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Thank you note snark

LadyMillilLadyMillil member
1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
in Chit Chat
Before the snarking, at least they sent a handwritten thank you note.

We were invited to a wedding last August. We were unable to attend but sent a gift. The thank you note arrived last night.

It was addressed to "Miss Firstname Maiden" which got a major eye roll because the couple attended our wedding and know I use DH's last name socially. Also, Bride made a huge deal on FB recently about a woman's title being tied to her marital status and how everyone should use Ms.

I open up the TY note and it doesn't have our names anywhere inside. It says "Thank you very much for the gift". It actually says gift, no mention of what we actually gave them. This is then followed by a paragraph saying sorry for the late TY note and detailing exactly how busy bride has been at work since the wedding as an excuse for the late TY. The TY note (for a wedding gift, not a shower gift) is signed from the bride only.

Basically, the bride sent us a form TY note. She couldn't be bothered to mention the gift we gave them, and she has such a busy life that we should be grateful she found a few minutes to send a TY. I'm not sure what it means that she didn't sign the groom's name, but it seems really weird to me.

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Re: Thank you note snark

  • knottie9c5ed33df4bbd226knottie9c5ed33df4bbd226 member
    Ninth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Combo Breaker
    That's so annoying. I am really big on proper thank you cards. I went to a wedding once where the thank you card came and it was a card, I opened it, and it was a tiny piece of paper that was printed off the computer and just said "Thank you so much for coming to our wedding and for your gift. Love, J&J". It wasn't even taped into the card or anything and the card itself had nothing written on it.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    I mean, at least they sent one? *cringe*

    Super obnoxious that she chose to focus on making excuses versus just thanking you for whatever your gift was. Translation: "We couldn't find 2 minutes to thank you for spending 30 minutes shopping for a gift for us and then spending your money on us."
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  • KahlylaKahlyla member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited March 2015
    The form letter aspect is bad, and the excuse part and lateness are cringe-worthy. I've actually heard that it's proper to only sign from one person, though, because in all honesty, only one person is writing the note. I wouldn't snark on that aspect of it either way.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Meh, not signing the groom's name is NBD.   If he didn't write the note then he's not supposed to sign it.   DH didn't sign our TY notes either.

    But yeah -the rest is atrocious. 
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  • littlepeplittlepep member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    southernbelle0915 said:

    banana468 said:

    Meh, not signing the groom's name is NBD.   If he didn't write the note then he's not supposed to sign it.   DH didn't sign our TY notes either.


    But yeah -the rest is atrocious. 
    I disagree. If someone gives a gift to two people, I think both receivers' names should be on the TY note. If someone physically writes all the TY notes, that's all good and well, but the note should come from both people who received the gift, IMO. 

    DH wrote TY notes for his family/friends, I wrote them for mine. We both signed them "HisName and MyName" because we were both thanking the giver for the gift. Not just him thanking his folks and me thanking mine.
    Yeah I'm with you. I think it sounds weird to not do that. Like I'm the only one thank you for a gift for the two of us. That said, I wouldn't really side eye it either way. 
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  • KahlylaKahlyla member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    ^ I think I agree with you, it's just what I was reading everywhere when we got married seven years ago. I prefer to sign with both names now, but it's not something I'd read into because I would figure the sender had just heard the same advice - it wouldn't occur to me to think that one half of the couple was actually not appreciative of the gift or whatever.
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  • Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Combo Breaker
    My cousin actually sent a thank you note saying "Thanks for the grad gift." No name. Haha at least he sent one, but we snarked on that for years.

    I always think you should let your SO sign their name on the thank you note. Both of you can't physically write the same note at the same time, so "they didn't write it so they don't sign it" is fallible logic. Obviously both of you are grateful for the wedding gifts, so SO should take the time to sign their name as well. I don't sign his name though, I think it looks weird to have signed both names myself.

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  • flantasticflantastic member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    banana468 said:

    southernbelle0915 said:

    banana468 said:

    Meh, not signing the groom's name is NBD.   If he didn't write the note then he's not supposed to sign it.   DH didn't sign our TY notes either.


    But yeah -the rest is atrocious. 
    I disagree. If someone gives a gift to two people, I think both receivers' names should be on the TY note. If someone physically writes all the TY notes, that's all good and well, but the note should come from both people who received the gift, IMO. 

    DH wrote TY notes for his family/friends, I wrote them for mine. We both signed them "HisName and MyName" because we were both thanking the giver for the gift. Not just him thanking his folks and me thanking mine.
    You can disagree but "technically" from an etiquette perspective it's actually wrong to sign the name if he didn't write a portion of the note.

