So humiliated :(

charcoalandblush · April 2015

I was getting ready this morning and decided to wear one of my spring skirts that I haven't worn since last year. It's my normal size and was a little snug, but not uncomfortable. DF and I were getting in the car to head to work and I started to sit down, I hear a riiiiippp.... my skirt split right down the middle across my ass. DF didn't hear it rip, but I started crying and said I had to go back upstairs and change, and he asked why so I showed him what happened. It was just so humiliating and embarrassing.

I've been feeling like shit about myself lately because I've been such a failure at losing weight. I'll do ok during the week, but then over the weekend we have a wedding or a party or a trip or it's someone's birthday and I just completely blow it. I don't know for sure, but I must have gained weight recently for my regular size to be so tight that it rips.

Also my first dress fitting is a week from today. I am terrified. If I gained more than a pound or two, there's no way my dress is going to fit. Which will be even more humiliating, because FMIL is insisting on coming with me to the fitting.

I just feel like shit all around. I feel like shit because I'm fat. I feel like a failure for saying I'm going to lose weight and not doing it. I feel like I've wasted so much time and money putting $1500 into a personal trainer the past 4 months and possibly GAINING weight. I'm super nervous that my dress isn't going to fit. Ughhhhhhhh.

Sorry, I just needed to vent

southernbelle0915 · April 2015

Aw, I'm sorry. I'm sure that feels awful especially if you've been self-conscious about it anyway.

I had this happen AT WORK a few years ago. Luckily someone had a sewing kit.

As long as your ordered the right size, the dress fitting shouldn't be a problem. They may even have to take things in. Good luck!

banana468 · April 2015

Do not pay attention to size and weight. What if you're gaining muscle and it's not fat? Being thin does not mean that you're healthy so if you're working out and eating right and doing good things to your body, THAT is what counts.

Remember, even at your fitting, this is a dress. It's your wedding dress and you'll look beautiful in it but there's a fix for everything. Maybe that fix involves some spanx and a good bra and maybe the fix involves a corset back or some seamstress magic. Remember, your FI loves you and is going to marry you whether or not the skirt rips and whether or not the fitting is perfect.

Hugs - I remember pre-wedding stress and it sucked.

wandajune6 · April 2015

Stressing about your weight doesn't help. Trust me, I'm an expert in this.

Gaining weight, particularly when you have a lot going on is hard. I've been there. Hell, I gained around 10 pounds between buying my dress and my first fitting. Guess what? It fit! A great tailor can do amazing things to dresses - and Spanx-like products, corsets, etc. are your friends. Your dress will fit and you'll look amazing.

Your FMIL can fuck herself if she has anything to say about it. She's a lucky woman to have a son lucky enough to marry you.

In the meantime, you can make some changes. Drink a ton of water. Cut down on salt. Drop any of the crap in your diet. Buy yourself a replacement skirt that fits and makes you feel gorgeous.

A few pounds are not worth hating yourself for. You're healthy, loved, and otherwise happy. That matters for a hell of a lot more.

novella1186 · April 2015

I'm sorry, hugs. But don't assume the skirt ripped because you gained weight. I've ripped clothes just because the fabric was worn or the seam was weak. Don't automatically bash yourself! And if you did gain weight, so what? It's a human thing to do. Either way, you're going to look gorgeous in your dress!

Let me repeat: Gorgeous!

I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad.

pinkcow13 · April 2015

Aww, I'm sorry! I know the feeling. I posted a few months ago how I was sitting at my desk at work, and the top button of my pants (which are pants that are a bigger size than I normally am) just popped off. I wasn't even moving or anything.

I'm sure your fitting will be fine, try not to be so hard on yourself. It's not easy losing weight, and I know how brutal the weekends are. You're fabulous, no matter what.

blabla89 · April 2015

I know this is a little cheesy but it's true, so I'm just going to leave it here:

Take a deep breath and don't be so hard on yourself. You are not a failure.

Most dresses have seam allowance to be let out several inches, and there's nothing wrong with doing so. Plenty of us brides have had our dresses let out. Instead of worrying about cramming yourself into a particular size, focus on eating well and exercising for the purpose of feeling good, and forgive yourself when you slip.

