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Daddy And Momma Drama

effervescentmaybrideeffervescentmaybride member
First Comment
in Wedding Woes
So, I am facing a dilemma. My parents are divorced, my dad is remarried, and my mom is about to get married. And yet... my father, the one man who is supposed to be there for me through anything... is saying he won't come to the wedding if my mother's fiancee comes. And if I let Mom's fiancee come... I am picking him over my father.

HELP!!! WHAT DO I DOOOOO???

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Re: Daddy And Momma Drama

  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    effervescentmaybride said:

    So, I am facing a dilemma. My parents are divorced, my dad is remarried, and my mom is about to get married. And yet... my father, the one man who is supposed to be there for me through anything... is saying he won't come to the wedding if my mother's fiancee comes. And if I let Mom's fiancee come... I am picking him over my father.


    HELP!!! WHAT DO I DOOOOO???
    Call his bluff. Tell him you will miss him and move on. Invite everyone and it's up to him whether or not he comes. I know it would be horrible but you cannot allow or enable this kind of crazy. 

    My MIL threatened to boycott the wedding, among a ton of other stupid bullshit. When she finally said she'd come, H nicely told her that he wouldn't hesitate to remove her if she acted like a douche. She came and acted like an adult (for the most part). 

    My point is that as upsetting as this guy might be to your father, hopefully he can be an adult and set his own feeling aside for you, for one day. If not, that's on him and not your problem. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
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  • effervescentmaybrideeffervescentmaybride member
    First Comment
    I mentioned that I will only be getting married once, and asked him if he could set it aside just for the day for me. His daughter.

    And he simply said, "Yea, I thought I was only getting married once too."

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  • drunkenwitchdrunkenwitch member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    First, pour yourself a huge glass of wine, drink it, repeat as needed.

    Second, big hugs, this just plain sucks.

    Third, this is all on your father and not in anyway, shape or form on you or your fault. None of it. Your fatjer is acting like a spoiled child and a jerk.

    My advice, call his bluff. Tell him you're sorry he won't be able to make it. Tell him that you will not be cruel and disrespectful to your mother and if he chooses not be there it is his choice.

    Finally, you won't be choosing your mom over him, he is choosing to cause a childish scene OVER YOU.

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  • drunkenwitchdrunkenwitch member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited March 2015
    effervescentmaybride said:

    I mentioned that I will only be getting married once, and asked him if he could set it aside just for the day for me. His daughter.


    And he simply said, "Yea, I thought I was only getting married once too."
    What the fuck, I saw that after I posted and I am livid on your behalf. Call his bluff, put your foot down and stay strong.

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  • effervescentmaybrideeffervescentmaybride member
    First Comment
    I feel like that is really mean. I get that he doesn't want to see said fiancee because my mom cheated. BUT.... THERE IS A BUT.

    He was verbally and mentally abusive to her and always threatened to kill her if she left him.

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  • effervescentmaybrideeffervescentmaybride member
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    He never actually physically abused her. More just cussing and name calling

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  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    As long as everyone is safe, none of that history matters. Very few divorces are happy ones. But most parents can get over themselves. Those that cannot, should sit at home in their own crazy while the adults are partying.
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  • thespeshulestsnowflakethespeshulestsnowflake member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    effervescentmaybride said:

    So, I am facing a dilemma. My parents are divorced, my dad is remarried, and my mom is about to get married. And yet... my father, the one man who is supposed to be there for me through anything... is saying he won't come to the wedding if my mother's fiancee comes. And if I let Mom's fiancee come... I am picking him over my father.


    HELP!!! WHAT DO I DOOOOO???
    Assuming your FI is male (which based off your profile pic, he is), shouldn't the bolded be directed towards your FI?

    Otherwise, call his bluff. But after what you said he's said to your mother when they were married, I can't see why he is invited in the first place.
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  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    He abused you mom and he's invited to your wedding, much less in your life?
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  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    My rule of thumb is invite everyone, and let the invited make their own decisions whether to attend.

    Though in your case, I'd have a hard time even managing "...if not, you will be missed" re: your dad.  He sounds like a colossal dickhead. 
    �
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  • redoryxredoryx member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    effervescentmaybride said:

    He never actually physically abused her. More just cussing and name calling

    Still abusive. You even said yourself it was verbal and mental abusive. Just because there aren't physical wounds or black eyes doesn't make it any less damaging. 
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  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Oh he never beat her? Then yeah death threats are totes cool of him. Like how else you gonna keep a woman in line? Bitches yo.

    If you invite him, you might want to have security pat him down. In case he decides to follow through with those death threats.
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  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    ShesSoCold said:

    As long as everyone is safe, none of that history matters. Very few divorces are happy ones. But most parents can get over themselves. Those that cannot, should sit at home in their own crazy while the adults are partying.

    Not happy and DEATH THREATS are not the same thing.
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I think your dad is a manipulator, who pulls out all the stops to get his way.

    I'm snarky enough to say, "Well I wasn't inviting you anyway, so glad to know we're all on the same page" and flounce out.  But that's not polite thing.

    Tell him your mother's FI is invited, b/c that's her partner.  That's not you picked that FI over your dad, it's you supporting YOUR MOTHER over your asshole father.  And if that means he won't come, you're terribly sorry.  I don't think in this case, I'd say he'd be missed.  If he does come, i think you need to have someone keeping an eye on him.  With the little info you've given, he's going to find some way to make this about him and make a scene.
    �
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  • JaniV123JaniV123 member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    your dod sounds like a man child. tell him he can show up or not and that your mom will be there with her FI. He can get over it or not show up and be a douche


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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    effervescentmaybride said:

    He never actually physically abused her. More just cussing and name calling



    That's verbal abuse, which is still abuse. 

    Assuming you do decide to invite your dad, he needs to get over it, especially since he's remarried himself.  But I think you're going to need to have security available to throw him out on his ass if you do invite him and he does attend and makes a scene.

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