Ok not completely wedding planning related, but I'm sure you have all dealt with, or will deal with this once you're married.
My FI and I have been dating for a little over 4 years. He is born and bred in MA where we have lived for the past 4 years. I'm from NH only lived in MA for about 6 years because I took a job down here out of college and have not left yet. I have a really small family (no aunts or uncles, 1 brother 2 parents), FI has a big family (lots of aunts and uncles, cousins, 3 siblings all with children right in this area). Since we met I made it clear to FI that I will be moving back to NH permanently by the time I buy a house, hopefully sooner. I have been trying to get a job in NH over the past 3 years or so.
For the last 4 years I have spent just about all of my time with my FI's family at birthday parties, baby showers, bbq's and any holidays that are not Christmas, Thanksgiving or Easter. Those 3 holidays are when we drive up to NH and see my family. We never sat down and mapped out who gets what holiday or some plan to make things equal, I just went along seeing his family, but made it clear that I would like to see my family more often, perhaps we could skip a b-day party once and a while or take the next weekend go to NH, esp where my family is starting to get upset that they never see us.
Long story short lately it has become a problem with FI's family. His sister and I have been in a bit of a silly fight over other things and she finally had the guts (kinda as she FB emailed me instead of saying it to my face!) to tell me that she's upset that she doesn't get to see FI and I on a "real holiday" meaning x-mas, easter or thanksgiving. Mind you my FSIL only goes to those 3 holidays because she hosts them, typically doesn't go to other b-day parties unless it's for her kids. She just got married for the 3rd time and was giving me marriage advise of how I need to learn to "share" to have a successful marriage.
I don't care what you go too or don't go too, but I'm very frustrated that she has the nerve to say these kind of things. FI of course has not stood up for me and explained to her the time that I give to his family and not mine and no matter how much I tell him it hurts he says "I'll do it, I'll tell her." I understand how akward it is for him to be in the middle, but he has to understand that we have to make it fair to both of us.
We do have plans to hopefully buy a house soon (although all of our money is tied up in the wedding). Of course his family has a problem with us going to NH even though they know the plan is to be as equi-distant to both families as possible. We are looking at the Nashua area because we could still end up in MA (much to my dismay) or NH, but either way be about equal to both families.
I guess I'm just curious how do you balance both families? FInally FI is starting to see that yes I make a lot of sacrafices (sp) and that it is indeed not fair to not see my family, however he is not taking the steps to change things. I've offered to make a holiday list at the beginning of the year so that no one can complain when they see who gets what, but he doesn't think it's a good idea. My poor family can't afford to not see us on holidays because my only brother doesn't always come home, his family has grandchildren and cousins and all kinds of other people to keep his parents company.
Thankfully we have no plans of having children, but if we did then what? My family would never be able to see their grandchild?
Thanks ladies!