MadHops21 · April 2015

If it's an older skirt, it could just be the fabric and seams, especially if you haven't touched it in a year. And with a personal trainer, people gain muscle while losing fat, so you're still becoming healthier, which is great!

Don't let an old skirt get you down. Your dress will look amazing and you'll feel great in it, especially if you're putting in the hard work with a personal trainer!

KatieinBkln · April 2015

I'm so sorry you're feeling crappy! But please take PPs' advice into account, and be kind to yourself.

Also, if you're still feeling insecure by next week, maybe tell everyone who was going to come to the fitting that you're going to fly solo. If having people (especially FMIL) there is going to make you feel nervous, there's no reason you have to have them there.

novella1186 · April 2015

blabla89 said:
I know this is a little cheesy but it's true, so I'm just going to leave it here:

Take a deep breath and don't be so hard on yourself. You are not a failure.

Most dresses have seam allowance to be let out several inches, and there's nothing wrong with doing so. Plenty of us brides have had our dresses let out. Instead of worrying about cramming yourself into a particular size, focus on eating well and exercising for the purpose of feeling good, and forgive yourself when you slip.

I had to have the seams on my dress let out, and I'm a size 2. The dress could hardly zip and I couldn't breath. It was so tight it hurt. Just because a particular dress or whatever doesn't fit DOES NOT MEAN THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH YOU. It does not mean you weigh too much. It does not mean you're the "wrong" size. You could be any size in the world and still not fit into something. It doesn't mean a thing.

charcoalandblush · April 2015

Thank you guys so much for all of the supportive responses. Y'all are the best.

I ordered the dress in the size that the shop recommended, which happened to be the sample size I tried on. When I bought it in January, the sample fit like a glove... I'd need to have the bust taken in maybe one cup size, but otherwise it was perfect. I'm PRAYING that it fits that well next week... or if it doesn't, that the seamstress can do some magic. It has a very low back, so I'm concerned that spanx/a corset/adding a corset back to the dress wouldn't be an option.

All of your reassurances make me feel a little better though. I'm going to try my best not to stress about it, which I know is going to be a lot easier said than done. It was just so humiliating having to explain to DF that my fat ass split my skirt in half.

But I'm trying not to let it ruin my day.

blabla89 · April 2015

charcoalandblush said:
Thank you guys so much for all of the supportive responses. Y'all are the best.

I ordered the dress in the size that the shop recommended, which happened to be the sample size I tried on. When I bought it in January, the sample fit like a glove... I'd need to have the bust taken in maybe one cup size, but otherwise it was perfect. I'm PRAYING that it fits that well next week... or if it doesn't, that the seamstress can do some magic. It has a very low back, so I'm concerned that spanx/a corset/adding a corset back to the dress wouldn't be an option.

All of your reassurances make me feel a little better though. I'm going to try my best not to stress about it, which I know is going to be a lot easier said than done. It was just so humiliating having to explain to DF that my fat ass split my skirt in half. But I'm trying not to let it ruin my day.

The sample that you tried was probably all stretched out from people trying it on. I'm surprised the person at the shop didn't tell you that or advise you to go a size up.

charcoalandblush · April 2015

blabla89 said:

charcoalandblush said:
Thank you guys so much for all of the supportive responses. Y'all are the best.

I ordered the dress in the size that the shop recommended, which happened to be the sample size I tried on. When I bought it in January, the sample fit like a glove... I'd need to have the bust taken in maybe one cup size, but otherwise it was perfect. I'm PRAYING that it fits that well next week... or if it doesn't, that the seamstress can do some magic. It has a very low back, so I'm concerned that spanx/a corset/adding a corset back to the dress wouldn't be an option.

All of your reassurances make me feel a little better though. I'm going to try my best not to stress about it, which I know is going to be a lot easier said than done. It was just so humiliating having to explain to DF that my fat ass split my skirt in half. But I'm trying not to let it ruin my day.
The sample that you tried was probably all stretched out from people trying it on. I'm surprised the person at the shop didn't tell you that or advise you to go a size up.

