Wedding Etiquette Forum

Inner envelope/invited families

Does it make sense to get an inner envelope for an invitation that is just one card, no ensemble? But then where do I list the invited children?

Re: Inner envelope/invited families

  • edited March 2015
    I'm not using an inner envelope for cost purposes.    I'm going to use the wording "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith and Family" on the outer envelope.   You could do the same; however, just make sure that the people you invite this way understand that "family" means just their children.   I've read other posts where the couple has used this wording and their guest thought "family" meant the kids, grandparents, aunts/uncles. 

    You need to know your crowd/guests when you use "and family."  In my social circle, "and family" just refers to the children.  So, I know I'm safe.   If you're not sure your guests understand that "and family" means just their kids, you can include a handwritten note on nice paper inside the invite stating the their children are also invited.  


  • Does it make sense to get an inner envelope for an invitation that is just one card, no ensemble? But then where do I list the invited children?

    The inner envelope was originally intended to keep everything clean in the days of horse-drawn carriages, so yes, you could use one even if only one thing goes inside it. Just about your own budget and time preferences, really.

    If you do forego them, all invited names should appear on the outer envelope. NOW, this is where I'd depart a bit from traditional etiquette... the official, proper rule would be to list each child's full name on a separate line with their title, in age order:
    Mr. and Mrs. Robert Parr
    Miss Violet Parr
    Mr. Dashiell Parr
    Mr. Jack-Jack Parr

    Buuuuut... (clutch those pearls!) personally, I prefer:
    Mr. and Mrs. Robert Parr
    Violet, Dashiell, and Jack-Jack

    "And Family" is really asking for trouble, IMO. And I see it as impersonal as "and guest" - when you know the person's name, it's rude not to use it!

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  • We just did one envelope (for a one piece invitation), and we did exactly what Lolo said.  No pearls were clutched.
    **The OMH formerly known as jsangel1018**
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited March 2015
    I had a one piece invitation with a single envelope. I wrote "and family" on it and, contrary to popular belief, no one brought Great Aunt Sue or third cousin Bobby to the wedding.

    If you don't want to do and family, just list the names out between the main addressee's name and the address.
  • I agree with listing their names on the envelope for the reason Lolo mentioned - "and family" seems too much like doing "and guest" when you know the names (and seems even worse, because you may have been out of touch with a friend for a few months and not realized they started a relationship in the meantime, but these are permanent fixtures in their life).  Plus, it removes any ambiguity even though I do think the vast majority of people (95-99%) would realize "and family" does not mean their extended family. 
  • julieanne912julieanne912 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited March 2015
    I plan on using Family for guests with children who are invited.  ie, "The Smith Family". I'm not using Mr/Mrs/Miss etc on anything either.  It's a casual wedding and I agree that it's definitely a know your crowd thing.  

    We are also including a "number of guests attending" line on the RSVP cards.  I realize that opens us up to people adding in extras, but we'll deal with that when and if it happens.  Based on previous experience, our friends with kids will often attend things like this without their kids, so this is the way for them to tell us their kids aren't coming.
    Married 9.12.15
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  • I thought it was so interesting when I learned this from the company I got my invites from. They said that back in those days if you were fancy enough to be getting formal invites you'd also typically have someone employed who would be getting the dirty mail and opening it, and then giving you just the clean, inner envelope with the names on it. Nevertheless, they didn't recommend going the 2-envelope route in this day and age, and agreed that money was better spent in other places!
  • Just put everyone on the mailing envelope.

    It's rude to invite people who have names as "& family". If they warrant an invitation to your wedding, they warrant being identified by name. Using family is just lazy.

    I also put all the children on one line and excluded titles. Families with 4-5 children would never have fit on our envelopes if we'd gone traditional.


  • Really appreciate this!  We are ordering envelopes for our daughters wedding and have found that many companies no longer offer the inner envelopes.  So everyone's name goes on the outside now.
  • Thought of something.  We have singles invited but aren't issuing "plus guest" unless that person has a SO. Do we write "Ms. Blah Blah plus guest" on the envelope?
  • Thought of something.  We have singles invited but aren't issuing "plus guest" unless that person has a SO. Do we write "Ms. Blah Blah plus guest" on the envelope?

    If the person has a Significant Other, that person must be named on the envelope.  "Hey cousin, I see on facebook that a lot of your photos are with a pretty brunette.  Is she your girlfriend?  If she is I'd like to get the spelling of her name so I can add her to your wedding invitation."  If you are not allowing truly single guests to bring an escort, then you don't use "and guest".
  • There are two reasons why "And Family" is problematic:

    1) It doesn't make clear who "And Family" consists of: Children? All the children? Some of the children? None of the children? Parents? Siblings? Grandparents? Aunts? Uncles? Cousins? Fifth cousins? The dog?

    2) The people it is meant to honor by asking for their attendance should be recognized by name. If you don't know their names, find them out.
  • Thought of something.  We have singles invited but aren't issuing "plus guest" unless that person has a SO. Do we write "Ms. Blah Blah plus guest" on the envelope?

    This means you won't be writing "plus guest" on anything, since if a person as a SO then that SO has a name, and that name goes on the envelope. It's fine if the person doesn't live at that address (at least, our invites all got there fine even with non-resident SOs listed on the envelope). If you were inviting truly single people to bring a guest, it's fine to address it to "Jane Smith and Guest" on the envelope. 
  • Makes sense. Thanks Mandy Most.
  • MandyMost said:

    If you were inviting truly single people to bring a guest, it's fine to address it to "Jane Smith and Guest" on the envelope. 

    That, of course, is debatable. Some etiquette experts are quite adamant that "and Guest" is not appropriate under any circumstances, precisely because it's rude to invite someone to an intimate, personal event such as a wedding without using his or her name.


  • edited March 2015
    LtPowers said:

    That, of course, is debatable. Some etiquette experts are quite adamant that "and Guest" is not appropriate under any circumstances, precisely because it's rude to invite someone to an intimate, personal event such as a wedding without using his or her name.


     

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    I've only ever heard you debate that.

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