XP Cousin's husband can't make the wedding, she wants to bring an alternative

Re: XP Cousin's husband can't make the wedding, she wants to bring an alternative

• polkad0t member

  

  March 2015

  Did you address the invitation to her and her husband? I'm guessing so.  You didn't address and didn't therefore invite a plus one.  She'll live.  Carry on with your life and ignore.

  
  

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• flantastic member

  

  March 2015

  jillnicole0 said:

  My step-cousin's husband is away in the Army Reserve, and won't be able to attend my wedding 4/25/15. My brother is in the same Army group and as a result will miss my big day as well. My cousin messaged me last night asking if she could bring along a friend of hers (whom I have never met) in place of her husband. I told her we were already 30 people over budget, therefore, I declined and she seemed annoyed. Did I make the right call? My brother's girlfriend is attending without a plus one, and I really don't care to have a complete stranger at my wedding. Thanks all!

  
  
  She may have seemed annoyed because you brought up the budget as a reason. If it was simply that you had extended an invite directly to her husband and he were able to go, the budget/max wouldn't have factored in. If it's all a matter of the budget and not the people, a substitution shouldn't be a problem - you were going to have to pay for that "spot" anyway. What you should have said: "Sorry, no, we're sorry to hear your husband can't make it, but we can't accommodate any guests who weren't originally on the invitation. Hope you can still come!" You don't have to give a reason beyond that. She may still have been annoyed, but whatever.

  Either way, you didn't do anything really rude and it's not worth following up on or worrying about further.

  The "I don't want a complete stranger at my wedding" rationale is how people try to justify not inviting SOs, so be careful there.

  How did you end up 30 people over budget? Not being able to say no to people wanting to make additions to the guest list? Expecting declines?
  

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• SepiaTone member

  

  May 2015

  If her family is going to be there, she won't be alone, so it's not like she needs a friend for moral support or anything. You made the right choice.
  

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• KLM7386 member

  

  June 2015

  You made the right choice. flantastic- Sometimes it is expected to expect declines but it's also polite to invite them even if they told you that they weren't going. Or you invite them thinking that they won't go and BOOM they're coming. 

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• princessleia22 member

  

  June 2015

  KLM7386 said:

  You made the right choice. flantastic- Sometimes it is expected to expect declines but it's also polite to invite them even if they told you that they weren't going. Or you invite them thinking that they won't go and BOOM they're coming. 

  
  Every person invited should be accounted for in your budget. It is not unheard of to have 100% attendance.  And you should certainly never invite more than you are really able to host. It's okay to expect that you may have less than 100% attendance, but you certainly should make sure you are able to properly host 100%, if they all choose to attend.  I knew in advance that several of my invited guests likely wouldn't come, especially since my wedding was OOT for 100% of my guests.  I invited 75 people.  I expected maybe 50 would attend.  But, I still made sure I could accommodate all 75 people and planned for 75 people. 

   

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