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AnnoymouseBride124 · February 2015

xxx

futurecptkirk · February 2015

My mom hated all my invitations (she is paying and she cares a lot about it). I decided there are more important things in life than an invitation and let it go and picked one that is formal AF. Just think about the 3 most important things to you and let the rest go. It's helped me a lot.

ETA: Mom is paying. She gets to decide.

ashley8918 · February 2015

Who cares what your mom thinks about the invitations? Just pick one. Is she paying?

Stay out of the shower planning drama. They are adults.

thisismynickname2 · February 2015

Do your best to stay out of the bridesmaid drama, considering you can't plan your own shower, after all. Think about why you would be called impulsive--- are you doing due diligence or does your FI perceive you're not? Maybe you are doing due diligence and he's just not aware. That sounds like a communication concern to iron out. Unless your mom is paying for the invites or expressly said her financial contribution includes control over the invites, she shouldn't have a say and you should pick the ones you like the most.

Breathe!

Maggie0829 · February 2015

katemachugh317 said:
I am coming here to vent because I think my fiancé has had enough. I have bridesmaid drama with one bridesmaid overtaking the shower planning and pissing the others off. Whenever I want to make a decision about the wedding my fiancé thinks I am being impulsive. He doesn't realize that the decisions have to be made on a timeline and I am not being overzealous. My mom HATES all of the invitation samples I picked out because she does not think they are formal enough. I am seriously starting to lose my mind.

Anyone else at this point in planning?

First breathe.

Second, any drama that occurs between your BMs during the shower planning process is not your concern. They are adults and can deal with it between themselves. If they come to bitch to you then simply say "BM, I love you, but I do not want to get involved. This is between you and Sarah."

When is your wedding? What exactly does your FI have an issue with when it comes to making decisions about the wedding? Does he feel like he isn't getting enough say? Does he feel like it isn't necessary to make that decision right this second? Yes, some things need to be decided, but there is no set timeline for things. If he doesn't want you to make a decision at the moment then ask him what his concerns are over that decision.

Who is paying for the wedding? If your Mom is then she gets a say over the invites. If you and your FI are then she gets no say. If your Mom is only contributing a portion then you and she need to decide where that portion goes towards (ie, food, drinks, invites, etc). If you decide that her money will go towards invites then she gets a say.

climbingsingle · February 2015

ashley8918 said:
Who cares what your mom thinks about the invitations? Just pick one. Is she paying?

Stay out of the shower planning drama. They are adults.

THIS.

lovemesomemonster · February 2015

Not sure of your whole situation but I'm kind of feeling it with my FI as well. The venue I was really interested in books WAY early in the winter.. we're talking a year or more in advance.. so I started looking at other options right away to make sure if he agreed with me on the one I really wanted then we could still get it.. We agreed on the venue and got it booked. All conversations about wedding have been 5 minutes tops, we have maybe spent an hour TOTAL talking wedding since early December and when I bring anything up I get the "Oh my gosh, can we talk about anything but the wedding!?" Now I just kind of giggle, all I really cared about was venue, food, booze.. those are nailed down so yay. If your FI is anything like mine, I totally get it!

lovemesomemonster · February 2015

Not sure of your whole situation but I'm kind of feeling it with my FI as well. The venue I was really interested in books WAY early in the winter.. we're talking a year or more in advance.. so I started looking at other options right away to make sure if he agreed with me on the one I really wanted then we could still get it.. We agreed on the venue and got it booked. All conversations about wedding have been 5 minutes tops, we have maybe spent an hour TOTAL talking wedding since early December and when I bring anything up I get the "Oh my gosh, can we talk about anything but the wedding!?" Now I just kind of giggle, all I really cared about was venue, food, booze.. those are nailed down so yay. If your FI is anything like mine, I totally get it!

jacques27 · February 2015

Looking through your posting history - you are getting married in October, right?

Take a breath. Realize that a lot of the "timelines" you read about are basically wedding industry propaganda. People pull together weddings in short periods of time all the time. Are there certain things you might want to allow a significant amount of time for? Sure? But the majority of the elements for a wedding are the same things you would have any other party - Music? DJ? Food? Decorations? Invitations? People manage to put those things together in a few weeks to a few months. Funerals have someone officiating, loved ones gathering, music during the service, flowers, food afterward - and those manage to get planned in 3-7 days. Someone here just posted a thread about majorly procrastinating on booking major things with only a couple months to go and she managed to get all the vendors she wanted.

