Wedding Woes

Should I leave my husband and family for my ailing secret lover?

Dear Prudence,
I am a woman who has been married for 15 years, and I have a 13-year-old child. I have been in a long-distance love affair for four years with a single man almost 20 years older than I am. Our plan has always been to wait until my child is out of high school (four more years) before I divorce my husband and we begin our life together. I know I am not going to be viewed favorably because of my affair, but now I have a different problem. My lover recently had a stroke, and chances are not looking good for a full recovery. I very much want to spend whatever years my significant other has left with him. Our plan was to ease into our full-time relationship while causing the least amount of damage as possible. But now I don’t know what to do. Any advice?

—Major Life Change

Re: Should I leave my husband and family for my ailing secret lover?

  • So this woman didn't think an affair would cause much damage to her marriage? Is she off her rocker or high?
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  • Oh and I recommend a divorce like now. What she is doing is completely selfish and her husband deserves someone who isn't a snake sneaking around behind his back. He deserves to be in a loving relationship. I don't care about the health of either the wife or her lover so no advice on that end.
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  • LOL, right? 

    Also, graduating HS and going to college/the military/starting into the workforce is a pretty big adjustment.  So that's totally the time to throw in, "I'm leaving your dad for my secret lover." to the mix.  The kid is going to handle that just swimmingly. 
  • LOL, right? 


    Also, graduating HS and going to college/the military/starting into the workforce is a pretty big adjustment.  So that's totally the time to throw in, "I'm leaving your dad for my secret lover." to the mix.  The kid is going to handle that just swimmingly. 
    Ugh, my parents did that and it was...not fun.
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    Heffalump said:

    LOL, right? 


    Also, graduating HS and going to college/the military/starting into the workforce is a pretty big adjustment.  So that's totally the time to throw in, "I'm leaving your dad for my secret lover." to the mix.  The kid is going to handle that just swimmingly. 
    Ugh, my parents did that and it was...not fun.
    A bit in this camp too.
    Yeah, more absent means it doesn't have direct impact...except that it does, because 'home' not being home is hard.  (although my folks stayed married and that part of them got better when they moved)
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