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Should I throw my bridal shower?

Knottie93697352Knottie93697352 member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi everyone, 
First of all, I'm foreign to american customs and I don't know many things about bridal shower etiquette. 

All my bridesmaids are out of my state, including my family and his family. My mother-in-law wants to come to shower too (which I have no problem with that) so she wants that to be couple days before the wedding. 
Since non of my maids are in town, should I go and reserve the venue that I like? I don't want my shower to be another financial burden to maids since they are already paying their dresses, plane tickets and accommodation. Can a bride host her own shower? 

I appreciate your comments. Thank you!
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Re: Should I throw my bridal shower?

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Answer
    No, it's considered rude for a bride to host her own shower.  It looks gift grabby.  
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  • morewinepleasemorewineplease member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    Knottie93697352 said:

    Hi everyone, 

    First of all, I'm foreign to american customs and I don't know many things about bridal shower etiquette. 

    All my bridesmaids are out of my state, including my family and his family. My mother-in-law wants to come to shower too (which I have no problem with that) so she wants that to be couple days before the wedding. 
    Since non of my maids are in town, should I go and reserve the venue that I like? I don't want my shower to be another financial burden to maids since they are already paying their dresses, plane tickets and accommodation. Can a bride host her own shower? 

    I appreciate your comments. Thank you!
    No, you should not throw your own shower. It would be asking people to come give you gifts and it is considered rude.
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  • Knottie93697352Knottie93697352 member
    First Comment
    oh, I see! Thanks girls!

     I honestly dont care about the gifts. All I wanted is to have a quality time with close friends and play some toilet paper dress games. 
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    You can always just throw a party for no reason. Everyone likes a party.

    It's just bad etiquette if it's wedding related - especially a shower - because it's like honoring yourself and asking for presents.
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  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Invite your friends to lunch if you want to get everyone together.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    You shouldn't throw your own shower, it's rude.

    It's also not your bridesmaids' responsibility to throw it. A shower is a gift, and it can be from anyone. If your FMIL is pushing for a shower, say "no one has offered to throw one" and leave it at that. If she wants to, FMIL can throw it for you.

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  • MadHops21MadHops21 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    OP, you seem nice enough to understand it's gift grabby.

    Parties are always fun! Just plan something and don't attach "wedding" to it, and you'll be fine. Not everyone will have a shower and that's okay. It's still fun to get together, before a wedding, and just have a good time together without calling it a "shower". 
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    500 Comments 250 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    mrscomposer said:

    Knottie93697352 said:

    oh, I see! Thanks girls!


     I honestly dont care about the gifts. All I wanted is to have a quality time with close friends and play some toilet paper dress games. 



    You can do that without having a shower.  At once point (and still, often), it was traditional for a bride to host a tea for her bridesmaids and other close friends.  NOT a gift giving occasion, but more of a thank you from the bride to the ladies closest to her. 

    Since your maids (and MIL) are all out of town, I'd say you're a perfect candidate for this.  Just let them know that you're going to have a get-together when they're all in town for the wedding, and plan something nice and simple.  Don't call it a shower, though, or people may think they're supposed to bring gifts.

    My bridesmaids all lived 9 - 12 hours away from me, also, but came in to town two days before the wedding.  The night before the wedding, we all piled into a holiday trailer and played a couple of games that would usually be associated with either a shower or a bachelorette.  It was just a fun time for us to be together and hang out, since we don't get to see each other that often.

    I agree and think framing it as a tea sounds fun, but just wanted to mention, Bride-hosted teas are not big where I am from, and I would probably bring a gift because I wouldn't know what to do. I know they are traditional (and I love that!), just thought it should be noted. Maybe just clarify what to expect with the people you invite if they are unfamiliar.
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  • MandyMostMandyMost member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    As others have said, it's rude to throw your own shower because a shower is a party all about getting presents, and throwing your own shower essentially says "Please buy me a present", which is rude.

    But you can throw anything else. Call it a bridal tea, or I also once went to a "VIW Luncheon" (Very Important Women, haha) a day or two before a wedding. Just spread by word of mouth that it's no gifts. 

    Also, if someone DOES want to throw you a shower, it doesn't mean they have to do all the legwork. You can do the majority of the logistics (since you're in town) while working with the person throwing it if you want, and someone offers.
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