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Beer/Wine at Rehearsal

edited March 2015 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
We want to keep our rehearsal dinner low-key and inexpensive.  We contacted a local pizza place to host our rehearsal.  This isn't a private space, but the restaurant will reserve tables for us.  We are thinking just pizza, salad and soda/water/coffee/tea.  I would like to include beer and wine, but it's just too expensive. We need to buy the wine and beer by the pitcher/bottle.  In the dining area, there will be a bar because the restaurant is open to the rest of the public.   Is is rude to not provide beer/wine?  

I know many of our guest will more than likely buy a drink or two on their own at the bar.   I don't want this to cause confusion with our guests (thinking that we're paying for drinks at the bar or putting it on our tab).  Is it OK to host a rehearsal like this?   I just don't want people getting confused, going up and ordering a drink and then realizing it's not included. 

I know you can't come out and say, "no hosted bar." and you can't tell people it's a "cash bar". But, is there a tactful way to let people know that the bar is open to the public, but not included as part of our dinner.  

Re: Beer/Wine at Rehearsal

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    edited March 2015
    If you host a dinner at a restaurant and host food and non-alcoholic beverages then you are fine. You, your FI and any other lists should NOT drink anything that you are not providing free of charge to your guests. If they go tot he bar that is in the restaurant and purchase alcohol, they are ones being rude, not you. It is fine to host a meal without alcohol, as long as none of the hosts are drinking alcohol you're good.

    We want to keep our rehearsal dinner low-key and inexpensive.  We contacted a local pizza place to host our rehearsal.  This isn't a private space, but the restaurant will reserve tables for us.  We are thinking just pizza, salad and soda/water/coffee/tea.  I would like to include beer and wine, but it's just too expensive. We need to buy the wine and beer by the pitcher/bottle.  In the dining area, there will be a bar because the restaurant is open to the rest of the public.   Is is rude to not provide beer/wine?  


    I know many of our guest will more than likely buy a drink or two on their own at the bar.   I don't want this to cause confusion with our guests (thinking that we're paying for drinks at the bar or putting it on our tab).  Is it OK to host a rehearsal like this?   I just don't want people getting confused, going up and ordering a drink and then realizing it's not included. 

    I know you can't come out and say, "no hosted bar." and you can't tell people it's a "cash bar". But, is there a tactful way to let people know that the bar is open to the public, but not included as part of our dinner.  

    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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    "Please join us at [restaurant] following the rehearsal at [time] for pizza, salads, and soft drinks." And there you go.

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    I think by stating what you're hosting you absolve yourselves of needing to provide the alcohol.


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    Also, you might want to make sure waitstaff is aware - I'd hate to ask a waiter for a beer with my pizza ... and only to have it delivered with a bill. If someone asks for a beer, the waiter can say, "Oh, we are only serving water, coffee, tea, etc."
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    I don't think it's rude for guests to get a drink, if they'd like a drink.

    I agree that the invitation wording should clearly state what you are providing and through word of mouth people will figure it out.
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    What you have planned is fine. You can instruct the servers that if someone orders a beer or wine at the table, they should tell them that only soft drinks are hosted. They'll get the hint that you aren't hosting alcohol, whether they get it from the server or the bar. No need to point it out. Like photokitty said, don't order alcohol for yourselves if you're not hosting it - that is rude and will give your guests the wrong impression.

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    You're in the clear just providing soft drinks. Beer and wine aren't required. 

    But I agree 100% with @photokitty that if you aren't paying for it for any of your guests, you shouldn't drink it in front of people. It'd be kind of like inviting people to your house for dinner and opening a bottle of wine in front of them without offering any, but then having some wine off to the side that said "$5/glass". KWIM? Just think of it in terms of how you'd host people in your own home.
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    You're in the clear just providing soft drinks. Beer and wine aren't required. 


    But I agree 100% with @photokitty that if you aren't paying for it for any of your guests, you shouldn't drink it in front of people. It'd be kind of like inviting people to your house for dinner and opening a bottle of wine in front of them without offering any, but then having some wine off to the side that said "$5/glass". KWIM? Just think of it in terms of how you'd host people in your own home.
    Definitely this.    My MIL sometimes does this in the house and it annoys me to no end. 
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    edited March 2015

    I don't think it's rude for guests to get a drink, if they'd like a drink.

    I agree that the invitation wording should clearly state what you are providing and through word of mouth people will figure it out.

    Sorrynotsorry, it is rude. Would you order an appetizer and eat it in front of the hosts? To purchase something not being offered by the hosts suggests that you don't feel they are properly hosting you. If you get a drink from the bar is also could lead other guests to believe that alcohol is included and make for an awkward situation for the hosts. You graciously accept what you're served.

    ETA - Really bad typo
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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    I don't think it's rude for guests to get a drink, if they'd like a drink.

    I agree that the invitation wording should clearly state what you are providing and through word of mouth people will figure it out.

    Sorrynotsorry, it is rude. Would you order an appetizer and eat it infant of the hosts? To purchase something not being offered by the hosts suggests that you don't feel they are properly hosting you. If you get a drink from the bar is also could lead other guests to believe that alcohol is included and make for an awkward situation for the hosts. You graciously except what your are served.
    I totally agree. Sadly, lots of folks won't think it's rude to do so, and unfortunately, calling these folks out as it is happening is rude in and of itself.
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    I don't think it's rude for guests to get a drink, if they'd like a drink.