Putting that much pressure on a "timeline" is going to make this a miserable experience for both of you. He could be interpreting it as impulsive because you're putting too much emphasis on the timeline and being frantic about it. Or maybe he just needs more time to process things. I tend to be very laissez faire about decision making until I get a gut feeling about something and then I'm balls to the wall full speed ahead act now and ask questions later. SO cannot be rushed into decision making. You just learn to communicate, compromise, and adapt.

[Deleted User] · March 2015

Wanting your wedding to go your way doesn't make you a Bridezilla! Just communicate. Talk about your vision. If your wedding is more casual, having a formal invitation doesn't fit. Talk to your mom about the wedding as a whole, then hopefully she'll be more on board. Show your fiance a wedding timeline that you see everywhere. Plus the earlier you start booking, the less likely you are going to be declined by a vendor because they are already booked.

princessgracekelly · March 2015

jacques27 said:
Looking through your posting history - you are getting married in October, right?
Take a breath. Realize that a lot of the "timelines" you read about are basically wedding industry propaganda. People pull together weddings in short periods of time all the time. Are there certain things you might want to allow a significant amount of time for? Sure? But the majority of the elements for a wedding are the same things you would have any other party - Music? DJ? Food? Decorations? Invitations? People manage to put those things together in a few weeks to a few months. Funerals have someone officiating, loved ones gathering, music during the service, flowers, food afterward - and those manage to get planned in 3-7 days. Someone here just posted a thread about majorly procrastinating on booking major things with only a couple months to go and she managed to get all the vendors she wanted.
Putting that much pressure on a "timeline" is going to make this a miserable experience for both of you. He could be interpreting it as impulsive because you're putting too much emphasis on the timeline and being frantic about it. Or maybe he just needs more time to process things. I tend to be very laissez faire about decision making until I get a gut feeling about something and then I'm balls to the wall full speed ahead act now and ask questions later. SO cannot be rushed into decision making. You just learn to communicate, compromise, and adapt.

I bolded that because I've had similar conflicts with my fiancé and he told me essentially what jacques27 said above. Don't let wedding industry timelines dictate your planning. The industry thinks you want custom everything from dress to invitations, and the craft of those things do take a long time because you have to teach the mice in little mice outfits how to sing as well as how to sew, among other things. Just do things in the order the timeline states, not necessarily in the time the timeline states, and you'll be fine.

AnnoymouseBride124 · March 2015

Thanks everyone for the advice. I think I just hit a boiling point and needed to vent. I am going to not be so pushy about decisions and learn to communicate better with my FI. I appreciate you guys!

blushingbride8888 · March 2015

Honestly I totally get you being upset about the invitations, but think of it this way - that's the last thing people will remember about your wedding. Most of them will end up in the trash.

We've all hit roadblocks of frustration. Find an outlet like yoga, chocolate, Netflix watching or a glass of wine to relax. It's SO much stress. I completely understand.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2015

EcktoberWedding said:
I am coming here to vent because I think my fiancé has had enough. I have bridesmaid drama with one bridesmaid overtaking the shower planning and pissing the others off. Whenever I want to make a decision about the wedding my fiancé thinks I am being impulsive. He doesn't realize that the decisions have to be made on a timeline and I am not being overzealous. My mom HATES all of the invitation samples I picked out because she does not think they are formal enough. I am seriously starting to lose my mind.

Anyone else at this point in planning?

If you truly are having a tiered wedding reception- only a handful of your 300+ guestlist is being hosted at dinner- ten you have far greater issues with your wedding than bridesmaid drama and your invitations.

In fact, I wouldn't send out any of those invitations until you can cut your total guestlist down to only the people you can actually afford to host correctly.

I'd also cut the harpist, Elvis impersonator, welcome bags, and teacup favors if cutting all of that would allow you to properly feed everyone.

