this is the code for the render ad
Wedding Etiquette Forum

Family member planning a PPD before first wedding has happened.

whovianstarkwhovianstark member
100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
edited March 2015 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My cousin just announced via Facebook: We wanted to have a huge wedding this year that everyone is invited to, but sadly we can't afford that. So we decided instead to have a smaller wedding and in a year or so we are going to have a big wedding that everyone is invited to!!! She then goes on to say, sorry for those I haven't been able to invite yet but it is a really small venue. (So, I guess I'm not invited, when I was invited to her previous plan, which is completely fine but I didn't expect to find that out from a Facebook post haha). 

I probably won't say anything to her but I would be thankful to hear suggestions. I just don't want to come off as judgmental because I am having my dream wedding later this year so I know we are in different financial situations. It's just that after reading the PPD boards I completely get it, by her saying she already wants a second wedding she has in her mind that the first one won't be special enough. I completely disagree, just because a wedding is small that doesn't make it any less special and there is NO reason to reboot it. Honestly, the only thing that frustrates me about this situation is that some family members might choose her wedding over mine due to financial reasons. Which I would normally be fine with but they will choosing a wedding that the bride doesn't even see as special enough. Hopefully as she starts to plan her wedding she will get more excited and realize she DOESN'T need a PPD.

ETA: edited title for clarification

Re: Family member planning a PPD before first wedding has happened.

  • Do you really think they would choose hers when they know it is a redo?  I wouldn't.  If I had 2 cousins or 2 nieces with ceremonies close together and one was a PPD, it would be no contest which one I would choose.

    I wouldn't anything to her about the PPD.  Leave that to her mom, grandma, or a gossipy aunt.  I really think her FB post will turn off a lot of people who will be invited to the PPD - it came across quite poorly.  FTR - I don't go crazed about PPDs unless people lie about it.  At least she isn't doing that.

  • whovianstarkwhovianstark member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited March 2015
    kmmssg said:

    Do you really think they would choose hers when they know it is a redo?  I wouldn't.  If I had 2 cousins or 2 nieces with ceremonies close together and one was a PPD, it would be no contest which one I would choose.

    I wouldn't anything to her about the PPD.  Leave that to her mom, grandma, or a gossipy aunt.  I really think her FB post will turn off a lot of people who will be invited to the PPD - it came across quite poorly.  FTR - I don't go crazed about PPDs unless people lie about it.  At least she isn't doing that.

    Thanks for the reply. I will edit my post to clarify it a little. The wedding coming up is her first wedding and she is already planning a second wedding before the first one has even happened. If the family members are close enough to her to get an invite to the first wedding they should totally choose that one, the only thing that irks me is that she is already planning a second wedding. So, I dunno, it feels like they are choosing a wedding that is only half a wedding or something (the first one is a legit wedding to me just the fact that she doesn't see it that way makes me feel like it is a half wedding).
  • I'm confused, are you worried they'll pick her first/actual wedding over yours or the PPD over yours?
    image
  • redoryx said:

    I'm confused, are you worried they'll pick her first/actual wedding over yours or the PPD over yours?

    Sorry for the confusion. I'm not sure I can articulate this well. It's only slightly annoying. It's just that if she is already planning a PPD to me it seems like the first wedding won't be special enough, or real enough (to HER not me). So, people will choose to go to her first wedding when she is already planning (in her mind) her real wedding (the PPD). But in all reality they should choose to go to her first wedding because this PPD will probably never happen. I guess I just don't like her attitude towards her first wedding. Hopefully she will get excited about planning it soon and realize it IS legit and special.
  • "I wish you all the best at your wedding!"  Send a gift and card to that wedding and pretend like the PPD does not exist.  Unless you are super close it really isn't even your place to say anything to her.  I know it's tempting - but just keep focusing on your own wedding.  I saw a ton of etiquette nonos leading up to my wedding and I just kept my mouth shut and figured they would see how it was done at my wedding.
    image
  • I just don't get it--if they can afford to have the bigger wedding next year...why not just have the wedding next year? Why are they rushing to have it this year?
  • I just don't get it--if they can afford to have the bigger wedding next year...why not just have the wedding next year? Why are they rushing to have it this year?

    YOU DON'T KNOW THEIR LIFE!!! Reasons, OK?!?!?!?   /sarcasm
    HAHAH! I don't have an explaination for it... not that there would be an acceptable reason anyway. I mainly wanted to vent on here because I know its not my place to say anything. I just hope she comes to her senses because I don't see this ending well. The most likely scenario I see is that she has the small wedding. Starts to plan the big wedding for a couple of months and realizes she either can't afford it or why would she plan a big wedding when she is already married and regrets her first wedding because she only ever saw it as a rough draft wedding.
  • I just don't get it--if they can afford to have the bigger wedding next year...why not just have the wedding next year? Why are they rushing to have it this year?

