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Wedding Woes

Difficult, selfish Groomsmen

So the other night I blew up at one of our groomsmen because he was making about the 100th joke about doing something to my fiance before the wedding... this time he was joking about shaving my fiance's head the night before the wedding. Now the groomsmen is upset because I treated him like a child, which he was acting like, and is threatening to not be in the wedding. This is my fiance's best friend, although my fiance is pretty upset by his actions as well, so as of right now we are thinking about not having him in the wedding. I don't want to make a knee jerk reaction out of anger because they have been friends for over ten years, so I was thinking about having my fiance sit down and talk to him about our expectations. Before I do that, does anyone think these expectations are too extreme: 

     1) Make sure
everyone is having a good time, not just you, everyone, which means if you see
a need... fill it. if you see someone needs help... help. If someone doesn’t have a
drink (in the wedding party)... get them one. Make sure everyone is happy and enjoying themselves, and
if there is something you can do to make them have more fun do it. This is not
about you having a good time, this is about what can you do to make sure this
is a memorable time for the wedding party, and especially the bride and groom. If they are having a good time, you will be having a good time. 

2)      Do not
make life more stressful for the bride and groom… be as helpful as possible. Do
things when asked. Get things done right away. If you think it might stress the
bride or groom out, don’t do it. Use common sense. At this point, everything
stresses the bride out, which stresses the groom out.

3)      Buy a
present. You can go in with people, but you are expected to buy a nice present.
Check out their wedding registry.

4)      Bachelor
party… talk to the groom about what he wants to do, but make the arrangements,
so if he wants a party bus, you research and investigate limo companies, get a
list from the groom who he wants to invite, send out invitations and confirm
who is coming and how much the cost. Come up with a game plan.

5)      If you
are asked to give a speech, you are to do it in under five minutes, it should
be about the bride and groom and how happy you are for them, it should not be a
roast, you need to remember your audience is people who do not know you and may
not know the bride and the groom, so choose jokes wisely.

6)      Do not
get overly intoxicated. Do not drink the night before the wedding. Do not get
the groom drunk. Do not get the groom drunk the night before the wedding. 

7)  Smile in pictures and do what you are told by the photographer. 

8) Do what you are told without question on the day of the wedding. 

9) Be early to everything. If your on time, your late.

Let me know if you think this is too extreme. 

Re: Difficult, selfish Groomsmen

  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer

    So the other night I blew up at one of our groomsmen because he was making about the 100th joke about doing something to my fiance before the wedding... this time he was joking about shaving my fiance's head the night before the wedding. Now the groomsmen is upset because I treated him like a child, which he was acting like, and is threatening to not be in the wedding. This is my fiance's best friend, although my fiance is pretty upset by his actions as well, so as of right now we are thinking about not having him in the wedding. I don't want to make a knee jerk reaction out of anger because they have been friends for over ten years, so I was thinking about having my fiance sit down and talk to him about our expectations. Before I do that, does anyone think these expectations are too extreme: 


         1) Make sure
    everyone is having a good time, not just you, everyone, which means if you see
    a need... fill it. if you see someone needs help... help. If someone doesn’t have a
    drink (in the wedding party)... get them one. Make sure everyone is happy and enjoying themselves, and
    if there is something you can do to make them have more fun do it. This is not
    about you having a good time, this is about what can you do to make sure this
    is a memorable time for the wedding party, and especially the bride and groom. If they are having a good time, you will be having a good time. 

    2)      Do not
    make life more stressful for the bride and groom… be as helpful as possible. Do
    things when asked. Get things done right away. If you think it might stress the
    bride or groom out, don’t do it. Use common sense. At this point, everything
    stresses the bride out, which stresses the groom out.

    3)      Buy a
    present. You can go in with people, but you are expected to buy a nice present.
    Check out their wedding registry.

    4)      Bachelor
    party… talk to the groom about what he wants to do, but make the arrangements,
    so if he wants a party bus, you research and investigate limo companies, get a
    list from the groom who he wants to invite, send out invitations and confirm
    who is coming and how much the cost. Come up with a game plan.

    5)      If you
    are asked to give a speech, you are to do it in under five minutes, it should
    be about the bride and groom and how happy you are for them, it should not be a
    roast, you need to remember your audience is people who do not know you and may
    not know the bride and the groom, so choose jokes wisely.