ShesSoCold · March 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

EcktoberWedding said:
I am coming here to vent because I think my fiancé has had enough. I have bridesmaid drama with one bridesmaid overtaking the shower planning and pissing the others off. Whenever I want to make a decision about the wedding my fiancé thinks I am being impulsive. He doesn't realize that the decisions have to be made on a timeline and I am not being overzealous. My mom HATES all of the invitation samples I picked out because she does not think they are formal enough. I am seriously starting to lose my mind.

Anyone else at this point in planning?
If you truly are having a tiered wedding reception- only a handful of your 300+ guestlist is being hosted at dinner- ten you have far greater issues with your wedding than bridesmaid drama and your invitations.

In fact, I wouldn't send out any of those invitations until you can cut your total guestlist down to only the people you can actually afford to host correctly.

I'd also cut the harpist, Elvis impersonator, welcome bags, and teacup favors if cutting all of that would allow you to properly feed everyone.

This. Your issues are not with the invitations or the shower. Your issues are with bad hosting and bad etiquette.

polkad0t · March 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

EcktoberWedding said:
I am coming here to vent because I think my fiancé has had enough. I have bridesmaid drama with one bridesmaid overtaking the shower planning and pissing the others off. Whenever I want to make a decision about the wedding my fiancé thinks I am being impulsive. He doesn't realize that the decisions have to be made on a timeline and I am not being overzealous. My mom HATES all of the invitation samples I picked out because she does not think they are formal enough. I am seriously starting to lose my mind.

Anyone else at this point in planning?
If you truly are having a tiered wedding reception- only a handful of your 300+ guestlist is being hosted at dinner- ten you have far greater issues with your wedding than bridesmaid drama and your invitations.

In fact, I wouldn't send out any of those invitations until you can cut your total guestlist down to only the people you can actually afford to host correctly.

I'd also cut the harpist, Elvis impersonator, welcome bags, and teacup favors if cutting all of that would allow you to properly feed everyone.

Oh good Lord. Looked up comment history and you're right. And she's having two first dances. This is like the nemesis wedding of Snarky Brides.

ETA: I think if you have two "first" dances then technically isn't one a "second" dance?

rcher912 · March 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

If you truly are having a tiered wedding reception- only a handful of your 300+ guestlist is being hosted at dinner- ten you have far greater issues with your wedding than bridesmaid drama and your invitations.

In fact, I wouldn't send out any of those invitations until you can cut your total guestlist down to only the people you can actually afford to host correctly.

I'd also cut the harpist, Elvis impersonator, welcome bags, and teacup favors if cutting all of that would allow you to properly feed everyone.

...wait, this wasn't a joke? I thought this was a joke...no?

Then yes. I'd worry less about timeline and more about budget...and hosting people appropriately.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2015

rcher912 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

If you truly are having a tiered wedding reception- only a handful of your 300+ guestlist is being hosted at dinner- ten you have far greater issues with your wedding than bridesmaid drama and your invitations.

In fact, I wouldn't send out any of those invitations until you can cut your total guestlist down to only the people you can actually afford to host correctly.

I'd also cut the harpist, Elvis impersonator, welcome bags, and teacup favors if cutting all of that would allow you to properly feed everyone.
...wait, this wasn't a joke? I thought this was a joke...no?

Then yes. I'd worry less about timeline and more about budget...and hosting people appropriately.

Nope, those are the "wow" factors for her wedding.

flantastic · March 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

rcher912 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

If you truly are having a tiered wedding reception- only a handful of your 300+ guestlist is being hosted at dinner- ten you have far greater issues with your wedding than bridesmaid drama and your invitations.

In fact, I wouldn't send out any of those invitations until you can cut your total guestlist down to only the people you can actually afford to host correctly.

I'd also cut the harpist, Elvis impersonator, welcome bags, and teacup favors if cutting all of that would allow you to properly feed everyone.
...wait, this wasn't a joke? I thought this was a joke...no?

Then yes. I'd worry less about timeline and more about budget...and hosting people appropriately.
Nope, those are the "wow" factors for her wedding.

I would be "wowed," alright - that she spent the time and money on this useless crap but couldn't be bothered to do a minimal job taking care of the actual needs of or thanking people she supposedly cares about.

People will be talking about her wedding for years if she has an Elvis impersonator and teacup favors, but not in the way she's hoping for.

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