Ceremony? Reception? Honeymoon?

abbyandjade · March 2015

So, when I got engaged, I didn't get the reaction from my family that I was hoping for. I think that every girl (and guy, perhaps) dreams of that moment -- jumping up and down with your sister, tears from your mom, whatever. Instead, I just got a "that's pretty". And . . it hurt.

Here's the thing: My family is 100% supportive.They love my fiancee. When I moved in with her three years ago they never had a problem. They invite her to family things, they think it's great when we talk about our future children, they get her birthday/Christmas gifts . . I mean, they treat her like their own.

So, you can imagine my confusion when they had no reaction really. I mean, maybe they just saw the engagement coming and weren't surprised.

Her family, on the other hand, had maybe even less of a reaction. This will be her second marriage. Her first wasn't legal (and this one will be). We are both in our 20's, but her "marriage" ended 6/7 years ago. They literally just took her ex's picture of their mantel a year ago. (Mine has yet to be put up and it's been 4 years).
Her family wants us just to go what we need to in a courthouse in another state (since legalization hasn't happened in our home state yet) . . and then come home and basically have a giant picnic at her grandpa's house.

This isn't what I want. . and obviously I will do what I want to do in the end . . but this hurts. It feels like they don't want to be a part of the big day. Like, it's just a little thing.

But, honestly . . now I'm torn. We work retail and don't make too much money so I don't know whether I should just do the reception instead.

Or maybe just skip it and spend more time/money on our honeymoon.

april&amanda · March 2015

First of all I want to say I am so sorry to hear about the reaction. I have no family left because they all passed away, so I couldn't imagine telling my mom and hearing a thats cute statement you know. However I think you guys should do what makes you happy. Also have you tried talking to your family to see if they are excited? Maybe they did see it coming and were not surprised. Have you though about a destination wedding maybe on the beach or something cute and invite them and if they can't go then they can't go. You could always do a small reception when you get back for friends and family as well, just a thought!

QueerFemme · March 2015

abbyandjade said:
So, when I got engaged, I didn't get the reaction from my family that I was hoping for. I think that every girl (and guy, perhaps) dreams of that moment -- jumping up and down with your sister, tears from your mom, whatever. Instead, I just got a "that's pretty". And . . it hurt.

Here's the thing: My family is 100% supportive.They love my fiancee. When I moved in with her three years ago they never had a problem. They invite her to family things, they think it's great when we talk about our future children, they get her birthday/Christmas gifts . . I mean, they treat her like their own.

So, you can imagine my confusion when they had no reaction really. I mean, maybe they just saw the engagement coming and weren't surprised.

Her family, on the other hand, had maybe even less of a reaction. This will be her second marriage. Her first wasn't legal (and this one will be). We are both in our 20's, but her "marriage" ended 6/7 years ago. They literally just took her ex's picture of their mantel a year ago. (Mine has yet to be put up and it's been 4 years).
Her family wants us just to go what we need to in a courthouse in another state (since legalization hasn't happened in our home state yet) . . and then come home and basically have a giant picnic at her grandpa's house.

This isn't what I want. . and obviously I will do what I want to do in the end . . but this hurts. It feels like they don't want to be a part of the big day. Like, it's just a little thing.

But, honestly . . now I'm torn. We work retail and don't make too much money so I don't know whether I should just do the reception instead.
Or maybe just skip it and spend more time/money on our honeymoon.

My first bit of advice is try not to worry about it. No one will be as excited about your wedding as you are. Once you start planning, they may get more excited, but it's possible that they just aren't that interested. You have to be ok with that. Plan the wedding you want, and get support from your friends and family that ARE interested. If your parents/siblings get on board and start getting excited, then great. But, if not, just keep going with what you really want.

You have to decide what's important to you. If you want to have a ceremony and reception with all of your friends and family, then you should do that. If you would rather just get married at the courthouse and then go on an amazing honeymoon, that's ok too. It's really up to you and whatever you can afford.

cjpr615 · April 2015

My partner and I got engaged four weeks before my Mom died, somewhat unexpectedly, in December. We had planned to have a tiny wedding in my parents' back yard this June. We have very small family, and they, understandably, were not really up to a wedding. Although we were disappointed about the lack of excitement, we chose to look at it as something we are doing for us, not for anyone else. Long story short, we are eloping on our originally planned date in June. I've spread the word that all area welcome to attend if they wish; no hard feelings if they don't or can't.

Don't let other's lack of enthusiasm spoil your day. It's all about you and your wife to be.

Ceremony? Reception? Honeymoon?

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