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NowIamMrsKlein · March 2015

Asking someone to step down as a bridesmaid is a relationship ending move. I'm assuming that since this woman is going to be related to you, you want some semblance of a relationship.

A bridesmaids 'duties' are to show up day of, sober, wearing the dress. She has mentioned that she wants to get the dress from another store. She may still be planning on doing this. You've told her the deadline, once it has passed go ahead with the ordering of the dresses. She still has the opportunity to order the dress from the other store.

She continues to be your bridesmaid until your wedding day. If she does not get a dress by that day she has essentially removed herself. If she goes ahead and gets the dress from another store then awesome! Still a bridesmaid.

OliveOilsMom · April 2015

Jeyoung03 said:
So I am having a big problem with my future sister in law at this point. I gave all the bridesmaids 2 months advice notice on what dress they need to wear and where to buy it.

The dress order is due tomorrow. My future sister in law just got married and is on her honeymoon and won't be in town until 4/1 at 10am. The salon I'm purchasing my dress and bridesmaids dresses has already bent the rules for her as far as allowing her to just call in her measurements and giving them her credit card info. They usually insist on you coming into the salon an being measured.

Some back story; she recently got married (3/14) and I understand the stress of the wedding and I can only imagine so close to the wedding. But I gave the bridesmaid dress info early Feb. And she even had 5 days between getting married and her honeymoon to order this dress. She has told me "she doesn't have time to address this" within those 5 days before leaving for her honeymoon. She also decided to tell me within those 5 days before leaving that she wasn't planning on ordering it from the salon on this side of town and she was going to purchase it at a later date from a salon near her for convenience of alterations, etc. Which I was fine with until I found out from the salon I originally gave her that the bridesmaids that have already put down deposits would have to pay more (they give a larger discount for the more dresses you order). So I told my future sister in law 2 days before she was going on her honeymoon I needed her to order this dress from the salon that it's not fair for the other maids to pay more just so she can order the dress at a closer salon to her (all she could say was she didn't have time to address this). So here we are one day away from the due date for the dresses, and she isn't answering phone calls or texts even when I sent them yesterday and she responded to other messages. IT'S LITERALLY A PHONE CALL.

So now I'm trying to decided how to tell her maybe she shouldn't stand up, because obviously this isn't important to her. I'm not really sure how to approach this subject anymore cause I'm exhausted talking to her about this and the fact she hasn't done it since 2 months ago when I gave her the deadline and information...

How would you handle this situation and what would you say to her?

The girl just got married! Let her enjoy her honeymoon! She said she wants to buy the dress from another source, so let her. If she doesn't buy the dress, she has removed herself from your wedding.

Also, when is your wedding? Most bridal salons will tell you that the dress needs to be ordered much further out than it needs to, because they want the sale. They will also feed you a bs line about dye lots. Dye lots aren't really a thing anymore since dyes are electronically mixed and variation from one dress to the next is very minimal, if you can even notice.

Dreamergirl8812 · April 2015

Was going to post a bat signal gif, but liked this one better.

kkcc2015 · April 2015

@bhlajeijf3 Hopefully you realized after one (very reasonable!) response that what you want to do is a jerk move, and that's why you deleted, but if you didn't:

You need to chill out. Really. It's not worth ending a friendship over at this point if this girl, who probably has had a lot going on in addition to having to screen your multiple phone calls and texts on her honeymoon, hasn't given you any other motive beyond not meeting your deadline. If she has the dress on your wedding day, great. She stands. If she doesn't, then she's made the decision for you. Back off, give her some space and for both of your sanity, quit stressing over it.

ETA: that Robin GIF is amazing.
ALSO: I just reread and this girl is your FSIL?? Girl. Back off. Not worth starting family drama over.

mikenberger · April 2015

@OliveOilsMom quote FTW!

So you wanna kick out your partner's sister from your wedding party because she's not ordering her dress as the same time as everybody else when you can't really explain why this is such a big deal?....

southernbelle0915 · April 2015

Came for the DD.

OP - this right here is one of those things that you look back on and wonder why you made such a huge deal about it. It is a TOTAL non-issue and there's zero sense is ruining relationships over it. Don't think so short term on this. Think about your long term relationships with people. Is it worth it? Probably not.

Maggie0829 · April 2015

Your FSIL can order her dress from wherever the hell she wants. As long as she gets the right dress then that is all that matters.

It is not her fault or her issue that you chose a salon that offers certain discounts according to how many dresses are ordered from them. If you don't want your other BMs to get penalized for your poor research then you pay the difference.

And not sure when the hell your wedding is, but if I were just married and getting ready to go on my HM, the last thing that I would give two shits about is ordering a BM dress before I leave. Especially when I know that I can just deal with it when I come back and get it at a shop that is closer to me.

OliveOilsMom · April 2015

@mikenberger I have learned overtime the SS will DD over the most mundane things! So I have made the habit of always quoting the OP if no one else has done so yet. Glad I could be of service for this post!

arrrghmatey · April 2015

Way to start your relationship with your new FSIL. You are being horrible. Let her enjoy her honeymoon. Your upcoming wedding is nowhere near as important as her new marriage. Trust that she is an adult and will order the dress FROM WHERE SHE WANTS TO and will be there on your wedding day to stand up with you.

ChemFanatic25 · April 2015

Whew! The self-involvement is strong with this one.

I think this is what OP was looking for:

"OMG! How dare she get married and then not order her bridesmaid dress right afterwards! What a selfish controlling immature Barbie jerk! Ugh, OP you should totally dump her butt because obviously she is not prioritizing your wedding over EVERYTHING else because we ALL know how much your wedding is the wedding of the century! (Move on over Kate Upton!)"

In all seriousness though, come on! She just got married. She's in marital bliss. She is probably getting ready for her honeymoon. It's a dress she will most likely wear once and never again. I'd be more concerned about how I just got married and an awesome honeymoon than a stupid dress. Try to bring it down a notch, OP.

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