She took my measurements and the manufacturers chart said the same size. I also asked her about the sample dress stretching because another shop I went to said the same thing about a sample that fit perfectly (that I should size up) but the girl told me that I definitely didn't need to and to go with the manufacturer's recommendation.

blabla89 · April 2015

novella1186 said:

blabla89 said:
I know this is a little cheesy but it's true, so I'm just going to leave it here:

Take a deep breath and don't be so hard on yourself. You are not a failure.

Most dresses have seam allowance to be let out several inches, and there's nothing wrong with doing so. Plenty of us brides have had our dresses let out. Instead of worrying about cramming yourself into a particular size, focus on eating well and exercising for the purpose of feeling good, and forgive yourself when you slip.
I had to have the seams on my dress let out, and I'm a size 2. The dress could hardly zip and I couldn't breath. It was so tight it hurt. Just because a particular dress or whatever doesn't fit DOES NOT MEAN THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH YOU. It does not mean you weigh too much. It does not mean you're the "wrong" size. You could be any size in the world and still not fit into something. It doesn't mean a thing.

I had to have my dress let out at the waist and taken in at the bust. I'll admit I felt a little bit bummed about that, but now my dress fits comfortably and I love it. No one at my wedding is going to know or care what size my dress is. Neither will anyone at your wedding, OP.

sal2015 · April 2015

I've been walking around for a couple of weeks now with a rubber band holding my jeans up (a little too tight to actually button). I'm not too worried about it because I know I'm trying to be healthy, I'm human, and I am loved. Don't stress about it! Whether your dress fits like a glove or not, your seamstress can make it work and you will look amazing!

VulgarGirl · April 2015

I had an internet friend who was recovering from an eating disorder and she had this cool quote her thearpist had told her.

It was something like, do not let your scale define who you are. How stupid would it sound if you let your toaster judge your self worth?

sophhabobopha · April 2015

Girl I ripped a brand new dress two days ago. It's okay. You're beautiful!

emmaaa · April 2015

That really sucks! And I could see how you would feel humiliated.

I have been in that same situation. I had a beautiful black and white hounds tooth dress that I got my junior year of high school. Somehow, it still fit 7 years later. Until this Christmas. We were running late for church and I barely got it to go over my hips and butt. Run out to the car and it kept riding up and then ripped when I buckled up. I immediately burst into tears.

Your FI loves you the way you are. You are beautiful the way you are. I gained at least 15 pounds in between buying my dress and the wedding. Honestly, it fitting a little tighter in places made it look better (even after having to have the seamstress let a lot out in my hips). A seamstress can do amazing things and even those you didn't think we're possible.

I've been struggling with my weight a lot in the past 4 months. I'm the same size I was at our wedding and that's a little bigger than I'd like to be. I can exercise and eat right and not feel like I've lost weight. But I do notice I feel better and that's what matters mostly.

I do want to lose a little weight and fit in my clothes better. But mostly I'm working on my self confidence. I'm trying to remind myself that the numbers on the scale or in my clothes are just that, numbers. Those numbers to do not reflect the value of my worth.

I'm sorry you felt embarrassed but try not to stress about it too much because no matter what, you are beautiful already.

Jen4948 · April 2015

I'm really sorry.

I also am somewhat overweight and some of my clothes have become tight on me. I tell myself, "The fact that I have trouble getting this on and off and wearing it is not a reflection on my worth, and to F anyone who thinks it is."

That said, I can understand you wanting to look your best in your dress. But remind yourself that your FI loves you and wants to marry you regardless of how much you weigh (and if that's not true, he's not worthy of you), and his mother definitely doesn't get to voice any opinion about your weight. If she tries to, tell yourself that it only reflects on her, not on you, because you're a wonderful person.

katiekessler123 · April 2015

The people in your life love you for you, so don't beat yourself up. With that said, I see that you are trying to lose weight for yourself. I would really recommend trying one of the Beachbody workouts (insanity, T25 etc.). They work wonders if you stick to the program and eat a healthy diet. A friend of mine actually lost over 120 pounds doing the insanity workouts and eating a healthy diet. They're nice too because you can do them in your own house either right before or after work.

So humiliated :(

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