Wedding Etiquette Forum

Inviting Co-Workers/Boss to Shower?

Hi all!

I just started a new job this past February and there are 4 women (plus myself) who work very closely with one another. In creating the guest list for my shower, I'm not sure who I should/shouldn't include on the list I give to my MOH. I would love to have the 4 women I mentioned earlier at the shower. These 4 women didn't receive a save the date, since those went out prior to me starting my job, but obviously if I invite them to the shower then they will also be invited to the wedding.

Is this making sense? Is it ok to only invite certain co-workers to the shower/wedding? I'm close enough with each of them that I can make it clear that it shouldn't be discussed at work, so as to not offend anyone who wasn't invited. I just want to be sure that it isn't "tacky" to invite them after only having known them for about 2 months? They each have asked questions about the wedding/wedding planning, so part of me feels like talking about wedding plans with them would be rude if they weren't invited to be a part of the festivities.

I'll take any advice/feedback/guidance anyone has to offer. :)

Re: Inviting Co-Workers/Boss to Shower?

  • Ditto Scribe. There's a difference between being close while at work, and being close all the time. It could come off as gift grabby to invite them to a shower when you're only work-close.

    If you're actually friends, hang out outside of work, etc, go ahead and invite them to the shower. Otherwise I'd leave it as wedding only.

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    skstreb[Deleted User]
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I wouldn't, either. Unless they became your besties in that time, you are likely not all that close to them to warrant a shower invitation.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    skstreb
  • Agree with PP's.  It hasn't even been two full months - I sort of question how good of friends these people could have become in that amount of time while at work.  "Work friends" and "friend friends" are two different things, as are "being friends" and "being friendly".

    I'm not sure when your wedding is, but this certainly wouldn't preclude you from letting your work relationships develop into actual friendships and inviting them to the wedding if you wish down the road.  But a shower is specifically a gift giving event - you're not inviting these women to movie or game night at your house, you're inviting them to shower you with gifts.  That seems a little gift grabby for coworkers you've known less than two months, no matter how close you feel your relationships have become in that time.
    skstreb
  • You guys are fantastic! :) Thank you so much for the clarification and guidance!
    theartistformerlyknownas
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I invited co workers to my shower (and wedding), but I had worked with them for 3-6 years and we hung out outside of work. 

    I agree with PP that 2 months is too soon to be inviting people to showers, but absolutely invite them to the wedding if you want to when the time for invites comes. Just don't forget to invite their SO as well.
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    rcher912
  • Etiquette-wise, it's fine to invite some co-workers to your wedding and not others. Though it you work in a very small office, it could be awkward if you invite, say, 4 of 6 people in your office.

    That said, I agree with PP's that the shower should be your nearest and dearest. If you consider these people good friends outside of work, go for it. But if they are "work friends," then I personally wouldn't invite them.

    Small thread jack, something I have been meaning to share here: I work at a large corporate office, and recently I saw flyers up everywhere saying "(Bride) is getting married! Join us for her bridal shower on xx day. Bride is registered at Bed Bath and Beyond." So, open invitation to everyone at the office, and I am guessing no one has actually been invited to the wedding. This happens every. single. time. someone gets married. I am really hoping my co-workers know knot to pull this shit for me, because there is just nothing right about it. I don't want a bunch of people I am not inviting to my wedding throwing me a shower. Awkward.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Etiquette-wise, it's fine to invite some co-workers to your wedding and not others. Though it you work in a very small office, it could be awkward if you invite, say, 4 of 6 people in your office.


    That said, I agree with PP's that the shower should be your nearest and dearest. If you consider these people good friends outside of work, go for it. But if they are "work friends," then I personally wouldn't invite them.

    Small thread jack, something I have been meaning to share here: I work at a large corporate office, and recently I saw flyers up everywhere saying "(Bride) is getting married! Join us for her bridal shower on xx day. Bride is registered at Bed Bath and Beyond." So, open invitation to everyone at the office, and I am guessing no one has actually been invited to the wedding. This happens every. single. time. someone gets married. I am really hoping my co-workers know knot to pull this shit for me, because there is just nothing right about it. I don't want a bunch of people I am not inviting to my wedding throwing me a shower. Awkward.
    Eh, this has happened every place I've ever worked. Usually coordinated via email rather than flier, but still composed of lots of people who aren't invited to the wedding. As long as the bride herself isn't throwing it, it's NBD. Same as church showers. It doesn't create an obligation to invite any of these people to the wedding when the couple didn't have any say in the part being thrown.

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  • Etiquette-wise, it's fine to invite some co-workers to your wedding and not others. Though it you work in a very small office, it could be awkward if you invite, say, 4 of 6 people in your office.


    That said, I agree with PP's that the shower should be your nearest and dearest. If you consider these people good friends outside of work, go for it. But if they are "work friends," then I personally wouldn't invite them.

