I'm in the home stretch of finally becoming a OMH; just under 2 weeks away!
But over the weekend I had a major meltdown and got into it bad with my step dad. After hashing it out and realizing that the stress + loss of my dad and "loss" of my mother (she had a stroke that nearly killed her, changing her personality completely as if she's a different person, who also can't walk, mover her right side or talk) is really bringing back old feeling of the grieving process. I know I would be best talking to a therapist but since I haven't been to one in over two years, they can't get me in within the next week.
Saturday really set me off. My mom was always the "hostess with the mostest", planning parties, an arts and crafts master. She didn't even want to help me sort items into bags that night. (I know that I shouldn't expect her to help me, but before the stroke I wouldn't have even have to ask, she would just want to do it.) My step dad said, "I know you probably always wanted your mom to help you plan your wedding and do all this stuff with you. She was a master at working the glue gun." And that really set me off in missing her, and yet she was sitting right next to me!
There's only so much wine can do, and I don't want to be a blubbering fool on my wedding day.