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Bridal Shower Questions

lyssibellexolyssibellexo member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I'm having trouble letting go of control on things like the bridal shower! Everything I've read says the bride (me) has no business planning or paying for the bridal shower. I have a HUGE problem with this! Being 22, all of my bridesmaids are still in college and can't afford to help out with paying for the bridal shower on top of buying their own dresses/accessories. I graduated college quickly and make really good money as a nurse. 

Is it inappropriate to pay for and help plan my own bridal shower? I don't want my MoH or my other bridesmaids saddled with the burden of paying for a bridal shower.  I need answers!
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Re: Bridal Shower Questions

  • indianaalumindianaalum member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited March 2015
    yes, it is inappropriate. you cannot plan and/or pay for your own shower

    If you want to help them out financially, offer to pay for part/all of their dresses to save on expenses for them, but still...you can't expect them to put that money toward the shower. You would simply be doing it to help lessen the expense they are spending on your wedding


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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Knottie33955764 said:

    I'm having trouble letting go of control on things like the bridal shower! Everything I've read says the bride (me) has no business planning or paying for the bridal shower. I have a HUGE problem with this! Being 22, all of my bridesmaids are still in college and can't afford to help out with paying for the bridal shower on top of buying their own dresses/accessories. I graduated college quickly and make really good money as a nurse. 


    Is it inappropriate to pay for and help plan my own bridal shower? I don't want my MoH or my other bridesmaids saddled with the burden of paying for a bridal shower.  I need answers!


    If you want your wedding party to wear specific accessories, then that cost would be on you. If you are really concerned about their financial burdens, then make very sure you ask each BM privately what they can afford to spend on a dress.

    The best thing you can do for your bridal party is make sure they understand that they are under NO obligation to host a shower. Do not bring it up.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You absolutely should have nothing to do with your shower. It's very rude, not to mention insulting to the shower hosts.

    If your friends can't afford to throw you a shower, they won't offer to throw one. 

    Since you're worried that your WP doesn't have a lot of money, be sure to ask their budgets for dresses and respect the rule that you pay for required accessories (shoes) and any pro services, like hair. 
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  • lyssibellexolyssibellexo member
    First Comment
    southernbelle0915 said:

    Knottie33955764 said:

    I'm having trouble letting go of control on things like the bridal shower! Everything I've read says the bride (me) has no business planning or paying for the bridal shower. I have a HUGE problem with this! Being 22, all of my bridesmaids are still in college and can't afford to help out with paying for the bridal shower on top of buying their own dresses/accessories. I graduated college quickly and make really good money as a nurse. 


    Is it inappropriate to pay for and help plan my own bridal shower? I don't want my MoH or my other bridesmaids saddled with the burden of paying for a bridal shower.  I need answers!
    Everything you've read is right. The reason you're supposed to be hands off is because the shower is a gift giving event. You being involved means your planning an event where you're asking for presents - super tacky.

    If no one offers to throw you a shower, you don't get one. You cant ask people to throw you parties - that's even more imposing than asking people to give you presents. Lots of people don't have showers and its no big deal. Relax.
    Oh, no, my MoH is already wanting to throw it and everything, I'm not forcing a bridal shower on anyone... I just feel guilty for anyone paying for a party for me.  So I'm not saying, "Can I throw myself a bridal shower." It's more like, one is already being planned and I'd like to pay for it to ease the expenses of my close friends.
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  • teddygirl9teddygirl9 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    There are also more people than just your bridesmaids that can offer. A large majority of the ones I've been to for younger people, it's the mother/aunt of the bride who throws it. I'd assume at your age it would be similar.
    image
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    lyssibellexo said:


    southernbelle0915 said:

    Knottie33955764 said:

    I'm having trouble letting go of control on things like the bridal shower! Everything I've read says the bride (me) has no business planning or paying for the bridal shower. I have a HUGE problem with this! Being 22, all of my bridesmaids are still in college and can't afford to help out with paying for the bridal shower on top of buying their own dresses/accessories. I graduated college quickly and make really good money as a nurse. 


    Is it inappropriate to pay for and help plan my own bridal shower? I don't want my MoH or my other bridesmaids saddled with the burden of paying for a bridal shower.  I need answers!
    Everything you've read is right. The reason you're supposed to be hands off is because the shower is a gift giving event. You being involved means your planning an event where you're asking for presents - super tacky.