    I agree that the invitation wording should clearly state what you are providing and through word of mouth people will figure it out.
    Sorrynotsorry, it is rude. Would you order an appetizer and eat it infant of the hosts? To purchase something not being offered by the hosts suggests that you don't feel they are properly hosting you. If you get a drink from the bar is also could lead other guests to believe that alcohol is included and make for an awkward situation for the hosts. You graciously accept what you're served.

    Trying SO hard not to laugh because it's great advice.

    Please don't eat the babies.

    image
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    edited March 2015

    I don't think it's rude for guests to get a drink, if they'd like a drink.

    I agree that the invitation wording should clearly state what you are providing and through word of mouth people will figure it out.
    Sorrynotsorry, it is rude. Would you order an appetizer and eat it infant of the hosts? To purchase something not being offered by the hosts suggests that you don't feel they are properly hosting you. If you get a drink from the bar is also could lead other guests to believe that alcohol is included and make for an awkward situation for the hosts. You graciously accept what you're served.
    Trying SO hard not to laugh because it's great advice.

    Please don't eat the babies.


    Or cats...no eating of babies or kitties please (fucking autocorrect)
    image

    sjf2715 you are totally correct - calling them out on rude behavior is even ruder. Just pointing out here tot he OP, if people buy beer  they are being rude, not her. She is hosting them properly without the beer :)
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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    I don't think it's rude for guests to get a drink, if they'd like a drink.

    I agree that the invitation wording should clearly state what you are providing and through word of mouth people will figure it out.
    Sorrynotsorry, it is rude. Would you order an appetizer and eat it infant of the hosts? To purchase something not being offered by the hosts suggests that you don't feel they are properly hosting you. If you get a drink from the bar is also could lead other guests to believe that alcohol is included and make for an awkward situation for the hosts. You graciously accept what you're served.
    Trying SO hard not to laugh because it's great advice.

    Please don't eat the babies.


    Speak for yourself, image

    I totally nibble those cheeks, thighs and piggies. 
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    Just curious. If there is a separate bar could you just open a tab there for your guests? That way if they want something you wouldn't have to order a whole bottle? Or is all of their alcohol served that way? I don't have much experience in the restaurant industry but I've never been to a place that requires bottle/ pitcher purchase.
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    banana468 said:

    You're in the clear just providing soft drinks. Beer and wine aren't required. 


    But I agree 100% with @photokitty that if you aren't paying for it for any of your guests, you shouldn't drink it in front of people. It'd be kind of like inviting people to your house for dinner and opening a bottle of wine in front of them without offering any, but then having some wine off to the side that said "$5/glass". KWIM? Just think of it in terms of how you'd host people in your own home.
    Definitely this.    My MIL sometimes does this in the house and it annoys me to no end. 
    image
    image
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    banana468 said:

    You're in the clear just providing soft drinks. Beer and wine aren't required. 


    But I agree 100% with @photokitty that if you aren't paying for it for any of your guests, you shouldn't drink it in front of people. It'd be kind of like inviting people to your house for dinner and opening a bottle of wine in front of them without offering any, but then having some wine off to the side that said "$5/glass". KWIM? Just think of it in terms of how you'd host people in your own home.
    Definitely this.    My MIL sometimes does this in the house and it annoys me to no end. 
    image
    She opens a bottle of wine and doesn't offer you any? Or she makes you pay. Both rude, but you're comment makes it seem she's charging, which is crazy crazy.
    image
    image

    image


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    banana468 said:

    You're in the clear just providing soft drinks. Beer and wine aren't required. 


    But I agree 100% with @photokitty that if you aren't paying for it for any of your guests, you shouldn't drink it in front of people. It'd be kind of like inviting people to your house for dinner and opening a bottle of wine in front of them without offering any, but then having some wine off to the side that said "$5/glass". KWIM? Just think of it in terms of how you'd host people in your own home.
    Definitely this.    My MIL sometimes does this in the house and it annoys me to no end. 
    image
    She opens a bottle of wine and doesn't offer you any? Or she makes you pay. Both rude, but you're comment makes it seem she's charging, which is crazy crazy.
    She'll have her 'Secret stash" of stuff.   So it's known that she's not going to offer that out when we're over.   

    She's also been invited over a neighbor's for dinner, decided that she wasn't really into it and brought her own meal to eat instead. 
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    banana468 said:

    banana468 said:

    You're in the clear just providing soft drinks. Beer and wine aren't required. 


    But I agree 100% with @photokitty that if you aren't paying for it for any of your guests, you shouldn't drink it in front of people. It'd be kind of like inviting people to your house for dinner and opening a bottle of wine in front of them without offering any, but then having some wine off to the side that said "$5/glass". KWIM? Just think of it in terms of how you'd host people in your own home.
    Definitely this.    My MIL sometimes does this in the house and it annoys me to no end. 
    image
    She opens a bottle of wine and doesn't offer you any? Or she makes you pay. Both rude, but you're comment makes it seem she's charging, which is crazy crazy.
    She'll have her 'Secret stash" of stuff.   So it's known that she's not going to offer that out when we're over.   

    She's also been invited over a neighbor's for dinner, decided that she wasn't really into it and brought her own meal to eat instead. 
    image
    image
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