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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Introducing in-laws in cases of divorce

Hello everyone! I'm just wondering about the etiquette for parents meeting each other? 


My parents live about 4 hours away from us and his parents lives about 2 hours in a different direction. His parents are separated but still live in the same area. They separated a few years ago and as far as we are aware divorce proceedings are basically halted because of a disagreement on the alimony. Otherwise they don’t really see each other and my FI isn’t concerned that they would get dramatic with each other but he thinks his mom would have a hard time being in the same room in a situation where she can’t leave if she wants to. 


A good friend of ours offered to possibly host an engagement party as his mother’s house, assuming she’d be okay with that. She has a large backyard which would be perfect for a BBQ and we hadn’t really thought about how our parents would meet until we talked about it today. I was thinking it’d be nice for them to meet more one on one before any sort of group event like that while I think my FI originally thought they’d just meet at the engagement party. FI is also somewhat concerned that if my parents met his individually then whoever met my parents second would be upset that they weren’t introduced first. He also doesn’t think his mom would like a situation where all six of us go for dinner and she doesn’t have an option to leave when she’s no longer comfortable. 


So we don’t really know how to proceed, if any of these ideas are particularly good, or if there are any formalities we should be taking into account otherwise so any advice would be very helpful. Thank you!


Re: Introducing in-laws in cases of divorce

  • nirew16 said:

    Hello everyone! I'm just wondering about the etiquette for parents meeting each other? 


    My parents live about 4 hours away from us and his parents lives about 2 hours in a different direction. His parents are separated but still live in the same area. They separated a few years ago and as far as we are aware divorce proceedings are basically halted because of a disagreement on the alimony. Otherwise they don’t really see each other and my FI isn’t concerned that they would get dramatic with each other but he thinks his mom would have a hard time being in the same room in a situation where she can’t leave if she wants to. 


    A good friend of ours offered to possibly host an engagement party as his mother’s house, assuming she’d be okay with that. She has a large backyard which would be perfect for a BBQ and we hadn’t really thought about how our parents would meet until we talked about it today. I was thinking it’d be nice for them to meet more one on one before any sort of group event like that while I think my FI originally thought they’d just meet at the engagement party. FI is also somewhat concerned that if my parents met his individually then whoever met my parents second would be upset that they weren’t introduced first. He also doesn’t think his mom would like a situation where all six of us go for dinner and she doesn’t have an option to leave when she’s no longer comfortable. 


    So we don’t really know how to proceed, if any of these ideas are particularly good, or if there are any formalities we should be taking into account otherwise so any advice would be very helpful. Thank you!


    My parents are divorced, mom is remarried 14yrs, Dad is dating someone. My FIs parents are still married. His parents met my Mom separately from my Dad for the first time. Then the 5 of us (minus Dad's girlfriend) all had dinner in a neutral place. My parents get along VERY well and I don't think there would've been any issue, but I think meeting in a neutral place helps because then you don't have the territoriality of meeting someone/being on someone's home turf. 

    When you're dealing with divorced parents, they should and need to love you more than you hate each other. Chances are, you/he are WAY overthinking it. If one of them gets mad that the other got to meet the set of parents first, that's not your problem. That's theirs. They're acting foolishly. However, with the engagement party being at your FI's mother's house where your FI's father does not reside, I wouldn't be hurt if he didn't show up or made a very quick appearance. 

    And with dinner, we sat ourselves at each end of the table, then the parents across from each other. So I had a parent on each side of me (with my stepdad seated by my mother), and he had a parent on each side of him. I only did that so my parents were comfortable to be able to talk to me and not over FI's parents and visa versa. They should be able to get through one meal together. If they can't do that, they'll never make it through the wedding.

    These people are adults. And they should behave as such. If they can't, that's not your problem.

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  • I really think you are over thinking things.

    Just have them meet at the engagement party.  This way they will have time to get to know each other if they want to and your FI Mom will be able to mingle with others when she gets uncomfortable.  You are making too much out of your parents meeting.  Sure it is important, but it isn't the end of the world.  Many parents don't meet until the wedding day.  I mean how often will the parents really all be together after you are married?  So really a simple "these are my parents" is all that is needed.

  • Now that you both say it, yeah I would say we are over thinking things. I just wasn't sure if there were certain formalities we should follow but that makes sense that its really not a big deal these days. Nothing is set in stone regarding the engagement party and I don't think the original idea is going to pan out after all anyways. If we still have an engagement party, I guess thats the best way to do it. If not, we both just thought it would be nice for them to meet before the wedding day. 
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