Not Engaged Yet

May I vent for a sec?

So many of my friends are getting on my nerves right now and I am about to lose it!!

- friend A got me and BF tickets to the Atlanta symphony for xmas. All he did was hand us a printed receipt saying he bought them online as part of a groupon deal. He said he didn't have the date yet, but would have it soon. Well, we have been asking for the date for months and we finally got it yesterday. It is the Thursday before our anniversary at the end of April. I already got that Monday off, and there's no way I will be able to get Friday or Thursday off, so we said we aren't able to go. Now he is mad at us because he has to find other people to give the tickets to. I understand his frustration to a point, but it's not like we asked to be given a gift at all- let alone one that requires us to drive 5-6 hours away and take off days from work AND pay for a hotel/food for a weekend.

- friend B broke it off with a mutual friend of me and BF's last month and at first I was really happy for her because he didn't treat her very well- he had no job, no car, and when she stuck her neck out at her office to get him a job, he got fired from it within three weeks. Anyway, when they first broke up I reached out to her almost every day to see how she was doing/make plans, and she always either ignored me or bailed on our plans. She's gotten flakier and flakier. Last night she texted me while BF and I were at a movie asking if we were going out for karaoke later (our friends usually always get a group together on Sunday nights for it). She texted me at 8:40, but I didn't see it till the movie ended around 10. I replied saying that we weren't going to be there. She replied with a long rant about how I never make time for her and I always bail on her and called me a fake friend. It REALLY irked me. I haven't replied because every time I try to write something out I just get so mad!!!!

- As a whole, our friend group is very loud and very big. Any time we go out, there's usually a group of at least ten, and when someone throws a game night or get together at their house, that number easily triples. I have really bad anxiety in groups and loud environments, so I usually stay home if I feel like the group will be really rowdy. BF is great about it, and I am very open about why I don't go out. Well, Saturday night, a group of our friends went out to a bar and kept tagging me in pictures they were taking. They would caption them as "Ashley- you always miss the fun!" or "Ashley- where ARE you??" or "I guess you don't like us anymore!" Idk if any of you ladies have anxiety, but their pictures and comments make the situation SO MUCH WORSE. Like, do they not think I WANT to see my friends and have a good time?! I would love to- but I choose not to because I do not want to have anxiety attacks in public (it has happened multiple times in our group in the past). I don't want to be treated special or like a child, but it would be nice if they could be more accepting or at least polite about it.

/rant.

Re: May I vent for a sec?

  • Sorry about your friends! People suck a lot of the time in my opinion lol. I actually lived with a couple people who ALWAYS wanted to have friends over and go out and do things, but I have really bad social anxiety too, and I'm really introverted as it is so I always get the "aren't you having fun?!?!" it just makes the situation worse. I would never join them and eventually our relationship fell a part and I moved out. I only have a small handful of close friends as a result. I wouldn't have it any other way.
  • They sound young and imature. It baffles me that these are your friends though, I just don't see how true friends could pick on your phobia and be OK with that. I would feel like a jerk. I am sure they have their own phobias, imagine if you called them out so rudely and in a public manner the way they are with you.

    Anyway, my BF suffers from the same as you do but his friends are understanding, as are mine. Sometimes even small groups freak him out and I am fine going alone. Next time they post pictures, I might just respond simply with "Looks like fun!" or "Wish I could have joined you!"

    Good luck!

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers'> 
  • That is all annoying! I think I'm definitely in the minority on this but I hate getting experiences as gifts, especially if they have a set date and the person didn't check my schedule. The thought is always nice but sometimes it's more of an inconvenience than it is fun.

    As for your friends tagging you in pictures - the only advice I can give you is to try to change you perspective on it, whish is obviously easier said than done. But I seriously doubt they are trying to guilt-trip you or make you feel bad about not being there. They all just wish you were there and probably think it's way of kind of including you.



