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Walking me down the aisle: Dad has "been there/done that" :(

Silverelf2015Silverelf2015 member
5 Love Its First Comment
in Second Weddings
I'm glad this board exists! The other boards here have been invaluable resources for my planning as well, but it's nice that there's a place for those of us for whom it's not our first wedding. 

I'm very close to my Dad, and he loves and approves of my fiance. But when I asked him if he would walk me down the aisle this time, he said, "I've already been there and done that." Basically, he refused. My Dad can do no wrong in my eyes, but I still feel hurt by this. :( It's not my fault that my ex cheated and walked out on me. And even though it's not my first wedding, it is my LAST, and more importantly, I consider it the "real" wedding. 

So, now I don't have anyone to walk me down the aisle. My brother will be playing music. And my best male friend (who is like another brother) very likely will not be able to attend. So, where does this leave me? 

I'm hurt, sad, and not to mention SHY.... I don't want to walk myself down the aisle! I would feel so abandoned. 

Thanks in advance for any possible light shed on this scenario. 
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Re: Walking me down the aisle: Dad has "been there/done that" :(

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    sophhabobophasophhabobopha member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Wow,  dad. The fuck

    Would you consider just walking down with your Fi? It's like walking into your new life together. :) 

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    Silverelf2015Silverelf2015 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited March 2015
    sophhabobopha said:

    Wow,  dad. The fuck


    Would you consider just walking down with your Fi? It's like walking into your new life together. :) 

    Your initial reaction is not the first of its kind I've heard. It seems to be the general consensus. :(

    I plan on talking to him again and (as my mom suggested) really tell him how his prior response makes me feel. If he understands that it makes me feel that way, then his heart may soften. I don't know though, he's very traditional and old-fashioned about things like this (for perspective, he even suggested that I get married in a color other than white... I am sticking to my guns and wearing white). So, we'll see. 

    Your idea is food for thought, though :) We won't even have a real "aisle" so to speak, anyway. We're having the ceremony in a clearing in the woods behind our venue, which is in a rural/historic setting. Doing it this way may be more in keeping with the overall relaxed and informal approach. Thanks. :)


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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I'm so sorry. I'd be really upset. I just got married for the second time, and my dad walked me down the aisle again. I do think you should talk to him again. Maybe he doesn't realize how much it means to you. But if he still refuses, I think you should walk in with your FI. 
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    photokittyphotokitty mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    As your mom to walk you. She hasn't "been there, done that" and would probably appreciate being asked to join you.

    If she declines I'd walk with your FI or MOH.
    GL! :)
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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    Silverelf2015Silverelf2015 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Thank you. He's actually able to meet me later today for tea, so I plan on talking to him then about it, in addition to some other wedding planning stuff. 

    Please don't get me wrong, my Dad and I have a VERY good father-daughter relationship in all other ways. He's just being weird about this one thing and I don't know why. It's probably his own little hang-up, for whatever reason. I'll post back about how it goes. 

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    Silverelf2015Silverelf2015 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    photokitty, I think we posted at the same time and I just saw your reply. My "plan C" idea if Dad says no and my best friend can't make it is to walk with my flower girl and young bridesmaid (our nieces), so that I'd be walking with a little girl at each side, and a bunch of flowers :) Does that sound like an option? 
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    photokittyphotokitty mod
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    edited March 2015
    Silverelf2015 said:

    photokitty, I think we posted at the same time and I just saw your reply. My "plan C" idea if Dad says no and my best friend can't make it is to walk with my flower girl and young bridesmaid (our nieces), so that I'd be walking with a little girl at each side, and a bunch of flowers :) Does that sound like an option? 

    That sounds like an excellent option. You can walk down the aisle with whomever you please. :)
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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    Silverelf2015Silverelf2015 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Thank you! 

    I think his issue is actually more about the "giving away" thing, really, more than the actual escorting me down the aisle. "I've already given you away" was his actual first response to my asking him. I don't think he realizes that "giving me away" and escorting me down the aisle are two different things. I know he sees me as an independent woman now and not living under his roof, etc. I don't know, but I'm hoping to get to the heart of it sensitively and hopefully enlighten him. :)  
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    I'm just beginning to wrap my head around lots of feelings as I head towards a second wedding, and I can't imagine having something like this adding to all the stress. 

    If he truly won't after more discussion, I agree with all the suggestions of walking with your FI, or your mom or MOH or your idea of the nieces.  I think especially when it's our second time around it's important to do what feels right for you and FI - no matter what that is.  So many of us caved to what we were "supposed" to do the first, time, right?  Now that its your last wedding, do it YOUR way!

    Best of luck!
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    sophhabobophasophhabobopha member
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    Silverelf2015 said:

    Well, I can report back here with excellent news: He is more than happy to escort me down the aisle :)  


    I knew it, his issue at first was the "giving away" part. I assured him that part could be omitted from the ceremony, and so that's what we'll do.  Happy ending! :)
    Good! I'm walking with my brother, who will be five. :)
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    Silverelf2015Silverelf2015 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Awwww! :) 
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