Rehearsal After Dinner?

YourDogDontKnowSit · April 2015

Ugh, Knotties talk me down and help me keep sight of what is most polite, please!

So several months ago my venue contact told me that we had a guaranteed rehearsal time of 2-3, but if we wanted a different time then we could possibly work that out 30 days out from our wedding date (we wanted more of a 4-5 time slot). However my FMIL wanted to plan the rehearsal dinner so we went ahead and banked on the 2-3 time slot and planned a 3-4 cocktail hour and 4-6 dinner for the rehearsal dinner. Today I met with my contact and she told me the wedding the day before us is now a daytime wedding from 10-5 and our rehearsal will have to be before 10 or after 5. I tried to breathe deeply and explain to her how she told me months ago we'd have a guaranteed rehearsal time from 2-3, but obviously if there's a wedding during that time frame they have first dibs and I understand that...I really do...but it's still frustrating!

So here are my options, and I refuse to do an early morning rehearsal because A. we have several out of state bridal party members who won't be here until the afternoon (it's a Saturday rehearsal, but still) and B. we're not going to have a whole day's gap between the rehearsal and the dinner:

1. No rehearsal

2. Have the wedding party and VIPs gather at the hotel lobby or somewhere to go over the details around 3:30 then head over to the dinner

3. Have the rehearsal after the dinner at 6/6:30

Which is the least offensive? What would you do as the bride?

huskypuppy14 · April 2015

YourDogDontKnowSit said:
Ugh, Knotties talk me down and help me keep sight of what is most polite, please!

So several months ago my venue contact told me that we had a guaranteed rehearsal time of 2-3, but if we wanted a different time then we could possibly work that out 30 days out from our wedding date (we wanted more of a 4-5 time slot). However my FMIL wanted to plan the rehearsal dinner so we went ahead and banked on the 2-3 time slot and planned a 3-4 cocktail hour and 4-6 dinner for the rehearsal dinner. Today I met with my contact and she told me the wedding the day before us is now a daytime wedding from 10-5 and our rehearsal will have to be before 10 or after 5. I tried to breathe deeply and explain to her how she told me months ago we'd have a guaranteed rehearsal time from 2-3, but obviously if there's a wedding during that time frame they have first dibs and I understand that...I really do...but it's still frustrating!

So here are my options, and I refuse to do an early morning rehearsal because A. we have several out of state bridal party members who won't be here until the afternoon (it's a Saturday rehearsal, but still) and B. we're not going to have a whole day's gap between the rehearsal and the dinner:

1. No rehearsal
2. Have the wedding party and VIPs gather at the hotel lobby or somewhere to go over the details around 3:30 then head over to the dinner
3. Have the rehearsal after the dinner at 6/6:30

Which is the least offensive? What would you do as the bride?

First, can you change the dinner? Cocktail hour for a rehearsal dinner sounds strange to me.

If not, I'd just have the rehearsal in the lobby. My wedding was outside, but it was pouring outside for my rehearsal, so we did it in the reception area.

OliveOilsMom · April 2015

YourDogDontKnowSit said:
Ugh, Knotties talk me down and help me keep sight of what is most polite, please!

So several months ago my venue contact told me that we had a guaranteed rehearsal time of 2-3, but if we wanted a different time then we could possibly work that out 30 days out from our wedding date (we wanted more of a 4-5 time slot). However my FMIL wanted to plan the rehearsal dinner so we went ahead and banked on the 2-3 time slot and planned a 3-4 cocktail hour and 4-6 dinner for the rehearsal dinner. Today I met with my contact and she told me the wedding the day before us is now a daytime wedding from 10-5 and our rehearsal will have to be before 10 or after 5. I tried to breathe deeply and explain to her how she told me months ago we'd have a guaranteed rehearsal time from 2-3, but obviously if there's a wedding during that time frame they have first dibs and I understand that...I really do...but it's still frustrating!

So here are my options, and I refuse to do an early morning rehearsal because A. we have several out of state bridal party members who won't be here until the afternoon (it's a Saturday rehearsal, but still) and B. we're not going to have a whole day's gap between the rehearsal and the dinner:

1. No rehearsal
2. Have the wedding party and VIPs gather at the hotel lobby or somewhere to go over the details around 3:30 then head over to the dinner
3. Have the rehearsal after the dinner at 6/6:30

Which is the least offensive? What would you do as the bride?

I would go with option 1 or 2. Unless you are having a really complicated ceremony, which usually effects the B&G more than the BP, you can skip the rehearsal. Or just have a quick run through where you have the room.

