Dontation to College Fund or Savings In Lieu of Wedding Gift???

Re: Dontation to College Fund or Savings In Lieu of Wedding Gift???

• kmmssg mod

  

  March 2015

  It would be incredibly inappropriate to do that.  You never ever mention gifts or say anything about "in lieu of gifts."  when you don't register people will most likely gift you money.  You can in turn put that in the bank for the kids college funds but you do not ask your guests to donate to it.

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• plainjane0415 member

  

  March 2015

  It is rude to say anything on an invitation in regards to gifts.  Because gifts should never be expected from guests.

  If you don't want or need anything, then just don't say anything.  If people ask, you could say something like, we have everything we need, but we are focusing on saving up for xyz... People will get the hint and more than likely will give cash as a wedding gift.

  The in lieu of gifts phrase can be extremely off putting to guests, as they may want to buy a heartfelt gift... does that make sense?

   

  
  

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  March 2015

  Knottie40110937 said:

  Hi All!

  
  

  We are getting married this June.  This is the second wedding for the both of us and we are looking forward to becoming a beautiful blended family with my two kids.  We have everything we need, so I'm stumped on what to say for wedding gifts.  We discussed just saying, "in Lieu of gifts, a donation to the kids college fund or savings would be appreciated"  or something like that??  Please let me know your thoughts.  Even ideas to best word it.  Or is it not appropriate??  I've tried to look up similar threads but didn't see any.

  
  

  Thanks!

  Krista

  This is an incredibly rude idea.

  
  

  Just don't register and if any one asks where you are registered or what you may want as a gift just say 'oh FI and I are saving up for X.'  Then whatever gift you receive you send a gracious thank you note to the giver and then if you wish to put that gift towards your kids college fund then you are free to do so.

  
  

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• flantastic member

  

  March 2015

  Knottie40110937 said:

  Hi All!

  
  

  We are getting married this June.  This is the second wedding for the both of us and we are looking forward to becoming a beautiful blended family with my two kids.  We have everything we need, so I'm stumped on what to say for wedding gifts.  We discussed just saying, "in Lieu of gifts, a donation to the kids college fund or savings would be appreciated"  or something like that??  Please let me know your thoughts.  Even ideas to best word it.  Or is it not appropriate??  I've tried to look up similar threads but didn't see any.

  
  

  Thanks!

  Krista

  Good news! You don't have to figure out anything to say about gifts, because you shouldn't proactively mention gifts for the reasons PPs have mentioned. No need to be stumped any more. PPs have also given good suggestions for when people ask, if they ask.
  

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• mikenberger member

  

  March 2015

  Knottie40110937 said:

  Hi All!

  
  

  We are getting married this June.  This is the second wedding for the both of us and we are looking forward to becoming a beautiful blended family with my two kids.  We have everything we need, so I'm stumped on what to say for wedding gifts.  We discussed just saying, "in Lieu of gifts, a donation to the kids college fund or savings would be appreciated"  or something like that??  Please let me know your thoughts.  Even ideas to best word it.  Or is it not appropriate??  I've tried to look up similar threads but didn't see any.

  
  

  Thanks!

  Krista

  Yup, what the PPs said: inappropriate. However, if you do receive cash gifts, you can do with those what you'd like. And if you'd prefer to receive cash gifts, just don't register for gifts. But it's terribly rude and presumptous to say "You don't have to give us a gift" because that implies that you were expecting a gift.

  
  

  
  

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• Knottie40110937 member

  

  March 2015

  Thanks everyone!  I had no idea!  I'll definately nix any wording from the invites!

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• Jen4948 member

  

  March 2015

  Knottie40110937 said:

  Thanks everyone!  I had no idea!  I'll definately nix any wording from the invites!

  Good call.

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• MandyMost member

  

  March 2015

  Sometimes I think a small registry gets the point across better than no registry at all. I feel like some people interpret no registry as "they just didn't have time to registry" or "they must need all kinds of things so they didn't pick out anything specific" or "I hope people pick out nice, heartfelt gifts". But a small registry it's clear that you need a vacuum cleaner, some wine glasses, and a set of pots and pans...and that's it. So money is appreciated. 

