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Wedding Etiquette Forum
FutureMrsKristinOtto
member
Kids Cutoff
My fiancé and I have decided to not have kids at our wedding so that we can invite more people we know/are close to. I am thinking the cutoff will be teens (under 13 not invited) but is this an ok way to go about it? I used to teach dance and have former students I want to invite who are in their teens but don't want that to mean that all children can come. Advice?
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Re: Kids Cutoff
Aside from those issues, you do need to be careful about which kids are invited and which won't. If an arbitrary cutoff will split kids in families who are close in age, e.g. a 14 year old is invited while his/her 12 year old sibling is not, you'll end up with hurt feelings.
I was definitely inviting them with their parents, that would be just weird haha. I am and have been close with them families ever since teaching them (they haven't been my students for 4-5 years) and their parents are just as close to me as their daughters are. The girls still contact me as a mentor for advice, which at that age is relationship advice, and I felt that inviting them to the wedding was appropriate, as well a possibly a good example for them.
The kid's situation is a hard one. We were going to have so many kids at our wedding the kids would have out-numbered the adults by4 to 1. So we did just our children and out of town families children. No age limit. Age limits are hard because some people have children of all different ages. My kids ages range from 13, 7, 6, and 4. Personally, I wouldn't want to bring all my kids to a wedding and beg them to be quite, but, if I went I wouldn't want just one of them to go an the other 3 stay home.
So this might be unpopular, but I'm going to disagree in this instance. Usually, yes it's best not to split up siblings, but this is usually when the parents are the primary guest.
But the difference is that a bar mitzvah or birthday is it is a party for children. They are the target audience, chaperoned, and peers of the guest of honour. By the time I was old enough to be invited to birthday parties, I received my own invitation- my parents weren't invited unless they had a pre-arrangement to assist with chaperoning. And if my parents were coming to assist, my brother and sister would have come along as well.
I was definitely inviting them with their parents, that would be just weird haha. I am and have been close with them families ever since teaching them (they haven't been my students for 4-5 years) and their parents are just as close to me as their daughters are. The girls still contact me as a mentor for advice, which at that age is relationship advice, and I felt that inviting them to the wedding was appropriate, as well a possibly a good example for them.
Yes, but the problem arises when your dance student "Katie" is invited with her parents. Katie's two little brothers (aged 9 and 11) must also be invited to not split the family. Your 13 and up cutoff only works when it does not split siblings. In the long run, inviting these students is probably not the best way to save space.
So this might be unpopular, but I'm going to disagree in this instance. Usually, yes it's best not to split up siblings, but this is usually when the parents are the primary guest.
It seems that her students are the primary guest, and their parents are invited as a courtesy, logistics, etc. I think when the child is the primary guest, it's ok to not invite their siblings. If Suzi is invited to a bar mitzvah her siblings don't get to go too. Same with birthday parties.
Now, I think it would be best to invite the whole family, but I don't think it's necessary in this case.
But the difference is that a bar mitzvah or birthday is it is a party for children. They are the target audience, chaperoned, and peers of the guest of honour. By the time I was old enough to be invited to birthday parties, I received my own invitation- my parents weren't invited unless they had a pre-arrangement to assist with chaperoning. And if my parents were coming to assist, my brother and sister would have come along as well.
A wedding is completely different. No matter how close this woman is with one child, you cannot break a social unit. Minor children are social units and it is very much all or nothing. (Meaning Just parents= fine, Parents and all children= fine, Parents and 1 child= not fine).
Inviting one child over their siblings because you are close with them and have never met her siblings is like inviting one co-worker because you are close but not their spouse because you have never met their spouse. Just because the co-worker is the "primary guest" doesn't mean its ok to break a social unit. **BOXESBOXES**
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I don't think you have to invite the parents in this case, because the girls are older teenagers, and can probably drive themselves (and look after themselves).