YourDogDontKnowSit · April 2015

huskypuppy14 said:

YourDogDontKnowSit said:
Ugh, Knotties talk me down and help me keep sight of what is most polite, please!

So several months ago my venue contact told me that we had a guaranteed rehearsal time of 2-3, but if we wanted a different time then we could possibly work that out 30 days out from our wedding date (we wanted more of a 4-5 time slot). However my FMIL wanted to plan the rehearsal dinner so we went ahead and banked on the 2-3 time slot and planned a 3-4 cocktail hour and 4-6 dinner for the rehearsal dinner. Today I met with my contact and she told me the wedding the day before us is now a daytime wedding from 10-5 and our rehearsal will have to be before 10 or after 5. I tried to breathe deeply and explain to her how she told me months ago we'd have a guaranteed rehearsal time from 2-3, but obviously if there's a wedding during that time frame they have first dibs and I understand that...I really do...but it's still frustrating!

So here are my options, and I refuse to do an early morning rehearsal because A. we have several out of state bridal party members who won't be here until the afternoon (it's a Saturday rehearsal, but still) and B. we're not going to have a whole day's gap between the rehearsal and the dinner:

1. No rehearsal
2. Have the wedding party and VIPs gather at the hotel lobby or somewhere to go over the details around 3:30 then head over to the dinner
3. Have the rehearsal after the dinner at 6/6:30

Which is the least offensive? What would you do as the bride?
First, can you change the dinner? Cocktail hour for a rehearsal dinner sounds strange to me.

If not, I'd just have the rehearsal in the lobby. My wedding was outside, but it was pouring outside for my rehearsal, so we did it in the reception area.

The dinner isn't really able to be changed. The reason there is a "cocktail hour" is because the restaurant only lets you book for 3 hours or "whole nights" (6 hours) and obviously there is a huge cost difference. All we're really going to be doing is eating there obviously so I can't imagine sitting around at the table being served for 3 hours, so the cocktail hour is letting us mingle and eat appetizers and drink. It's a smallish rehearsal, 35-40 people, so it's all family and bridal party so we'll just be hanging out, mostly. Also if you book 3 hours you can only do it in 3-6 or 6-9 time slots. Since we originally thought the rehearsal would be from 2-3 we didn't want a big gap in the middle of it and it would be the best just to change things to 6-9 and rehearse from 5:30-6, but my FMIL already printed invitations.

Dreamergirl8812 · April 2015

YourDogDontKnowSit said:

huskypuppy14 said:

YourDogDontKnowSit said:
Ugh, Knotties talk me down and help me keep sight of what is most polite, please!

So several months ago my venue contact told me that we had a guaranteed rehearsal time of 2-3, but if we wanted a different time then we could possibly work that out 30 days out from our wedding date (we wanted more of a 4-5 time slot). However my FMIL wanted to plan the rehearsal dinner so we went ahead and banked on the 2-3 time slot and planned a 3-4 cocktail hour and 4-6 dinner for the rehearsal dinner. Today I met with my contact and she told me the wedding the day before us is now a daytime wedding from 10-5 and our rehearsal will have to be before 10 or after 5. I tried to breathe deeply and explain to her how she told me months ago we'd have a guaranteed rehearsal time from 2-3, but obviously if there's a wedding during that time frame they have first dibs and I understand that...I really do...but it's still frustrating!

So here are my options, and I refuse to do an early morning rehearsal because A. we have several out of state bridal party members who won't be here until the afternoon (it's a Saturday rehearsal, but still) and B. we're not going to have a whole day's gap between the rehearsal and the dinner:

1. No rehearsal
2. Have the wedding party and VIPs gather at the hotel lobby or somewhere to go over the details around 3:30 then head over to the dinner
3. Have the rehearsal after the dinner at 6/6:30

Which is the least offensive? What would you do as the bride?
First, can you change the dinner? Cocktail hour for a rehearsal dinner sounds strange to me.

If not, I'd just have the rehearsal in the lobby. My wedding was outside, but it was pouring outside for my rehearsal, so we did it in the reception area.

The dinner isn't really able to be changed. The reason there is a "cocktail hour" is because the restaurant only lets you book for 3 hours or "whole nights" (6 hours) and obviously there is a huge cost difference. All we're really going to be doing is eating there obviously so I can't imagine sitting around at the table being served for 3 hours, so the cocktail hour is letting us mingle and eat appetizers and drink. It's a smallish rehearsal, 35-40 people, so it's all family and bridal party so we'll just be hanging out, mostly. Also if you book 3 hours you can only do it in 3-6 or 6-9 time slots. Since we originally thought the rehearsal would be from 2-3 we didn't want a big gap in the middle of it and it would be the best just to change things to 6-9 and rehearse from 5:30-6, but my FMIL already printed invitations.

