get rid of it and I told her it is her choice

    Why would you tell her that what she does with her body is her choice. Of course it's her choice. Whose choice would it be? Not yours, unless you're far enough in bridezilla territory that she suspected her body might be a problem with your "vision."

    As for the rest of this, it's so convaluted I'm not even sure what the question is. Does anyone know?



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  •  "I told her she can keep her tattoos, keep her hair red, and her small nose ring." How does this sentence imply that there is rule on clothings and outfits?



    it implies there are rules because you even mentioned it too her. Her hair, nose ring and tattoos should never have come up in conversation. By telling her that you are 'letting her' keep those implies that it doesnt fit in with your vision and you think you are being so nice and laid back by not asking her to change anything. While if you actually were laid back, her physical appearance would never have been brought into play.


    PS. I have naturally Red Hair. I'm sure glad that all the weddings I've been in have LET ME KEEP MY HAIR COLOUR. for crying out loud. Whats wrong with red hair???

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  • By the way, the correct answer to, "Should I cover my tattoo for your wedding?" is "Hell no, I love you and you should rock all the tattoos you want!"

    NOT "it's your choice," because that strongly implies you want her to cover it.
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  • What is your question again?  To me this sounds like a day out with my girlfriends and to me this sounds like everyone should pay their own way.  The shower that is happening later in the day is a separate event entirely from whatever it is you are doing before and it therefore not a wedding related event.  Unless of course it is some sort of bachelorette party?
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