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So much poor etiquette in 2 paragraphs

syoun1njsyoun1nj member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I saw this pop up on FB and thought you all might enjoy a good rage as much as I did. Sigh. We only had 2 no-shows, and we just let it go and enjoyed our day. Confronting them never occured to us.

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Re: So much poor etiquette in 2 paragraphs

  • novella1186novella1186 member
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    Wow. That's the worst advice ever. 
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  • madamerwinmadamerwin member
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     At the very least, the no-show owes you an explanation and, as far as I’m concerned, a gift!

    This is terrible. It's none of your* business why someone may not show up after RSVPing yes, and putting them on the spot and demanding an explanation is     so rude. For all you know, they had a death in the family, or suddenly broke up with their SO right before the wedding, or got in a car accident (or myriad other reasons someone may not show). And to suggest that the LW is owed a gift is just... gross.

    (*I'm using "you" in the general sense here, if that was not clear...)
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  • auriannaaurianna member
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    Anyone who no-shows without a good reason is really rude. You made a social commitment and end up costing the couple a lot of money that went to waste. I understand the desire to confront those people. I understand the sentiment of the whole post... but obviously acting on the advice given would be in really bad taste.

    Honestly, even if someone had a good reason, like a death in the family, I feel like it's a common courtesy for the guest, whenever they are able (even if it's weeks later), to contact the couple and say something as simple as "I am so sorry I missed your wedding. I'm sure it was beautiful. Congratulations!"
    But obviously something like that could only be said when the guest has a chance and it can't be forced with a confrontation. If it never happens, it never happens. Best to get over it.
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
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    futuremrshp said:

    Yeah, that's pretty bad.  That's condoning unnecessary confrontation. 

    We had to no-show to a wedding back in February up in NJ.  That was the weekend when the weather people completely underestimated the freaking forecast.  We were stuck in snow, slush, cars driving off the sides and everything like that.  5 hours later, still hours away and no end in sight, we had to call and say we can't come.  Of course the couple wasn't near the phone and we had to leave a message.  But word made it anyway through other channels.   A few days later, the bride got a hold of FI's mother (the wedding was FI's cousin's) and complained to FI's mother that we should have left on Friday to get up there.  Why didn't we take the train instead?  Etc ETc.  FI's mother stood up for us and said that we actually had to work on Friday and work long hours that day and we left as soon as we could on the day of.  It was just bad luck.  The bride was getting madder about it and FI's mom just said "That's what happens when you have your wedding in NJ in February!  Luck of the draw!  End of discussion."  FI's mom is NO ONE you want to go toe-to-toe with, esp when it comes to her kids.  Whether FI's mom's  answer was right or wrong, the confrontation should not have happened, is the moral of that story.

    We still sent a card and a check to say congrats, though, immediately afterwards to make sure we at least did our part.  But dang, yo.

    OMG, I love your FMIL!
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  • badbnagdwaybadbnagdway member
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    If a close friend, especially one who is local, RSVP'd yes and then was a no show, I might reach out to them. I think in that case it would be likely something really bad happened to them. But the reaching out would be to make sure they are ok, not to say, "hey, I hope you have a really good excuse for not attending our wedding. Where's our gift?" 

    That's just gross. 
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  • futuremrshpfuturemrshp member
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    huskypuppy14 said:

    futuremrshp said:

    Yeah, that's pretty bad.  That's condoning unnecessary confrontation. 

    We had to no-show to a wedding back in February up in NJ.  That was the weekend when the weather people completely underestimated the freaking forecast.  We were stuck in snow, slush, cars driving off the sides and everything like that.  5 hours later, still hours away and no end in sight, we had to call and say we can't come.  Of course the couple wasn't near the phone and we had to leave a message.  But word made it anyway through other channels.   A few days later, the bride got a hold of FI's mother (the wedding was FI's cousin's) and complained to FI's mother that we should have left on Friday to get up there.  Why didn't we take the train instead?  Etc ETc.  FI's mother stood up for us and said that we actually had to work on Friday and work long hours that day and we left as soon as we could on the day of.  It was just bad luck.  The bride was getting madder about it and FI's mom just said "That's what happens when you have your wedding in NJ in February!  Luck of the draw!  End of discussion."  FI's mom is NO ONE you want to go toe-to-toe with, esp when it comes to her kids.  Whether FI's mom's  answer was right or wrong, the confrontation should not have happened, is the moral of that story.

    We still sent a card and a check to say congrats, though, immediately afterwards to make sure we at least did our part.  But dang, yo.

    OMG, I love your FMIL!
    LOLOL!!!  I know...  she's awesome and she can get pretty real!!  I'm sure the bride was all in her feelings so did not know when to leave well enough alone.  But FMIL sure straightened that one out!  Like I said, might not have been the nicest answer, but that's what happens!!
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  • novella1186novella1186 member
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    futuremrshp said:

    huskypuppy14 said:

    futuremrshp said:

    Yeah, that's pretty bad.  That's condoning unnecessary confrontation. 

