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RSVP card - thoughts?

bizzy592bizzy592 member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
A friend showed me her invites today. Included was an rsvp card, where she is asking guests to indicate which events they'll be attending (welcome drinks, ceremony, reception, and brunch the following day - each fully hosted). It makes sense to me, so that they can plan out each event. But is it rude to ask people whether they'll be attending both the ceremony and reception? As opposed to assuming that if guests attend one, they'll attend both?


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Re: RSVP card - thoughts?

  • sarawifenowsarawifenow member
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    I think this is really rude. I've heard of people including a separate RSVP card for welcome drinks and for day-after brunches, but never for the ceremony and reception.
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  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 member
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    bizzy592 said:

    A friend showed me her invites today. Included was an rsvp card, where she is asking guests to indicate which events they'll be attending (welcome drinks, ceremony, reception, and brunch the following day - each fully hosted). It makes sense to me, so that they can plan out each event. But is it rude to ask people whether they'll be attending both the ceremony and reception? As opposed to assuming that if guests attend one, they'll attend both?


    I don't think it's necessarily rude, but it's strange for a few reasons. 1) The extra stuff (welcome drinks, brunch), should be an insert or word of mouth/wedding website. Not a huge deal, though.

    2) Implying that the ceremony and the reception are two separate events kinda raises my alarm a little bit. It makes me wonder if there's a gap or if the couple don't really understand what a reception is actually for.



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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    edited March 2015
    What I find strange about all of this is how large of an event this bride is making her wedding.   The most important thing about the bride is the fact that she's getting married.  She's having a ceremony and then hosting a reception to thank guests.   Idon't think having an RSVP for both ceremony/reception is rude as long as everyone is invited to both.  

    The rest of the events are not meant to be so big they require a formal invitation sent 8 weeks in advance.   It's a courtesy to guests to have a welcome party and a post-wedding brunch.  Those events are also usually for a smaller set of guests (OOT, immediate family, and bridal party) and not every single last person invited to the wedding.   

    I don't think it's rude but more "showy" to have all these events listed on an RSVP.   It also puts guests in an interesting position.   You're never obligated to attend any event; however, when all those events are on a single invitation it comes off as pushy.   If every single guests is invited, then it makes me think that the couple is a little full of themselves and thinks their party should never stop. 
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
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    Knottie29408529 said:

    What I find strange about all of this is how large of an event this bride is making her wedding.   The most important thing about the bride is the fact that she's getting married.  She's having a ceremony and then hosting a reception to thank guests.   Idon't think having an RSVP for both ceremony/reception is rude as long as everyone is invited to both.  


    The rest of the events are not meant to be so big they require a formal invitation sent 8 weeks in advance.   It's a courtesy to guests to have a welcome party and a post-wedding brunch.  Those events are also usually for a smaller set of guests (OOT, immediate family, and bridal party) and not every single last person invited to the wedding.   

    I don't think it's rude but more "showy" to have all these events listed on an RSVP.   It also puts guests in an interesting position.   You're never obligated to attend any event; however, when all those events are on a single invitation it comes off as pushy.   If every single guests is invited, then it makes me think that the couple is a little full of themselves and thinks their party should never stop. 
    I don't know. I've been to weddings where everyone was invited to the rehearsal dinner, and others where everyone was invited to the brunch the next day. But they were separate invites or at least separate inserts. I didn't find it showy at all. If everything is fully hosted, sign me up!

    And I think most people know to RSVP for the reception, but it's not wrong to just go to the ceremony. I think people usually indicate if they can only go to the ceremony though. 

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  • slothiegalslothiegal member
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    bizzy592 said:

    A friend showed me her invites today. Included was an rsvp card, where she is asking guests to indicate which events they'll be attending (welcome drinks, ceremony, reception, and brunch the following day - each fully hosted). It makes sense to me, so that they can plan out each event. But is it rude to ask people whether they'll be attending both the ceremony and reception? As opposed to assuming that if guests attend one, they'll attend both?


    Like Dreamer, I don't know if I would call it "rude", but I would definitely think it's strange and wonder if I was missing some information.  

    It also seems like if a guest could only make it to one or the other, they would probably pick up the phone or open up G-mail and mention it to the host(s).  Or at least that's what I would do.   "Hey Cousin Brian, just got your invite.  I have previous commitment that night, but I'll definitely be there for the ceremony!"
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    Separating the ceremony and reception and asking each guest to RSVP to both is the strange part.  Typically if you are invited to the ceremony then most would assume that they will automatically be included in the reception.  But as we have seen on these boards many times, some couples just don't think with logic. 

    Other parties/events outside of the wedding really should have been noted in a different invite or on a separate insert but oh well.

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    I had a few people that didn't attend the ceremony but did attend the reception due to work, but I didn't have anyone just attend the ceremony. I'm going to give the bride to be the benefit of the doubt figuring by asking people who was coming to the ceremony it would give her an idea of how many programs and bubbles and maybe even chairs to rent (or whatever they are doing) they will need compared to how many people she is planning for on favors & seats at the reception. Now normally you would just account for the same number of people at both events. So a little ackward that she split the two events up. I get putting seperate lines for the welcome drinks & brunch.

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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    I don't think it's rude. She's probably trying to figure out logistics. 

    Plus she's hosting additional events for people (welcome drinks and a brunch), so I don't see how it's rude of her to try and figure out who's coming to what. 

    I wouldn't think twice about receiving something like this. I'd just mark yes or no next to whatever I was able to attend. Maybe I'm not understanding something, though....
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  • bizzy592bizzy592 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Thanks all!

    It is OOT for most guests, hence the additional hosted drinks and brunch. It makes perfect sense to me for her to be asking for an rsvp for each event - the separation of ceremony and reception being the strange piece. I'm sure, knowing her, that there won't be a gap.

    Seems like the consensus is odd, but not rude.
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  • delujm0delujm0 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper

    My guests were 90% OOT, so we had a welcome event (in lieu of a traditional rehearsal dinner) and a goodbye brunch.  The information about these events was contained in an insert, but we did just the one RSVP card for all three events.

     

    It is kind of weird to separate ceremony from reception though.  The reason we needed RSVPs for all three events was that we had to provide head counts around the same time for all of them.  Generally you don't need a head count for a ceremony...and people are supposed to go to both.  So that's pretty odd.

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