NWR - Jealous of my Husband's new job

Re: NWR - Jealous of my Husband's new job

• Fran1985 member

  

  March 2015

  I think if its good for the business he has to go. He can go to nephews bday next year. Its also important that he set aside time for the two of you though. It might not be that he can stop working at 5pm right when you get home, but he should prioritize an hour for dinner together or a half an hour of time before bed and a standing date night on Friday nights, etc.

  
  
  

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• photokitty mod

  

  March 2015

  Can the party be held the weekend before or after?

  I would tell him to skip the party and the three of you can go on a birthday date another day. If this only happens once a year he needs to go to the business opportunity. The family needs to be understanding and get over it. Not everyone will be able to attend a birthday party every year.

  ~xoxo~

  
  

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• thisismynickname2 member

  

  March 2015

  My opinion? Birthdays come every year; he's trying to start a business. Let him go to the conference. Both of you are not going to be able to make every single milestone in every family member's life. 

  
  

  As far as your jealousy, I think you need to explore your feelings long and hard. Is there anything you can do to support the business? (Your skills in marketing, finance, whatever.)  Are there activities you can pursue alone so you don't feel lonely? 

  
  

  I am the child of a small business owner. People who start their own businesses end up being workaholics. My dad did awesome at making the milestones, but there was plenty of time that my mom was alone raising us or pursuing her own totally separate interests. It's incredibly stressful for the business owner. Running a business is definitely not a 9-5 job, at all, ever. Are you ok with that? Based on how I was raised, I would never own my own business. People tend to hate "working for the man," but I'd hate working for myself even more. You need to be ok with his entrepreneurial spirit, seriously, or you may be in for unhappiness in the long run. 

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• lovegood90 member

  

  March 2015 edited March 2015

  I think it's a no-brainer. He can celebrate with your nephew when he gets back. If it was the other way around, I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate him holding you back because of a birthday that happens every year.

  ETA: That sounds a lot harsher than I meant it to come off. If you're concerned about the amount of time he's spending on work vs you, maybe talk about carving out some special time once a week for just the 2 of you? That's what SO and I do when things get crazy

  Formerly martha1818

  

  
  

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• amelisha member

  

  March 2015

  Yeah, I don't think a child's birthday party (especially not your own child) is a compelling enough reason to skip something like that. Your nephew can see him before or after.

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  March 2015

  No question I would tell him to go to the networking opportunity. Skipping that has a much larger impact than not going to the bday party. 

  
  

  I like @photokitty's idea of doing something special with your nephew so you still get to celebrate nephew's birthday.

  
  

  I might suggest having a conversation with your H, and agree to set aside a certain time each night for the two of you to connect and have some 1 on 1 non-work related time.  I also like the suggestion of asking him how you can help support him and the business (so you feel more involved in the process as well).

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• bethsmiles member

  

  March 2015

  I agree with PPs, he shouldn't miss out on a business opportunity just for a birthday party. He can always take your nephew out for dinner or something to celebrate the next weekend.

  Like @thisismynickname my dad owned his own small business. He works A LOT. He travels A LOT. He takes all the business he can get because next year he has no idea if he'll get any at all. He spends a lot of time networking and making new connections. I use present tense because he still devotes a ton of time to his business 20 years after starting it. He is a great dad and was always there for the big things but he couldn't be there for every birthday and every sports game or band concert. You should talk to your H if you are starting to feel resentful of the time he is spending on work instead of you because this isn't a short term thing, you guys need to communicate in order to make it work.

  
  

  
  

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• flutteringinfl member

  

  March 2015

  thisismynickname said:

  My opinion? Birthdays come every year; he's trying to start a business. Let him go to the conference. Both of you are not going to be able to make every single milestone in every family member's life. 

  
  

  As far as your jealousy, I think you need to explore your feelings long and hard. Is there anything you can do to support the business? (Your skills in marketing, finance, whatever.)  Are there activities you can pursue alone so you don't feel lonely? 

  
  

  I am the child of a small business owner. People who start their own businesses end up being workaholics. My dad did awesome at making the milestones, but there was plenty of time that my mom was alone raising us or pursuing her own totally separate interests. It's incredibly stressful for the business owner. Running a business is definitely not a 9-5 job, at all, ever. Are you ok with that? Based on how I was raised, I would never own my own business. People tend to hate "working for the man," but I'd hate working for myself even more. You need to be ok with his entrepreneurial spirit, seriously, or you may be in for unhappiness in the long run. 

  This this this. My dad was a small business owner. Ran his own dental practice in addition to being the only dentist for about 30 years. He hated working for someone else but was always stressed with all the demands of being both the dentist and the owner, he was definitely never home or free to talk by 5 pm, and he had to sacrifice many weekends and late nights to the cause of his business.

  
  

  OP this may be something you've already thought about extensively, but in case you haven't, keep the PP's advice in mind.

  

  
  

  
  

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• climbingsingle member

  

  March 2015

  My H owns his own business, so if there was opportunity to help/grow the business, I'd absolutely want him to go. I don't think a child's birthday is a good reason to miss out on something like that. 

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• ashley8918 member

  

  March 2015

  Why is your nephews birthday party so important? They happen every year. I would never in a million years ask my husband to miss out on any sort of opportunity for something as silly as a child's birthday party.

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• julieanne912 member

  

  March 2015

  Your nephew will get over it.  Get him a nice present and take him out for something special on another day.  

  
  

  Your husband's business is the most important thing right now.  I mean, that's pretty much what's going to set your future, right?  If you look at it that way, maybe it'll be less easy to be jealous of it.  

  Married 9.12.15

  
  

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• luckya23 member

  

  March 2015

  Sorry fam, work has to take priority.  My FI works nights, and doesn't get holidays off (unless of course they fall on his normal days off), so it's something my family has just had to get used to.  I guess it's tougher that they may see it as a "choice" in your situation, but I would never frame it that way to them, obviously.

  

  

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