Wedding Woes

Should I step in or is it none of my business?

My fiance has been struggling a lot with his relationship with his sister and that has started to put strain on his relationship with his family. 

Here's the background, he and his sister used to be best friends and used to talk about living nearby and raising their kids together. She has gotten married and moved a bit further away ~2hrs and really since then the problems with them have started. For one she hates coming to visit and makes that really clear whenever she does. Apparently her husband isn't a big fan of "family"  and I'm not sure what that means to him but that is what she says as an excuse every time she cancels. Oh and she does cancel frequently. Even when the plan is for us to drive to see them things get canceled. For example we were going to go there to have a pre-thanksgiving dinner since she was going to her husband's family for thanksgiving and she canceled that the night before. We ended up not seeing them until February even though we had made multiple efforts to find time in between. His strain with his parents is because they don't seem to feel this is wrong in any way while he is deeply hurt by being left out of his sister's life.

It's gotten to the point where I see him so excited to see his sister and I know that there's a really good chance she is going to cancel the night before and he is going to be devastated. Should I try to talk to his sister and see if maybe she doesn't realize how much this is hurting him? Or is this really none of my business and I should just stay out of it and support my fiance when he is hurt?
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Re: Should I step in or is it none of my business?

  • do not step in, yo.
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited March 2015
    I would not approach his sister...for so many reasons.  Just be supportive. 

    For whatever reason, she's just not that into you guys.  Either it's her husband or both of them.  Your FI needs to be the one to speak with her about his feelings.  It may not change anything, but it's his relationship with her and his feelings.  It sucks and maybe she'll come around, maybe she won't.  Y'all, especially your FI, just need to make peace with the situation. 


  • Nothing good will come of stepping in.  It sucks that your FI's feelings are hurt, but you can't jump in and fix this, it's between his sister and him.
  • A husband who isn't a big fan of "family" sounds like quite the catch! Is it just your FI that she's standing up, or has she cut out the whole family? I think I might be a little worried about her if it's the latter. 
  • I guess I realize it's not my place, I just hate to see him hurting so much. But I'll just continue to be supportive.

    My fiancé and I talked some to his parents this weekend and it sounds like they are getting cut out too.
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  • Don't get involved beyond being there for your H whenever you can.
  • I guess I realize it's not my place, I just hate to see him hurting so much. But I'll just continue to be supportive.

    My fiancé and I talked some to his parents this weekend and it sounds like they are getting cut out too.

    Sounds like she got herself quite the "catch"...  Just continue being supportive of YH..  Really, there isn't a lot that can be done other than telling her they're always there for her when she decides she needs them...
  • @theduckis makes a good point. if sister is cutting out his whole family + sudden change in behaviour, i would be a little concerned. (as in, isolation is something an abuser does)

    continue to support dh, and try to see sil when you can. 
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  • I would not talk to his sister...it won't end well.

    But just a thought next time he has plans with his sister that you think might be canceled, have a fun back up plan for the two of you for the night.  That way he will not be as bummed that his sister canceled.  Nothing extravagant, but just an idea of somethign to do so he isn't sitting around sad about his sister canceling.
  • @EllieAugust, that is a great idea! I will do that for next time. Thank you! I figured it probably wasn't the best idea to talk to her, I just felt like I should do something. It feels awful to do nothing and this is a great way to stay out of it but still feel like I'm doing something to make him feel better.
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