    If no one offers to throw you a shower, you don't get one. You cant ask people to throw you parties - that's even more imposing than asking people to give you presents. Lots of people don't have showers and its no big deal. Relax.
    Oh, no, my MoH is already wanting to throw it and everything, I'm not forcing a bridal shower on anyone... I just feel guilty for anyone paying for a party for me.  So I'm not saying, "Can I throw myself a bridal shower." It's more like, one is already being planned and I'd like to pay for it to ease the expenses of my close friends.
    It's very sweet of you to offer, but it's not ok from an etiquette perspective.

    If you want to help out your BMs financially, purchase their dresses. And don't require specific shoes, jewelry, hair, or make up unless you're willing to pay for it. That would basically make their only costs traveling to your wedding. Those are THE best weddings to stand up in!
    *********************************************************************************

    image
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  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    If you want to ease an expense why not pay for their dresses, especially since you should already be paying for their accessories... I'm sure that would be a big budget saver.
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    lyssibellexo said:


    southernbelle0915 said:

    Knottie33955764 said:

    I'm having trouble letting go of control on things like the bridal shower! Everything I've read says the bride (me) has no business planning or paying for the bridal shower. I have a HUGE problem with this! Being 22, all of my bridesmaids are still in college and can't afford to help out with paying for the bridal shower on top of buying their own dresses/accessories. I graduated college quickly and make really good money as a nurse. 


    Is it inappropriate to pay for and help plan my own bridal shower? I don't want my MoH or my other bridesmaids saddled with the burden of paying for a bridal shower.  I need answers!
    Everything you've read is right. The reason you're supposed to be hands off is because the shower is a gift giving event. You being involved means your planning an event where you're asking for presents - super tacky.

    If no one offers to throw you a shower, you don't get one. You cant ask people to throw you parties - that's even more imposing than asking people to give you presents. Lots of people don't have showers and its no big deal. Relax.
    Oh, no, my MoH is already wanting to throw it and everything, I'm not forcing a bridal shower on anyone... I just feel guilty for anyone paying for a party for me.  So I'm not saying, "Can I throw myself a bridal shower." It's more like, one is already being planned and I'd like to pay for it to ease the expenses of my close friends.
    That's nice that your MoH wants to throw you one. You may want to subtly convey that you're happy with the simplest of parties. I don't know when bridal showers morphed into a plated lunch at some fancy restaurant, but honestly, a shower can be held at a home for the cost of homemade cake, appetizers, and punch. When asked for your guest list, keep it small. Doesn't have to break anyone's bank at all! 

    ________________________________


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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    thisismynickname said:

    lyssibellexo said:


    southernbelle0915 said:

    Knottie33955764 said:

    I'm having trouble letting go of control on things like the bridal shower! Everything I've read says the bride (me) has no business planning or paying for the bridal shower. I have a HUGE problem with this! Being 22, all of my bridesmaids are still in college and can't afford to help out with paying for the bridal shower on top of buying their own dresses/accessories. I graduated college quickly and make really good money as a nurse. 


    Is it inappropriate to pay for and help plan my own bridal shower? I don't want my MoH or my other bridesmaids saddled with the burden of paying for a bridal shower.  I need answers!
    Everything you've read is right. The reason you're supposed to be hands off is because the shower is a gift giving event. You being involved means your planning an event where you're asking for presents - super tacky.

    If no one offers to throw you a shower, you don't get one. You cant ask people to throw you parties - that's even more imposing than asking people to give you presents. Lots of people don't have showers and its no big deal. Relax.
    Oh, no, my MoH is already wanting to throw it and everything, I'm not forcing a bridal shower on anyone... I just feel guilty for anyone paying for a party for me.  So I'm not saying, "Can I throw myself a bridal shower." It's more like, one is already being planned and I'd like to pay for it to ease the expenses of my close friends.
    That's nice that your MoH wants to throw you one. You may want to subtly convey that you're happy with the simplest of parties. I don't know when bridal showers morphed into a plated lunch at some fancy restaurant, but honestly, a shower can be held at a home for the cost of homemade cake, appetizers, and punch. When asked for your guest list, keep it small. Doesn't have to break anyone's bank at all! 

    Ten guests, a plate of sub sandwiches and lemon cake from Costco, and a bowl of punch at a friend's house or apartment sounds like the best kind of shower.  Then you give your friend, the host, a nice gift like a giftcard to her favorite restaurant or Starbucks to thank her for the wonderful party.
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