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• LtPowers member

  

  March 2015

  MandyMost said:

  Sometimes I think a small registry gets the point across better than no registry at all. I feel like some people interpret no registry as "they just didn't have time to registry" or "they must need all kinds of things so they didn't pick out anything specific" or "I hope people pick out nice, heartfelt gifts". But a small registry it's clear that you need a vacuum cleaner, some wine glasses, and a set of pots and pans...and that's it. So money is appreciated. 

  I thought unusually small registries were rude, because it tells guests that you've put together a list of ideas for them, but there aren't actually enough ideas for everyone. If you're going to do a registry, it ought to have a fair selection at a variety of price points.

  
  

  
  

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• lyndausvi mod

  

  March 2015

  LtPowers said:

  MandyMost said:

  Sometimes I think a small registry gets the point across better than no registry at all. I feel like some people interpret no registry as "they just didn't have time to registry" or "they must need all kinds of things so they didn't pick out anything specific" or "I hope people pick out nice, heartfelt gifts". But a small registry it's clear that you need a vacuum cleaner, some wine glasses, and a set of pots and pans...and that's it. So money is appreciated. 

  I thought unusually small registries were rude, because it tells guests that you've put together a list of ideas for them, but there aren't actually enough ideas for everyone. If you're going to do a registry, it ought to have a fair selection at a variety of price points.

  
  

  
  

  Registries are not required at all.  So the size of one should be irrelevant. 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

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• manateehugger member

  

  March 2015 edited March 2015

  LtPowers said:

  MandyMost said:

  Sometimes I think a small registry gets the point across better than no registry at all. I feel like some people interpret no registry as "they just didn't have time to registry" or "they must need all kinds of things so they didn't pick out anything specific" or "I hope people pick out nice, heartfelt gifts". But a small registry it's clear that you need a vacuum cleaner, some wine glasses, and a set of pots and pans...and that's it. So money is appreciated. 

  I thought unusually small registries were rude, because it tells guests that you've put together a list of ideas for them, but there aren't actually enough ideas for everyone. If you're going to do a registry, it ought to have a fair selection at a variety of price points.

  
  

  
  

  
  
  How on earth is it rude to give suggestions only for the things you need/want?  

  What are the alternatives here - couples should register for all sorts of things they do not need, prompt their guests to go out and buy these things, and then go return them for cash? Couples should from registering for the kitchen gadgets they'd love because they can't come up with 200 of them?

  Guests don't need to bring a gift at all, and they are always able to buy off registry if they do not wish to give cash.
  

  

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• JCbride2015 member

  

  March 2015

  What a great thread!  I have the warm fuzzies.

  
  

  OP, way to go on just saying nothing.  You'll probably get a lot of cash or check gifts anyway in which case you can donate them or save them or do whatever you want.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  
  

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• redoryx member

  

  March 2015

  LtPowers said:

  MandyMost said:

  Sometimes I think a small registry gets the point across better than no registry at all. I feel like some people interpret no registry as "they just didn't have time to registry" or "they must need all kinds of things so they didn't pick out anything specific" or "I hope people pick out nice, heartfelt gifts". But a small registry it's clear that you need a vacuum cleaner, some wine glasses, and a set of pots and pans...and that's it. So money is appreciated. 

  I thought unusually small registries were rude, because it tells guests that you've put together a list of ideas for them, but there aren't actually enough ideas for everyone. If you're going to do a registry, it ought to have a fair selection at a variety of price points.

  
  

  
  

  That....doesn't even make any sense. 

  
  

  1) Guests don't have to buy you a gift

  2) If guests do buy you a gift they don't have to buy off the registry

  
  

  If anything, it seems more rude to register for a bunch of stuff you don't want or need just because you feel compelled to make people feel like they have to buy you things. 

  

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• LtPowers member

  

  March 2015

  Oh dear; I seem to have hit another trigger.

  
  

  Again, this is my understanding; I don't have a specific source. But as the point of registries is to be helpful to one's guests, it strikes me as odd to merely pretend to be helpful. By all means, don't register if you don't really need anything. But if you are going to register, and tell your guests when asked that yes, you have a registry from which they may choose a gift, it would be very confusing for them to find that all the items had been claimed after only a few guests had made purchases.

  
  

  Isn't there a rule against registering only for extremely expensive items? Wouldn't this be similar?

  
  

  
  

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• lyndausvi mod

  

  March 2015

  LtPowers said:

  Oh dear; I seem to have hit another trigger.