    Like I said, DH didn't sign the notes but I wrote them knowing that we both liked the gifts.      It would be something like, "Thank you so much for the anal beads!   Both DH and I are going to love using them.   DH loves the color and knows that they'll make a perfect addition to our nightstand drawer.    Both DH and I are so glad that you could be at the wedding and we look forward to seeing you soon!  Love, Banana"

    So the notes weren't just from my perspective but DH didn't sign his name to something he didn't write either. 
    This is what I did. I feel like it's fairly obvious that we didn't take turns writing sentences or anything, so it's more honest to say "H and I will enjoy using ___ when ____" or "I'm excited for ___ and DH is planning to ___ with your gift" and signing it with just my name. Seems actually more personal to me that way, and not just that one of us wrote a note with a formula to mention the gift and then we both sign it.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    @banana468 - I can't find anywhere that says it's against etiquette for a bride's (or groom's) name to be signed to a thank you note if they didn't write it. 

    I just makes logical sense (to me anyway) to have both gift recipients thank someone for a gift they gave. 
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  • amelishaamelisha member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited March 2015
    banana468 said:

    southernbelle0915 said:

    banana468 said:

    Meh, not signing the groom's name is NBD.   If he didn't write the note then he's not supposed to sign it.   DH didn't sign our TY notes either.


    But yeah -the rest is atrocious. 
    I disagree. If someone gives a gift to two people, I think both receivers' names should be on the TY note. If someone physically writes all the TY notes, that's all good and well, but the note should come from both people who received the gift, IMO. 

    DH wrote TY notes for his family/friends, I wrote them for mine. We both signed them "HisName and MyName" because we were both thanking the giver for the gift. Not just him thanking his folks and me thanking mine.
    You can disagree but "technically" from an etiquette perspective it's actually wrong to sign the name if he didn't write a portion of the note.

    Like I said, DH didn't sign the notes but I wrote them knowing that we both liked the gifts.      It would be something like, "Thank you so much for the anal beads!   Both DH and I are going to love using them.   DH loves the color and knows that they'll make a perfect addition to our nightstand drawer.    Both DH and I are so glad that you could be at the wedding and we look forward to seeing you soon!  Love, Banana"

    So the notes weren't just from my perspective but DH didn't sign his name to something he didn't write either. 
    LOL.

    I've always heard the same thing, that only the writer should sign it but that he or she should thank the giver on behalf of the other half of the couple.

    We've decided that I will write the notes to my parents' friends, he will write the notes to his parents' friends and his relatives, and I will write them for our mutual friends just because his handwriting is atrocious. It just seems like the most logical way. But we're having a very small wedding and don't anticipate many gifts at all and we're only talking about a couple notes anyway, I'm guessing. 

    We did get our first one in the mail last week from very close friends of my parents, who weren't invited to the wedding (which is not for two months), so this is all fresh in my mind right now. It's all so weird.

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  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    What do you guys think of this? We received Thank you notes for a wedding in June, and one in August in Dec (for the June wedding) and a few weeks ago for the August one. The June one was just a picture collage of the couple, and it said "Thank You" on it. The August one was a card with a picture of the couple, but a sincere message written on the inside. Since the Groom is better friends with FI (even though us 4 went to college together. His wife and I were never friends, only know each other through them), he wrote the note, with a personal joke about him and FI, but thanked us both, and signed it for both of them.

    I personally thought the second one was fine even though it was so late. I thought the first one was a bit lazy.

    At the end of the day though, I understood why they took so long (obviously they wanted to send their pictures) and at least they sent them. Unlike others...
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It's beyond attentions whoreish to blame the lack of thank you notes on photos.   Really?   You can't thank me unless I get a picture of you?? Truly you (the general you) must have such an inflated sense of being important if you think that it's not possible to express genuine sentiment unless I see your face. 
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  • LadyMillilLadyMillil member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I don't mind if there is a bit of a delay (an extra month) in getting a thank you note if it contains a professional wedding picture and a personalized thank you message. Anything longer than that, I think you should send out regular thank you cards sans photo. If you really want to send out a wedding photo, do it later or in a Christmas card.

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  • madamerwinmadamerwin member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    Here's a different kind of TY note story: FI went to high school friends' wedding last year, which in retrospect I wish I could have attended because it sounded like a shitshow. He did not bring a gift, though I think he planned to send something after. However, before he could even send anything, he received a thank you note that said "Thank you so much for your thoughtful gift!" 

    FI insists it was meant passive-aggressively, and knowing the bride and her batshit craziness, it probably was. He is sure they know he didn't bring a gift. But I guess at least they wrote a TY note...?

    After that, he decided not to send the gift.
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