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How to handle gifts

Knottie82769902Knottie82769902 member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
We have received gifts from people that FMIL invited to our engagement party behind our backs. We ended up changing and hosting our own engagement party ourselves because she wouldn't UN-invite them. They are people we don't know. They are also not invited to the wedding. What do we do about the gifts they've sent us? I feel that it is FMIL problem to solve, but these people are just caught in the middle. Even though I don't know them I don't want to hurt their feelings.
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Re: How to handle gifts

  • mrscomposermrscomposer member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer

    If they gave you a  gift, they get a thank you card, regardless of whether they're invited to the wedding or not. 

    The fact that they were invited to the engagement party but not the wedding is on your MIL for inviting them behind your back.  And, just to clarify - FMIL planned an engagement party for you, but invited people not on the wedding guest list... so that party was cancelled and you planned a different party yourselves, to which these people were not invited... and they still gave you a present, even though they didn't come to the party?  That's what it sounds like, but I just want to make sure.

    **The OMH formerly known as jsangel1018**
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  • Knottie82769902Knottie82769902 member
    First Comment
    Yes. I'm not sure what she told them, but they were never invited to the new party. They sent the gift before the first party was cancelled.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Answer
    edited March 2015
    It's possible they wanted to give you a gift out of kindness.   Take the gift graciously and send a thank you.   
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  • redoryxredoryx member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited March 2015

    Graciously accept the gift and send a thank you note. Or send the gift back. Those are your options.

    But seriously, the engagement party was cancelled, not the engagement. There's no problem that needs to be solved.

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  • blabla89blabla89 member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Send a gracious thank you note. That's really all you need to/can do. Aside from the issue of not being invited to the wedding, I imagine these people might feel hurt if they find out (via social media, family gossip or whatever other means) that you had another party they weren't invited to. But that's on your FMIL for inviting them without your knowledge. Just make sure she isn't giving these people the impression that the party will be rescheduled or that they'll be invited to the wedding.
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  • mikenbergermikenberger member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Send a thank you and move on. 

    But hosting your own engagement party? 
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    image
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I am confused as to why you felt the need to not only cancel the party your FMIL was throwing for you but then turn around and throw one for yourself.

    Yes, only those invited to the wedding should be invited to the e-party.  But your FMIL was hosting the party so she could invite whoever the hell she wanted and then she would have needed to deal with the fall out when certain people weren't extended wedding invitations.

    I feel like you canceling this party and then planning another one yourself has made this into even a bigger thing.  Exactly how much drama has resulted from all of this? 

    But as for the gifts, you send them a gracious thank you note.

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