We only had a rehearsal because of the set up of our ceremony sight. We had to come from a certain place, and the BMs had to stop and smile on 2 circles (easily could have skipped this though). There was also a boat involved...

Do you have a complicated ceremony or ceremony space that can't be recreated elsewhere? If not, people know how to walk down and aisle and stand at the end.

saric83 · April 2015

1 or 2

kvruns · April 2015

can you just do the rehearsal at the dinner site? rehearsal + 3 hours of mingling sounds way too long to me but I'm sure some people like to get together for that long.

blabla89 · April 2015

For the most part, a rehearsal at the venue isn't really necessary unless there's something unusual about your venue, so options 1 and 2 are fine. I'm assuming you will have other guests at the dinner as well, and that they can arrive whenever during the cocktail hour?

If you really want to have a rehearsal at the venue, I think #3 is also fine. Since the dinner will end around 6:00, it's not like you'll be keeping your WP out late.

Maggie0829 · April 2015

Option 2.

southernbelle0915 · April 2015

We basically did Option 2 for our wedding and had no problems the day of.

It was rainy and windy at our outdoor ceremony site, so we did it in a giant hallway in the hotel. Depending on where you're staying, I wouldn't do the lobby because hotel guests/distractions. Ask if you can duck into an empty banquet room.

MyNameIsNot · April 2015

I would go with option 2. Unless the ceremony space is really elaborate, there's no need to do it at the actual location.

MandyMost · April 2015

Have everyone meet at the restaurant at 3pm. Greet everyone for 15 minutes or so, and then spend the next 15 minutes reviewing any necessary details for the wedding. Honestly, I had a printout (one page) that listed a timeline and who had to be where at what time.And it had a diagram of where people would be. We had no problems the day of.

If you are having a complicated ceremony, then I see no problem with having the rehearsal at 6pm after the dinner is over.

[Deleted User] · April 2015

If I was in the WP I wouldn't be bothered by any of those options. In fact, I might be a bit happier if I got to eat first, that way I wasn't hangry

JellyBean52513 · April 2015

MandyMost said:
Have everyone meet at the restaurant at 3pm. Greet everyone for 15 minutes or so, and then spend the next 15 minutes reviewing any necessary details for the wedding. Honestly, I had a printout (one page) that listed a timeline and who had to be where at what time.And it had a diagram of where people would be. We had no problems the day of.

If you are having a complicated ceremony, then I see no problem with having the rehearsal at 6pm after the dinner is over.

I love this idea. Utilize the entire 3 hour dinner reservation; mingle and greet people as they arrive in the beginning, then about 30-45 mins in, spend 15-30 mins going over details for the ceremony, then enjoy dinner!

I know you said your FMIL already printed out invites, so maybe you could either just print an insert that explains "Due to unforeseen circumstances, the actual rehearsal will not be taking place as planned. We will instead go over details for the ceremony right before dinner is served," or call your WP members and tell them verbally what to do expect for that day.

littlestmonkey · April 2015

Our Church (for reasons I don't understand) could only give us an 8pm rehearsal time, and required a rehearsal. So we did dinner beforehand - 5.30-ish until 8. We had a nice dinner, went and did the rehearsal and then went back to the bar afterwards. I know obviously people wouldn't complain to our faces but based on how many enthusiastic comments we got on the rehearsal dinner, and evening in general, for a few months after the wedding I'm pretty confident in saying that it didn't cause us a problem.

ETA: the restaurant/bar was opposite our church and we had less than 20 people there - this probably wouldn't work with traveling between venues and/or a bigger group

YourDogDontKnowSit · April 2015

Thanks everyone! My fiance really wants to do the rehearsal at the church just "because", but I think I'm going to sway him to just do a run through at the hotel or at the restaurant (since we have a private room there) before the dinner, that way everyone can do their own thing after dinner. We really just need time to decide the walk in order and to allow our DOC to hand out schedules to everyone (we also have some friendors who will be at the rehearsal/dinner), which I think can be accomplished just about anywhere.

SP29 · April 2015

I would be fine with option #3.

I would also consider changing the restaurant time from 6-9 and doing the rehearsal prior.

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