    We had to no-show to a wedding back in February up in NJ.  That was the weekend when the weather people completely underestimated the freaking forecast.  We were stuck in snow, slush, cars driving off the sides and everything like that.  5 hours later, still hours away and no end in sight, we had to call and say we can't come.  Of course the couple wasn't near the phone and we had to leave a message.  But word made it anyway through other channels.   A few days later, the bride got a hold of FI's mother (the wedding was FI's cousin's) and complained to FI's mother that we should have left on Friday to get up there.  Why didn't we take the train instead?  Etc ETc.  FI's mother stood up for us and said that we actually had to work on Friday and work long hours that day and we left as soon as we could on the day of.  It was just bad luck.  The bride was getting madder about it and FI's mom just said "That's what happens when you have your wedding in NJ in February!  Luck of the draw!  End of discussion."  FI's mom is NO ONE you want to go toe-to-toe with, esp when it comes to her kids.  Whether FI's mom's  answer was right or wrong, the confrontation should not have happened, is the moral of that story.

    We still sent a card and a check to say congrats, though, immediately afterwards to make sure we at least did our part.  But dang, yo.

    OMG, I love your FMIL!
    LOLOL!!!  I know...  she's awesome and she can get pretty real!!  I'm sure the bride was all in her feelings so did not know when to leave well enough alone.  But FMIL sure straightened that one out!  Like I said, might not have been the nicest answer, but that's what happens!!
    Maybe it wasn't the nicest answer, but I love that answer! The bride was being super rude, not to mention super passive aggressive to call your FMIL to talk about you guys, rather than calling you guys directly. And even if she had called you directly, that's still super rude. To be pissed at someone for a blizzard preventing them from travelling is ridiculous. Beyond ridiculous. 

    Your FMIL is awesome. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    novella1186 said:

    futuremrshp said:

    huskypuppy14 said:

    futuremrshp said:

    Yeah, that's pretty bad.  That's condoning unnecessary confrontation. 

    We had to no-show to a wedding back in February up in NJ.  That was the weekend when the weather people completely underestimated the freaking forecast.  We were stuck in snow, slush, cars driving off the sides and everything like that.  5 hours later, still hours away and no end in sight, we had to call and say we can't come.  Of course the couple wasn't near the phone and we had to leave a message.  But word made it anyway through other channels.   A few days later, the bride got a hold of FI's mother (the wedding was FI's cousin's) and complained to FI's mother that we should have left on Friday to get up there.  Why didn't we take the train instead?  Etc ETc.  FI's mother stood up for us and said that we actually had to work on Friday and work long hours that day and we left as soon as we could on the day of.  It was just bad luck.  The bride was getting madder about it and FI's mom just said "That's what happens when you have your wedding in NJ in February!  Luck of the draw!  End of discussion."  FI's mom is NO ONE you want to go toe-to-toe with, esp when it comes to her kids.  Whether FI's mom's  answer was right or wrong, the confrontation should not have happened, is the moral of that story.

    We still sent a card and a check to say congrats, though, immediately afterwards to make sure we at least did our part.  But dang, yo.

    OMG, I love your FMIL!
    LOLOL!!!  I know...  she's awesome and she can get pretty real!!  I'm sure the bride was all in her feelings so did not know when to leave well enough alone.  But FMIL sure straightened that one out!  Like I said, might not have been the nicest answer, but that's what happens!!
    Maybe it wasn't the nicest answer, but I love that answer! The bride was being super rude, not to mention super passive aggressive to call your FMIL to talk about you guys, rather than calling you guys directly. And even if she had called you directly, that's still super rude. To be pissed at someone for a blizzard preventing them from travelling is ridiculous. Beyond ridiculous. 

    Your FMIL is awesome. 
    This.   Your FMIL rocks for standing up to her niece like that.   There's a big difference between just not showing and having the weather get in your way.

    And she's absolutely right - that's what you get for planning a winter wedding.   There's a reason that the warmer months are more popular.
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  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha member
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    The fuck is wrong with people.


    And lol @futuremrshp, we have the same MIL!
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
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    novella1186 said:

    huskypuppy14 said:

    futuremrshp said:




    Maybe it wasn't the nicest answer    , but I love that answer! The bride was being super rude, not to mention super passive aggressive to call your FMIL to talk about you guys, rather than calling you guys directly. And even if she had called you directly, that's still super rude. To be pissed at someone for a blizzard preventing them from travelling is ridiculous. Beyond ridiculous. 

    Your FMIL is awesome. 


    People can't be nice all the time. Sometimes you have to tell people how it is.
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    image


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