    YOU DON'T KNOW THEIR LIFE!!! Reasons, OK?!?!?!?   /sarcasm
    HAHAH! I don't have an explaination for it... not that there would be an acceptable reason anyway. I mainly wanted to vent on here because I know its not my place to say anything. I just hope she comes to her senses because I don't see this ending well. The most likely scenario I see is that she has the small wedding. Starts to plan the big wedding for a couple of months and realizes she either can't afford it or why would she plan a big wedding when she is already married and regrets her first wedding because she only ever saw it as a rough draft wedding.


    OMG I have a very similar situation in my family. Cousin got engaged in September 2014, sent out STDs for a wedding in September 2015. Great. Fine. I get engaged in December 2014. In December they decide (for a reason none of still understand) to get married that month- small wedding, facebook invites, potluck reception, posts registry information all over facebook so people know how to get her gifts...the whole shebang. She remains insistent that they will have a vow renewal and (potluck BYOB) reception in September 2015. FI and I want to get married in September, but we decide to avoid that month in deference to her and the date that she chose. Then we don't hear anything for a month or 2- my mom posts a link to my wedding website on our family's facebook group page. Magically 2 days later, her PPD website gets posted. Meanwhile, she is going on and on over my fb page about how tough wedding planning is and how exciting it is that we are both 2015 brides (um, yeah, you're a 2014 bride, but alright). Then 2 weeks ago without warning, her wedding website disappears... her September event is cancelled? 

    Because her PPD is 2 weeks after our wedding I doubt we would go anyway, but what worries most the most at this point is that she will RSVP yes to our wedding (with her 4 kids) and realize the day before that it's expensive to drive 6 hours and stay in a hotel overnight and not show-up. And then my dad, who has very little tolerance for antics, is going to freak out about paying $500 to have her family at our wedding to not have them show up.  
  • chloe97 said:

    I just don't get it--if they can afford to have the bigger wedding next year...why not just have the wedding next year? Why are they rushing to have it this year?

    YOU DON'T KNOW THEIR LIFE!!! Reasons, OK?!?!?!?   /sarcasm
    HAHAH! I don't have an explaination for it... not that there would be an acceptable reason anyway. I mainly wanted to vent on here because I know its not my place to say anything. I just hope she comes to her senses because I don't see this ending well. The most likely scenario I see is that she has the small wedding. Starts to plan the big wedding for a couple of months and realizes she either can't afford it or why would she plan a big wedding when she is already married and regrets her first wedding because she only ever saw it as a rough draft wedding.
    OMG I have a very similar situation in my family. Cousin got engaged in September 2014, sent out STDs for a wedding in September 2015. Great. Fine. I get engaged in December 2014. In December they decide (for a reason none of still understand) to get married that month- small wedding, facebook invites, potluck reception, posts registry information all over facebook so people know how to get her gifts...the whole shebang. She remains insistent that they will have a vow renewal and (potluck BYOB) reception in September 2015. FI and I want to get married in September, but we decide to avoid that month in deference to her and the date that she chose. Then we don't hear anything for a month or 2- my mom posts a link to my wedding website on our family's facebook group page. Magically 2 days later, her PPD website gets posted. Meanwhile, she is going on and on over my fb page about how tough wedding planning is and how exciting it is that we are both 2015 brides (um, yeah, you're a 2014 bride, but alright). Then 2 weeks ago without warning, her wedding website disappears... her September event is cancelled? 

    Because her PPD is 2 weeks after our wedding I doubt we would go anyway, but what worries most the most at this point is that she will RSVP yes to our wedding (with her 4 kids) and realize the day before that it's expensive to drive 6 hours and stay in a hotel overnight and not show-up. And then my dad, who has very little tolerance for antics, is going to freak out about paying $500 to have her family at our wedding to not have them show up.  


    @Chloe97 Wow that really puts my issue in perspective! Crazy! So you are getting married in August instead? I understand not getting married in September but it sucks to try to be polite and accommodating to a PPD!
  • @whovianstark Yes we are getting married in August. The month after we got engaged we went back and forth on whether to pick the day after her PPD because it was a Sunday and a holiday weekend so people wouldn't have to work the next day (FI is Jewish and traditionally Jewish weddings  are not held on Saturday). My mom, who has little patience for her BS ( I could tell you stories) encouraged us to pick the September day because we would get a discount. Ultimately, after talking to other family members, we decided it wasn't worth the 10% in savings and the Sunday date to come off as big jerks to everyone else. So even though I was 99% sure the wedding would get canceled (this is now her 4th or 5th wedding/PPD that has been scheduled and called off) .
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards