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Pre-wedding Parties

bachelor party opinions

Hello,
So my fiance and I have been butting heads on our bachelor and bachelorette parties for a few months now. His friends and family are coming from out of state for the wedding. Our wedding is on Sunday and our rehearsal and dinner is on Thursday. His best man is supposed to be coming the Monday before the rehearsal. And it's not possible for the him or the other groomsman to come here for two seperate events. And his groomsman lives in Vegas and that is where he wants to have his bachelor party. I have no problem with that. The only problem I do have is he wants to have it on Friday and Saturday between our rehearsal and wedding. He flat out told me he wants to stay up all night and get wasted. And the reason we have been butting heads is because I think it's crazy to do that right before the wedding. I told him anytime before the rehearsal would be fine, but he keeps getting so defensive and saying I have no right to say anything about it. And I get where he's coming from, but I just don't think it will be a good idea. Especially because of all of the last minute details. But he sees it very differently than I do. Am I totally wrong? What would you do or are you doing? Advice would be greatly appreciated.

Re: bachelor party opinions

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Does your FI think he is in the movie Hangover or something?

    I don't think I would be too happy about that either seeing as there are always last minute things to do for the wedding and you will have family and friends in town that you should really spend some time with.

    When is your wedding?  How close do you live to Vegas?  Why can't he go to Vegas earlier?  I may not be understanding where everyone lives.

    AddieCake
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper

    He should be able to spend some time with his friends before the wedding.  My personal opinion is if he gets wasted, then that's on him, and he can deal with it when the wedding rolls around.

    He may just be getting upset about it because he feels like you're mothering him.  Which is something you shouldn't be doing.

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  • edited March 2015
    Sorry I should have clarified that. The wedding is July 26th. We're 4 hours from Vegas. His best man is coming from Montana. So he doesn't have the money to fly down twice. I totally picture pictured the hangover as well haha.

  • I wouldn't be happy about this either. I barely drank at our RD because I didn't want to be even a little bit hungover saying my vows. 

    The red flag to me here is that when you bring up your concerns, he just gets defensive and tells you that you can't say anything about it. I mean, sure. You can't control him, but you're allowed to say how you feel about something and feel respected/heard. That's more of a red flag than the fact that he wants to get trashed before your wedding.

    Why can't they go out Thursday night? 
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    Maggie0829chibiyui
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper

    Just based off of his habits in the past, do you really think that he would get really wasted?  Is this a common thing for him? Or do you think he's just saying that to get a rise out of you, or to sound cool or something?

    I still think he might feel like you are trying to tell him what to do and he doesn't like that. 

    And while I do feel that he should be able to go out and have a good time with his friends, he should also know his boundaries, and know when to stop the night before his wedding. 

     

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  • Well, he shouldn't be planning his own bachelor party for one thing.

    Anyway, have you asked him why he is pushing so hard to be hungover for his own wedding day? That sounds fucking awful for one, and like he doesn't really care about the getting married part for another.
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    southernbelle0915Blue_Bird[Deleted User]chibiyui
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    Why is the RD on Thursday? I'm thinking it would make more sense for them to go to Vegas Thurs-Fri, drive back Sat am, have the RD on Sat pm, and then the wedding on Sunday. He can deal with it if he's hung over at the RD, and you'll at least know that he's home in one piece the day before the wedding.

    Assuming you trust him to not act like he's in the Hangover, I would be so worried that something as innocent as a flat tire would make them late driving back the day of the wedding.

    I agree that the bigger issue is that he is dismissive of your concerns. He should be willing to discuss this with you, even if he doesn't agree. Ultimately, he's right that you can't control him, but he should have more respect for you than to just say "nah nah, you can't tell me what to do."

    plainjane0415Kahlylajenijoykchibiyui
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Why is the RD on Thursday? I'm thinking it would make more sense for them to go to Vegas Thurs-Fri, drive back Sat am, have the RD on Sat pm, and then the wedding on Sunday. He can deal with it if he's hung over at the RD, and you'll at least know that he's home in one piece the day before the wedding.

    Assuming you trust him to not act like he's in the Hangover, I would be so worried that something as innocent as a flat tire would make them late driving back the day of the wedding.

    I agree that the bigger issue is that he is dismissive of your concerns. He should be willing to discuss this with you, even if he doesn't agree. Ultimately, he's right that you can't control him, but he should have more respect for you than to just say "nah nah, you can't tell me what to do."

    This. 

  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    I think it's kinda fucked up that he expects you to deal with all the last minute wedding stuff by yourself while he gets wasted with his friends. Like your marriage, you should be a team going into the wedding.



    Anniversary
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    southernbelle0915levioosaSTARMOON44Maggie0829
  • I would have been very, very, very unhappy with this. We had so much last minute crap to deal with the day before our wedding, and had family in town we both needed to host. Plus, being hungover on your wedding day is just really not ok. Also, dismissing your concerns is really not ok. None of this is ok. 
    STARMOON44
  • This is coming from a girl whose husband had a weekend long, out of town, booze saturated bachelor party with about 20 dudes stuffed into a single vacation house. It was just a month before our wedding so I gave zero cares. 
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