The stress has set in, and I'm annoyed.

Re: The stress has set in, and I'm annoyed.

• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  March 2015

  It's not petty, 90 people not RSVPing is AWFUL. Ugh.

  
  

  I would get in touch with the people on your FMIL's list. She's obviously not going to do it. Just have your FI tell her that y'all are taking care of it. If you need it by Friday, I wouldn't be above sending a BCC email to all the stragglers and just mass sending it out. Definitely not the etiquette approved way to do it, but you have 90 people and 2 days. And I would word it as "Our caterer needs final numbers for seating and meals. If we don't hear from you by the end of the day Thursday, we will assume you aren't coming." sorrynotsorry on that one.

  
  

  Just try to breathe and not let stuff get under your skin. This is supposed to be an incredibly happy time. Try to focus on that.

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• LadyMillil member

  

  March 2015

  Tracking down RSVPs is the worst. Three weeks out seems early for needing hard numbers. We had to give estimates 2 weeks out but could change it up until 4 days before.
  
  I wouldn't worry about coming across like a bitch to FMIL. You need to know how many people are coming by Friday so there is a meal and chair for them. That's a very reasonable reason to ask her to contact people now or to give you their numbers.

  
  

  

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• buttercup1958

  

  March 2015

  Yeah I would try to send an email to everyone and say if you don't get their respond by a certain time then you are going to assume they aren't coming. 90 people is an insane amount of people! Its not petty at all, so be annoyed all you want. 

  

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• climbingsingle member

  

  March 2015

  I totally get it. I had relatives of my MIL that never even responded to the invite, or our phone calls. It's frustrating. I also had people ask me incredibly dumb questions the weeks leading up to the wedding. And my cousin and aunt drove me insane. 

  
  

  I'm on vacation starting tomorrow, and this day is SO SLOW. So that's annoying me. 

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  March 2015

  I would have your FI get the phone numbers/email addresses from his Mom ASAP.  This way you don't have to deal with her and you won't have to worry about coming across as a bitch.

  
  

  I also agree with PP about sending out a mass email.  As long as you are polite in your email then I wouldn't be worried about being seen as pushy.  You need the numbers by Friday so at this point you kind of have to be a bit pushy.

  
  

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• flyingfoxes member

  

  March 2015

  We put a deadline of March 27 on our RSVPs, and I feel ya - we're gonna have to track down some people starting next weekend.  it sucks - but 90 people?  Not cool.  I would contact them yourself and not rely on anyone else to do it.  My stress level would be through the roof!

  
  
  
  

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• OliveOilsMom member

  

  March 2015

  If taking this over from FMIL will lower your stress level than have FI go over there and get the information.  You can both split the list and make the calls.  The email blast is also a good idea.

  Sorry you are dealing with this! 

  

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• novella1186 member

  

  March 2015

  Ugh, that's so frustrating! I'm sorry! 

  
  

  The thing annoying me: We had an RSVP date set based on when the caterer needs the final count. In my phone meeting with our caterer last night, she said they actually need the count TWO WEEKS earlier than what they originally told me. Um... no. I won't have all the RSVPs by then, let alone have time to track down the missing ones. If you needed the count by that date then the contract shouldn't say otherwise. Jackasses. 

  

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• plainjane0415 member

  

  March 2015

  I'm sorry you're stressed!  3 weeks, though, it's almost here!  Just focus on all the fun you will be having then, and maybe that will help.  I'm sorry I don't have any advice on RSVP's... Hope your day gets better!

  
  

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• Couggal12 member

  

  March 2015

  90 people sounds terrible. I would be beyond annoyed if I was you. I'm sorry you're dealing with that kind of stress. 

  
  

  I had a very hard time getting H to track down the replies from his family. Half of them mailed their RSVP in late, and then a good handful of them were no shows at the wedding. I get it, life happens and things change but, it just bothered me they replied late and still didn't make it and we paid for them to be there. 

  

  
  

  
  

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• beachyone15 member

  

  March 2015

  90 people is a lot. I'm hoping the invites were all successfully delivered. Did you put a return address on them?
  

  
  
  
  
  
  
  

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• loveislouder member

  

  March 2015

  90 people is ridiculous! Another vote for the mass e-mail.
  

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• theycallmelinz member

  

  March 2015

  We did put a return address on there. I've spoken with FMIL and I've gotta all but 3 of the RSVPs from her. The majority of people are FI's friends either from work or from his hometown. I'm trying to get him to remember to ask the work people, and as for his friends, hopefully he is going to follow up with them tonight. We got our no response number down to 57...so there's that. 

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• OliveOilsMom member

  

  March 2015

  Can you call FI at his work and remind him to ask his co-workers?  H usually asks me for reminders like this.  Sometimes when he gets to work, it just goes crazy and by the time it settles down he has forgotten what he wanted to do.

  

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• wandajune6 member

  

  March 2015

  We had a lot of people to contact as well. I think it was around 50. We used a combination of FB messenger, text, and calls when needed. I copy/pasted the same damn message over and over in FB and text for each person. It was time-consuming but my neurotic self wanted the read receipts so  knew if they got it or were ignoring me.
  
  There were 2 people I never got an RSVP from and haven't heard from since.
  

  

  

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• knottie9c5ed33df4bbd226 member

  

  March 2015

  I would tell FI if he doesn't get them by today then you're going to assume his coworkers/friends aren't coming. Or I would tell him I was going to start messaging people on Fbook. My FI hates when I do that because then he says they will think he couldn't do it himself so that threat usually works.

  
  

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• teddygirl9 member

  

  March 2015

  57 is much better than 90, so that's a good start! But omg, that would drive me insane!

   

  3 weeks though, awesome! So exciting

  

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• theycallmelinz member

  

  March 2015

  YEAH! Out of that 57, 40 of them are all FI's friends either from work or from his hometown. I just texted and reminded him to ask the work guys before he leaves today, and I'm gonna have him calling others when he gets home tonight. 

  
  

  It bothers me when I can see that people have seen my Facebook message and didn't respond, but I'm giving those people until 8am Friday morning to respond and then I'm just going to message them again and state that I'm putting them down as not coming. I would just let it go, but I don't want them randomly showing up after never getting back with me about whether they are coming.

  
  

  Side note, I had asked my mom and dad to contact members of the family that I didn't have phone numbers for, and my mom says "Your dad thinks its rude to call and ask people if they are coming. Just add a few extra numbers to what you already have and leave it at that." 

  My response: "It's more rude for those people to not RSVP when I gave them a self-addressed envelope and a stamp for them to mail their response. I'm not guessing on 100 people." And then I facebook messaged the hell out of those people. Grrrrr

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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