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My BM's imaginary wedding snark

NiccolinasNiccolinas member
First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
in Snarky Brides
I have to vent or should I say, snark. One of my BM's who I've been friends with since college and I are the last two single girls left out of our friends. I'm now getting married and have been pretty quiet about my planning and so forth until a couple months ago. I had to get moving on the BM dresses. Ever since I started getting into the details she has started to plan her own wedding and will call and complain about venues, flowers, guest list, etc, not even saying "hello" first, but here's the best part....she's not engaged!!! No ring, no proposal, nothing!!!! It's all she talks about. It's straight up annoying. The part that is irking me the most is she's knocking my very REAL wedding and saying things like its "excessive" and "showy" and her "wedding" is going to be simple and elegant. Really?!? I bite my tongue every time we're on the phone. I want to scream "WTF! YOU'RE NOT ENGAGED!!!!" I've been overly careful about talking too much wedding with her, because I get it. I've been in her seat before when our others friends got married. I'm trying very hard to give her a pass because she's super sensitive about not being married or engaged, but correct me if I'm wrong, she's being rude and a little hurtful. She's even talked about possibly missing my shower because that "might" be the weekend he proposes.

My poor fiancé has heard enough on this topic and thinks she's anything but a friend.
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Re: My BM's imaginary wedding snark

  • larrygagalarrygaga member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited March 2015
    Is she seriously planning a wedding with her FI? That means she is engaged. A ring and a proposal mean jack shit. Plenty of people get engaged without a ring or proposal, and instead just plan a wedding without all that. 

    Are you worried she is stealing your thunder? You both need to grow up. When you do you will realize that a wedding is nothing but a luxurious party, and what matters that day is the marriage ceremony. Did ya'll forget the marriage part? Everything beyond the 20 dollar marriage certificate is EXTRA

    I agree with your fiance. You both are bad for each other.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Yeah, I need more info. Does her boyfriend not know she is planning? Because if he knows, he is her fiancé, they are engaged, and she's doing nothing wrong by planning. The ring and proposal are not necessary to plan a wedding.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • lavenderfields13lavenderfields13 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper

    I read this as the friend is BSC and pre-planning without her SO's knowledge. OP says that the friend is considering not going to the bridal shower because her SO MIGHT propose that weekend. Definitely seems like they're not actually engaged yet.

    Is this correct, OP? If so I'd probably kindly tell her that she might want to consider waiting to plan when she's actually engaged. Although if she's really not engaged yet and is complaining about flowers, guest list, etc then she's nuts.

     




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  • rcher912rcher912 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    I have a friend who turns everything from my wedding into a comparison of how hers went, and how little they spent, and how mine is...hm..."interesting". and how she would have done this or that the same or different.

    I get being annoyed by the constant wedding talk, real or imaginary, especially in the midst of your own planning. I actually hate talking about my wedding, so it's not even like I'm trying to go all SS on her, I just want to, like, know what's going on in her life and shit.
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  • Vivandiere8Vivandiere8 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Sounds like your friend is just showing her jealousy and frustration at not being engaged yet in a really bad way. Even if she really were engaged that is no reason for her to talk badly about your wedding.

    Also, I know people on here say if you are talking about getting married that means you are engaged but... no it doesn't always mean that. I have known girls to preplan a wedding with a boyfriend to the extream... but when they broke up it was not a broken engagement, and the man certainly never considered them engaged.  Engagement is not something you fall into acccidentally. Unless there has been a clear conversation that you are engaged either with a proposal, or both of you saying "Ok, we are doing this" you are not engaged. Just as you are not really married no matter how much you feel like it, live in the same house, have kids, and are fully committed. You still aren't married. Plain and simple.
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  • kellyem2kellyem2 member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    Ugh. I don't know why so many people have decided weddings need to be a contest. I mean, a lot of what goes into planning a wedding is based on your personal taste so unless you're doing something that's straight up rude there really isn't a "right" or "wrong" way to have a wedding.

    I'd agree that your friend is being rude for constantly bashing your day. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like she's likely to stop. My bet is either she's having trouble in her relationship that she's hoping a proposal will fix or her boyfriend dropped a hint that has her going a little crazy. Either way it's not your problem. I'd continue your strategy of avoiding talking about your wedding with her so you can get through things with minimal drama...and seriously hope she doesn't ask you to be a BM if the guy ever proposes.
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