    6)      Do not
    get overly intoxicated. Do not drink the night before the wedding. Do not get
    the groom drunk. Do not get the groom drunk the night before the wedding. 

    7)  Smile in pictures and do what you are told by the photographer. 

    8) Do what you are told without question on the day of the wedding. 

    9) Be early to everything. If your on time, your late.

    Let me know if you think this is too extreme. 

    image

    That's about the most ridiculous thing I've read in quite sometime. Your cheese is off your cracker. 

    image
    esstee33OliveOilsMomKahlyla
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited March 2015

    This is too funny.

    GMs have no responsibilities to make sure everyone is having a good time. They are guests you are honoring specially because they have a special relationship with you.

    The person who is supposed to make sure that people are having a good time at the party are the hosts of the party, i.e. you and your fiancé. That doesn't mean you need to wait on people, but it certainly isn't anyone else's responsibility to do so unless you're paying them as a vendor to wait on people.

    And he neither has to buy you a gift or plan a bachelor party. If I had a friend who sat me down and told me I was expected to do things like that, I would most certainly not do them and would likely stop being their friend. People offer to do these things if they like you and if they have it in their budget.

    ETA: I really want to know what expectations the OP would have considered too extreme.

    Anniversary

  • This is St. Patricks's Day - not April Fool's.  I sure hope you are kidding.....  That list is crazy, you should send it in and apply to be on the show Bridezilla.

    You have the right to ask him to show up sober, dressed in the suit he's supposed to be in and thats pretty much it.  He is not your unpaid slave for the day, friends sometimes help their friend's out on their wedding day with other stuff, but if this is how you treat them then I'm pretty sure they won't want to do anything!  Why in the heck would he be responsible for ANYBODY elses happiness on your wedding day?  Why is he supposed to get them drinks, this whole post is crazy cakes.
    6fsn
  • Sounds like it would be hilarious to mess with you. I can't blame the guy. Have a drink or five, sweetheart.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    esstee33starbright2013
  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited March 2015
  • So he does something you don't like and find irritating and the next step is to give him a list of acceptable ways to behave at your wedding? How does that work?

    Your FI has been friends with this dude for 10 years. In the 10 years they have known each other, this sort of behavior has probably come up and should not be something brand new. I mean, really I cannot believe that in the course of a few months he was just an instantaneous douche bag. So your FI chose this guy knowing that. Let that sink in. 
    VarunaTT
  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited March 2015
  • So the other night I blew up at one of our groomsmen because he was making about the 100th joke about doing something to my fiance before the wedding... this time he was joking about shaving my fiance's head the night before the wedding. Now the groomsmen is upset because I treated him like a child, which he was acting like, and is threatening to not be in the wedding. This is my fiance's best friend, although my fiance is pretty upset by his actions as well, so as of right now we are thinking about not having him in the wedding. I don't want to make a knee jerk reaction out of anger because they have been friends for over ten years, so I was thinking about having my fiance sit down and talk to him about our expectations. Before I do that, does anyone think these expectations are too extreme: 


         1) Make sure
    everyone is having a good time, not just you, everyone, which means if you see
    a need... fill it. if you see someone needs help... help. If someone doesn’t have a
    drink (in the wedding party)... get them one. Make sure everyone is happy and enjoying themselves, and
    if there is something you can do to make them have more fun do it. This is not
    about you having a good time, this is about what can you do to make sure this
    is a memorable time for the wedding party, and especially the bride and groom. If they are having a good time, you will be having a good time. 

    2)      Do not
    make life more stressful for the bride and groom… be as helpful as possible. Do
    things when asked. Get things done right away. If you think it might stress the
    bride or groom out, don’t do it. Use common sense. At this point, everything
    stresses the bride out, which stresses the groom out.

    3)      Buy a
    present. You can go in with people, but you are expected to buy a nice present.
    Check out their wedding registry.

    4)      Bachelor
    party… talk to the groom about what he wants to do, but make the arrangements,
    so if he wants a party bus, you research and investigate limo companies, get a
    list from the groom who he wants to invite, send out invitations and confirm
    who is coming and how much the cost. Come up with a game plan.