  • @bethsmiles - BF and I both hate getting gifts like that as well. The gesture is very nice, but any gift that involves a lot of planning on my end is more of a headache than anything!

    @lovestodream - we have a friend who has PTSD and anxiety; and he often stays home. I guess I feel like I am getting singled out, because our friends never publicly bring up the fact that he doesn't go out very often. An aquantance (SP?) went as far as saying that no one calls him out on it because "PTSD is a real thing; anxiety is just a convenient way to be lazy." I gave him the biggest side eye in history after hearing that one!

    @untouchablets - I love our friends and I feel like I really do make a good effort to include them in things that do not trigger my anxiety (going out in smaller groups, inviting them to our apartment so I am more comfortable, etc). It just bugs me because it's not like I am actively trying to not see them, you know?

  • @bethsmiles - BF and I both hate getting gifts like that as well. The gesture is very nice, but any gift that involves a lot of planning on my end is more of a headache than anything!

    @lovestodream - we have a friend who has PTSD and anxiety; and he often stays home. I guess I feel like I am getting singled out, because our friends never publicly bring up the fact that he doesn't go out very often. An aquantance (SP?) went as far as saying that no one calls him out on it because "PTSD is a real thing; anxiety is just a convenient way to be lazy." I gave him the biggest side eye in history after hearing that one!

    @untouchablets - I love our friends and I feel like I really do make a good effort to include them in things that do not trigger my anxiety (going out in smaller groups, inviting them to our apartment so I am more comfortable, etc). It just bugs me because it's not like I am actively trying to not see them, you know?

    Okay, now I'm changing my advice - that is fucking bullshit. I didn't realize they knew it upset you that's just them being assholes.


  • @bethsmiles - BF and I both hate getting gifts like that as well. The gesture is very nice, but any gift that involves a lot of planning on my end is more of a headache than anything!

    @lovestodream - we have a friend who has PTSD and anxiety; and he often stays home. I guess I feel like I am getting singled out, because our friends never publicly bring up the fact that he doesn't go out very often. An aquantance (SP?) went as far as saying that no one calls him out on it because "PTSD is a real thing; anxiety is just a convenient way to be lazy." I gave him the biggest side eye in history after hearing that one!

    @untouchablets - I love our friends and I feel like I really do make a good effort to include them in things that do not trigger my anxiety (going out in smaller groups, inviting them to our apartment so I am more comfortable, etc). It just bugs me because it's not like I am actively trying to not see them, you know?

    Okay, now I'm changing my advice - that is fucking bullshit. I didn't realize they knew it upset you that's just them being assholes.
    I know most of them mean well, but people like this guy, who have no history of knowing anyone with an anxiety disorder, really make the situation so unbearable. luckily he is one of the very few who I do not have to interact with often.
  • Friend A:
    That's just annoying.  I've got no advice, had you asked for it or known the dates and he asked about the dates first, that would be one thing.  You could have kept the tickets and then just not shown up, at least you let him know so he could find people to 'fill in'.

    Friend B:
    This one is a tough one.  She may have been pretty depressed after the breakup and not really realized you were asking her to talk and hang out.  I guess - though annoyed - I would cautiously let this one slide and see how she reacts over the next few weeks.

    Last scenario:
    I am an introvert - I get it!
    I think I would have messaged them back/Facebook them back something like this link:
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/16/understanding-introverts-_n_5989656.html
    Just wanted to let you know - you're not alone!


    image
    Anniversary
  • I hate going out/hanging out with large groups. FI doesn't care if the group is large or small. He will usually go out without me if I know it's a ton of people. I've never been put on blast on FB, but they have sent me texts telling me that I'm missing out blahblahblah. But these texts from friends usually come after a couple drinks. I would be royally pissed though if they called me out on FB. That's just not right.
  • Annnnnd why are you friends with these people? They sound immature and inconsiderate of your feelings. Definitely not people I would want to call my friends. Sorry they are giving you such a hard time.
                                     Wedding Countdown Ticker

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