  
  

  Again, this is my understanding; I don't have a specific source. But as the point of registries is to be helpful to one's guests, it strikes me as odd to merely pretend to be helpful. By all means, don't register if you don't really need anything. But if you are going to register, and tell your guests when asked that yes, you have a registry from which they may choose a gift, it would be very confusing for them to find that all the items had been claimed after only a few guests had made purchases.

  
  

  Isn't there a rule against registering only for extremely expensive items? Wouldn't this be similar?

  
  

  
  

  If I see a registry for an established couple's SECOND wedding, I'm going to assume they already have most of the "cheap" stuff already.  I mean I can't imagine having children and not have things like measuring cups and spoons or a cutting board or another standard things that are on the less expensive side already in the home.

  
  

  If all they need/want are on the expensive side, so be it.  I will either get the item or them money.  NBD.

  
  

  
  

  I think people read WAY TOO MUCH into registries.   They are simply a guide of what might be needed or wanted and/or the style of their home.  I.E you can tell if they are more contempory  or traditional based on some of the items they choose.There is no rule you even have to look at the registry. I rarely do since I give money for weddings.  It's only if I'm invited to a shower do I look because showers are gift giving events.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  March 2015

  lyndausvi said:

  Oh dear; I seem to have hit another trigger.

  
  

  Again, this is my understanding; I don't have a specific source. But as the point of registries is to be helpful to one's guests, it strikes me as odd to merely pretend to be helpful. By all means, don't register if you don't really need anything. But if you are going to register, and tell your guests when asked that yes, you have a registry from which they may choose a gift, it would be very confusing for them to find that all the items had been claimed after only a few guests had made purchases.

  
  

  Isn't there a rule against registering only for extremely expensive items? Wouldn't this be similar?

  
  

  
  

  If I see a registry for an established couple's SECOND wedding, I'm going to assume they already have most of the "cheap" stuff already.  I mean I can't imagine having children and not have things like measuring cups and spoons or a cutting board or another standard things that are on the less expensive side already in the home.

  
  

  If all they need/want are on the expensive side, so be it.  I will either get the item or them money.  NBD.

  
  

  
  

  I think people read WAY TOO MUCH into registries.   They are simply a guide of what might be needed or wanted and/or the style of their home.  I.E you can tell if they are more contempory  or traditional based on some of the items they choose.There is no rule you even have to look at the registry. I rarely do since I give money for weddings.  It's only if I'm invited to a shower do I look because showers are gift giving events.

  
  
  Exactly the bolded.  If you look at my registry and see all the black and red serving dishes, the green serving tray you gift me probably isn't going to be used super often; but a silver one might work.  If my registry has three small yellow throw pillows on it, a large beige floor pillow probably isn't something I'll appreciate; but a small white hand-crocheted pillow might do the trick.  If the towels on my registry are gray, I may not want the pink striped monstrosity you gift me; though a different shade of gray bath sheet might be nice.

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• MGP member

  

  March 2015 edited March 2015

  Sorry, I have to go back to the asking of money for children's college funds for a WEDDING GIFT.  Glad OP isn't doing it, but that rubs me the wrong way.  Like, a lot.  I don't care if it is someone's first or tenth wedding or if they have as many kids as the Duggars, its is inappropriate to ask for gifts for your children as wedding gifts.  If I gift you money and that's what it goes towards that is not a problem but asking for it is just gauche.

  
  

  Believe me as a parent the opportunities for you to get gifts for yourself is few and far between, so I would be milking a wedding registry for all it's worth - etiquette approved, of course.  

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• theartistformerlyknownas member

  

  March 2015

  LtPowers said:

  Oh dear; I seem to have hit another trigger.

  
  

  Again, this is my understanding; I don't have a specific source. But as the point of registries is to be helpful to one's guests, it strikes me as odd to merely pretend to be helpful. By all means, don't register if you don't really need anything. But if you are going to register, and tell your guests when asked that yes, you have a registry from which they may choose a gift, it would be very confusing for them to find that all the items had been claimed after only a few guests had made purchases.

  
  

  Isn't there a rule against registering only for extremely expensive items? Wouldn't this be similar?

  
  

  
  

  This would only be true if having a shower. In that case yes, there need to be enough gifts for all shower invitees to choose from, since they've been invited to a gift-giving party. If one didn't need enough things to do that, they should decline the shower. It's not true for the wedding itself though.

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