    5)      If you
    are asked to give a speech, you are to do it in under five minutes, it should
    be about the bride and groom and how happy you are for them, it should not be a
    roast, you need to remember your audience is people who do not know you and may
    not know the bride and the groom, so choose jokes wisely.

    6)      Do not
    get overly intoxicated. Do not drink the night before the wedding. Do not get
    the groom drunk. Do not get the groom drunk the night before the wedding. 

    7)  Smile in pictures and do what you are told by the photographer. 

    8) Do what you are told without question on the day of the wedding. 

    9) Be early to everything. If your on time, your late.

    Let me know if you think this is too extreme. 

    The answer is yes.

    ChemFanatic25
  • Too extreme, you're seriously asking if your list is "too extreme"

    image

    How about YES

    My personal favorites:

    If someone doesn’t have a
    drink (in the wedding party)... get them one. Make sure everyone is happy and enjoying themselves

    That's what hired staff is for, not your supposed nearest and dearest.

     Do not make life more stressful for the bride and groom… be as helpful as possible. Do
    things when asked. Get things done right away. If you think it might stress the
    bride or groom out, don’t do it. Use common sense. At this point, everything
    stresses the bride out, which stresses the groom out.

    Plan your own damn wedding.

    Buy a present. You can go in with people, but you are expected to buy a nice present.
    Check out their wedding registry.

    I would love to buy you a present, what's your address so I can send you a book on kindness and manners.

    Do what you are told without question on the day of the wedding. 

    All I can picture now is thisimage

    So, you want to know what I think huh?

    image

    ShesSoColdthespeshulestsnowflake
  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha The Midwestern tundra member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Wayyy to extreme.
    image

    image
    VarunaTT
  • Bridezilla alert.
    VarunaTT
  • I'm just trying to imagine how this conversation would even go.  I'm not certain that I could deal with a friend telling me "their expectations" of me.  I think I'd probably just start laughing until I was crying, then leave, never to be heard from again.
    sophhabobopha
  • So the other night I blew up at one of our groomsmen because he was making about the 100th joke about doing something to my fiance before the wedding... this time he was joking about shaving my fiance's head the night before the wedding. Now the groomsmen is upset because I treated him like a child, which he was acting like, and is threatening to not be in the wedding. This is my fiance's best friend, although my fiance is pretty upset by his actions as well, so as of right now we are thinking about not having him in the wedding. I don't want to make a knee jerk reaction out of anger because they have been friends for over ten years, so I was thinking about having my fiance sit down and talk to him about our expectations. Before I do that, does anyone think these expectations are too extreme: 


         1) Make sure
    everyone is having a good time, not just you, everyone, which means if you see
    a need... fill it. if you see someone needs help... help. If someone doesn’t have a
    drink (in the wedding party)... get them one. Make sure everyone is happy and enjoying themselves, and
    if there is something you can do to make them have more fun do it. This is not
    about you having a good time, this is about what can you do to make sure this
    is a memorable time for the wedding party, and especially the bride and groom. If they are having a good time, you will be having a good time. 

    2)      Do not
    make life more stressful for the bride and groom… be as helpful as possible. Do
    things when asked. Get things done right away. If you think it might stress the
    bride or groom out, don’t do it. Use common sense. At this point, everything
    stresses the bride out, which stresses the groom out.

    3)      Buy a
    present. You can go in with people, but you are expected to buy a nice present.
    Check out their wedding registry.

    4)      Bachelor
    party… talk to the groom about what he wants to do, but make the arrangements,
    so if he wants a party bus, you research and investigate limo companies, get a
    list from the groom who he wants to invite, send out invitations and confirm
    who is coming and how much the cost. Come up with a game plan.

    5)      If you
    are asked to give a speech, you are to do it in under five minutes, it should
    be about the bride and groom and how happy you are for them, it should not be a
    roast, you need to remember your audience is people who do not know you and may
    not know the bride and the groom, so choose jokes wisely.

    6)      Do not
    get overly intoxicated. Do not drink the night before the wedding. Do not get
    the groom drunk. Do not get the groom drunk the night before the wedding. 

    7)  Smile in pictures and do what you are told by the photographer. 

