This is going to be a long one so I apologize in advance!!
I am getting married at one of the most expensive venues on Cape Cod. One of the perks of our venue is that we get a planner. However, the planner they gave us is just awful...like really terrible. So it started with the tasting. We were told by the sales person who we were working with when we signed the contract that our planner would be in contact with us around November/December to schedule a tasting. November and December passed with still no contact so in January I reached out to our planner and asked when we would schedule a tasting. She responded with about 8 different days/times. FI works a ridiculous schedule and it is really hard for him to find the time to take off of work for the tasting. Two of the times worked out for us so we responded within 24 hours to her email. She calls me the next day and says that all of the tastings are "sold out". She explains that she only gets certain times for her wedding and if we were to do any other time we would be imposing on another planner's tasting times. I don't understand how if all the planners get certain dates for their weddings they could be sold out....if all your summer wedding tastings take place on those dates there should be at least 2 spots in one of those dates since we count as one of your summer weddings... Anyway it then went into a super complicated discussion trying to find a time for us to be fit in for a "private tasting". Not joking this was probably the most stressful part of this whole planning process it took hours. So anyway we find a date that works in March and I send in my list of the food we selected about a week before the deadline.
2 weeks later she calls me again saying that he boss wants to have a meeting with her at the same time of our tasting and she has to reschedule. Let's recall how painstaking it was to find a date and time that worked in the first place. So I told her that it would be very difficult to reschedule due to the issues we had the first time. So she says no problem and I think all is well and good....until the Monday before our tasting she emails me saying she never received my tasting list...which I sent in 2 months before. So I resend it.
In our contract we had negotiated 4 people to have a complimentary tasting($200 value) so that my parents could go as well. In the email with the tasting I had listed out the full names of all 4 people that were coming. We arrive at the tasting and our table is set for 2. We say something to the woman who sat us and she apologizes and scrambles to find additional place settings. These place settings had personalized menus describing all the food that we were tasting and there were only 2 for the 4 of us to share. So our planner finally shows up and tells us that the chef only prepared enough food for 2, apparently she had all 4 names down but never told anyone else... Which meant that when we got the apps, we didn't all get to try everything. As for the entree, we were each supposed to get a small tasting plate and the chef was supposed to make a full size entree for us to see what it would look like on the day of. The chef only made two tasting plates which were given to FI and I and my parents had to share the full size entree.
Finally when discussing the wedding our planner would direct every question at me and often would say "it's your wedding, what do you want" but then immediately following my response would turn to my mother and say "well you are the one on the billing contract so how do you feel about that". My parents and I have had a long discussion about how the financial dynamic of this wedding will work. My planner constantly double backing on the question made for a really awkward evening. The first time she asked the question my mom responded with "this wedding is our gift to them and we are ok with anything that they want". We were not making huge financial decisions at this meeting, we were deciding if we wanted a mini beef wellington or a chicken quesadilla as a passed app....not if we were going to add a $2,500 photobooth. She also often made judgmental faces at suggestions my parents or I had that she did not agree with and often made assumptions that were not decided yet. For example, FI and I are planning on renting an antique car for our transportation and when she found out we would not be doing the classic Cape Cod trolley, we thought she was going to fall out of her seat. It just made for a really odd meeting that seemed inappropriate at times.
The extra $50/pp that we negotiated into the contract was so that everyone would get a tasting plate and so that everyone would get an app. They did not hold up their end of the contract. Long story short, we are paying a lot of money to get married at a pretty exclusive venue and I do not believe that we are receiving the service that we deserve. After speaking with my parents and FI we all agree that we are dissatisfied with her. If we were to hire a planner on our own she would never have been considered. Attention to detail is totally not her thing and it makes me nervous about what she is going to forget or mess up on the day of the wedding. She didn't even know what time our wedding was! It blows my mind. Anyway, I don't know how to approach this. We want to be credited the money for the tasting since we did not get what we had negotiated (enough apps and tasting plates) and at this point we want a new planner. But I don't know if I should talk to my planner first and let her know how unhappy we are (you would think she would know by now but she is literally oblivious, if we don't say it straight out then she just won't get it) or if we should go straight to the manager. We are also afraid of getting a new planner and being labeled as "that couple", because our planner also told us how they all swap horror stories of bridezillas they have....really nice right? I am just super frustrated and not sure what to do. Again sorry for the super long post and thanks in advance!
ETA: these kind of all seem like small problems and they are. The real issue here is that she constantly makes small problems that wouldn't be an issue if they stood alone. The fact that they all keep happening is really disturbing