    Small thread jack, something I have been meaning to share here: I work at a large corporate office, and recently I saw flyers up everywhere saying "(Bride) is getting married! Join us for her bridal shower on xx day. Bride is registered at Bed Bath and Beyond." So, open invitation to everyone at the office, and I am guessing no one has actually been invited to the wedding. This happens every. single. time. someone gets married. I am really hoping my co-workers know knot to pull this shit for me, because there is just nothing right about it. I don't want a bunch of people I am not inviting to my wedding throwing me a shower. Awkward.
    Eh, this has happened every place I've ever worked. Usually coordinated via email rather than flier, but still composed of lots of people who aren't invited to the wedding. As long as the bride herself isn't throwing it, it's NBD. Same as church showers. It doesn't create an obligation to invite any of these people to the wedding when the couple didn't have any say in the part being thrown.
    The worst part about these work showers is that they're practically mandatory.  I HAVE to go, should probably bring a dish to pass, and also either have to bring a gift myself or contribute to the group gift.  It's not optional and it sucks.
  • madamerwinmadamerwin member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited March 2015
    adk19 said:

    Etiquette-wise, it's fine to invite some co-workers to your wedding and not others. Though it you work in a very small office, it could be awkward if you invite, say, 4 of 6 people in your office.


    That said, I agree with PP's that the shower should be your nearest and dearest. If you consider these people good friends outside of work, go for it. But if they are "work friends," then I personally wouldn't invite them.

    Small thread jack, something I have been meaning to share here: I work at a large corporate office, and recently I saw flyers up everywhere saying "(Bride) is getting married! Join us for her bridal shower on xx day. Bride is registered at Bed Bath and Beyond." So, open invitation to everyone at the office, and I am guessing no one has actually been invited to the wedding. This happens every. single. time. someone gets married. I am really hoping my co-workers know knot to pull this shit for me, because there is just nothing right about it. I don't want a bunch of people I am not inviting to my wedding throwing me a shower. Awkward.
    Eh, this has happened every place I've ever worked. Usually coordinated via email rather than flier, but still composed of lots of people who aren't invited to the wedding. As long as the bride herself isn't throwing it, it's NBD. Same as church showers. It doesn't create an obligation to invite any of these people to the wedding when the couple didn't have any say in the part being thrown.
    The worst part about these work showers is that they're practically mandatory.  I HAVE to go, should probably bring a dish to pass, and also either have to bring a gift myself or contribute to the group gift.  It's not optional and it sucks.

    ---------------------MISSING BOXES----------------------

    At least the ones at my work are optional, since they just put flyers on every single door and don't invite anyone by name (so I can pretend I didn't see the flyers?). I refuse to go on principle... It just seems so gift-grabby to me, especially since it's just an open invitation to everyone (though yes, I know, it's not the brides who throw these work showers usually). Maybe not an etiquette breach, but I definitely side-eye work showers.

    I don't love being the center of attention anyway, and I am not particularly close to my coworkers, so it just seems weird. If I worked in a small office, or one where people were social outside of work, maybe it would be different. But I would feel weird accepting gifts from people I am in no way close to.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    adk19 said:

    Etiquette-wise, it's fine to invite some co-workers to your wedding and not others. Though it you work in a very small office, it could be awkward if you invite, say, 4 of 6 people in your office.


    That said, I agree with PP's that the shower should be your nearest and dearest. If you consider these people good friends outside of work, go for it. But if they are "work friends," then I personally wouldn't invite them.

    Small thread jack, something I have been meaning to share here: I work at a large corporate office, and recently I saw flyers up everywhere saying "(Bride) is getting married! Join us for her bridal shower on xx day. Bride is registered at Bed Bath and Beyond." So, open invitation to everyone at the office, and I am guessing no one has actually been invited to the wedding. This happens every. single. time. someone gets married. I am really hoping my co-workers know knot to pull this shit for me, because there is just nothing right about it. I don't want a bunch of people I am not inviting to my wedding throwing me a shower. Awkward.
    Eh, this has happened every place I've ever worked. Usually coordinated via email rather than flier, but still composed of lots of people who aren't invited to the wedding. As long as the bride herself isn't throwing it, it's NBD. Same as church showers. It doesn't create an obligation to invite any of these people to the wedding when the couple didn't have any say in the part being thrown.
    The worst part about these work showers is that they're practically mandatory.  I HAVE to go, should probably bring a dish to pass, and also either have to bring a gift myself or contribute to the group gift.  It's not optional and it sucks.
    That is annoying. At my office, the showers are thrown with thought put into the guest list, like, who works with this person a lot and talks to them a lot in the breakroom? It's definitely not a free-for-all, so showers that happen, the guests seem more than happy to attend, and normally guets are invited to contribute to a gift card- totally no pressure. My office likes excuses for CAKE. Oh, and they're often a surprise too, no flyers!

    But yeah, personal shower? Too early in the working relationship for that. 
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    [Deleted User]
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