    8) Do what you are told without question on the day of the wedding. 

    9) Be early to everything. If your on time, your late.

    Let me know if you think this is too extreme. 


    Nope nope nope nope nope
    Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope
    Nope nope nope nope nope
    image
  • so you're trying to get your FI to break up with his friend?

  • ashley8918ashley8918 Chicago Suburbs member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Hahahaha! This is funny. You are funny.

    jaygeejay
  • NowIAmSypNowIAmSyp East Hanover, NJ member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments First Answer
    This was a good joke, OP
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    Right??  This has to be a joke.  
    tawillersMesmrEwe
  • So for the first bullet point (I stopped reading after the whole 'you're required to give a gift' bull), are you paying the groomsmen to be waiters because it sounds like that's what you want them to be. I hope you're paying them for it. I recommend starting off with minimum wage and then if someone wants to tip them, awesome!
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • So for the first bullet point (I stopped reading after the whole 'you're required to give a gift' bull), are you paying the groomsmen to be waiters because it sounds like that's what you want them to be. I hope you're paying them for it. I recommend starting off with minimum wage and then if someone wants to tip them, awesome!

    But IRL minimum wage, not the $2.13/hour you get working at Crapplebee's. 
    sophhabobopha
  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Hey I made a crapton of money at Crapplebee's.  I also had a few nights of debauchery and lots of free beer.  We used to have a manager that would "accidently" leave the taps on when we were closing up.
    mrsconn23
  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha The Midwestern tundra member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I never knew others called it Crapplbee's!
    image
  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Whoa!! I like Applebee's.



    Anniversary
    image

    image
  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha The Midwestern tundra member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper

    Whoa!! I like Applebee's.

    I do too but the service at ours is awful
    image
  • KahlylaKahlyla Moncton, NB member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper

    So the other night I blew up at one of our groomsmen because he was making about the 100th joke about doing something to my fiance before the wedding... this time he was joking about shaving my fiance's head the night before the wedding. Now the groomsmen is upset because I treated him like a child, which he was acting like, and is threatening to not be in the wedding. This is my fiance's best friend, although my fiance is pretty upset by his actions as well, so as of right now we are thinking about not having him in the wedding. I don't want to make a knee jerk reaction out of anger because they have been friends for over ten years, so I was thinking about having my fiance sit down and talk to him about our expectations. Before I do that, does anyone think these expectations are too extreme: 


         1) Make sure
    everyone is having a good time, not just you, everyone, which means if you see
    a need... fill it. if you see someone needs help... help. If someone doesn’t have a
    drink (in the wedding party)... get them one. Make sure everyone is happy and enjoying themselves, and
    if there is something you can do to make them have more fun do it. This is not
    about you having a good time, this is about what can you do to make sure this
    is a memorable time for the wedding party, and especially the bride and groom. If they are having a good time, you will be having a good time. 

    2)      Do not
    make life more stressful for the bride and groom… be as helpful as possible. Do
    things when asked. Get things done right away. If you think it might stress the
    bride or groom out, don’t do it. Use common sense. At this point, everything
    stresses the bride out, which stresses the groom out.

    3)      Buy a
    present. You can go in with people, but you are expected to buy a nice present.
    Check out their wedding registry.

    4)      Bachelor
    party… talk to the groom about what he wants to do, but make the arrangements,
    so if he wants a party bus, you research and investigate limo companies, get a
    list from the groom who he wants to invite, send out invitations and confirm
    who is coming and how much the cost. Come up with a game plan.

    5)      If you
    are asked to give a speech, you are to do it in under five minutes, it should
    be about the bride and groom and how happy you are for them, it should not be a
    roast, you need to remember your audience is people who do not know you and may
    not know the bride and the groom, so choose jokes wisely.

    6)      Do not
    get overly intoxicated. Do not drink the night before the wedding. Do not get
    the groom drunk. Do not get the groom drunk the night before the wedding. 

    7)  Smile in pictures and do what you are told by the photographer. 

    8) Do what you are told without question on the day of the wedding. 

    9) Be early to everything. If your on time, your late.

    Let me know if you think this is too extreme. 

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!



    *breath



    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
    image
    mrscomposerKnottie89023321
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