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A friend's H acted inappropriate with me.

climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
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We were all out Saturday night with a large group of friends. We've known Tom and Eve for a few years, and they're good friends with a lot of our friends. Tom also owns a business and works in the same plaza as me, one building down. We've hung out with Tom and Eve many times, and have always had a great time. 

So, Saturday. We were all drinking and having fun. I was at the bar getting another drink, and Tom came up to me. He was all, "Hey, Climbing! What are you doing over here?" Next thing I knew, he kissed me on the lips. I pulled back and said, "Tom, what are you doing?" Tom - "I'm just saying hi." and he went into to kiss me again. He'd had his arm around my shoulder and tried to pull me in to him. I wriggled away and walked over to my H, and I spent the rest of the night avoiding Tom. I'm almost positive that Eve saw this. She was standing maybe 15 feet away at the time.

It was really odd. Tom has never so much as hugged me in a way that made me feel uncomfortable. For him to kiss me like that was so out of character. And this wasn't a peck. He was trying to full on kiss me on my lips. 

My H and I talked about it yesterday morning. He was just as surprised as I was. It's not something I'd like to discuss with Tom or Eve and I'd like to just forget about it and move on. I really do like them, but it just pisses me off that Tom crossed that line. What if someone saw that exchange and got the wrong idea about ME? Ugh. The whole thing sucks. 

Re: A friend's H acted inappropriate with me.

  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
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    That's just...shitty. Was Tom maybe drunk? Not that it even kind of excuses his behavior buy maybe it explains his behavior.

    For me I'd be waiting a while to hang out with him again. I have friends I kiss hello and goodbye but I also have friends I don't kiss hello and goodbye. Of one from group 2 kissed me I'd be freaked out big time.
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  • amelishaamelisha Canadian Texas member
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    I don't know what kind of relationship you guys have, but if it were me I'd address it with him, but lightly. "Uh, so what was up with you the other night, buddy? Too much tequila?" Then, if he doesn't get what you're referring to, you can clarify. "Tom, you got pretty up close and personal with me at the bar - next time maybe keep your lips to yourself?" If he's never been weird before I'd just kind of give him the benefit of the doubt and hope it was just too much booze or something. If he doesn't take it well and the conversation escalates, then that's different, but I think you have to say something just in case there IS something more intense going on in his head and he needs to know you're not okay with that kind of behaviour.

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  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
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    He definitely was drunk, and I'm chalking it up to that. Lines get crossed sometimes. We always kiss hello and goodbye (on the cheek) in my group, but this was just...weird. 

  • NowIAmSypNowIAmSyp East Hanover, NJ member
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    Ugh, I'm sorry.  That's so... icky.  How much was he drinking?  Not that that excuses anything, but it might help explain?  

    And poor Eve, too!  I really hope she didn't see :(

    I agree with MagicInk- I would wait a while before our next get together.  And once there, I would carefully monitor how it goes...  if there's any weirdness, would you want to pull him aside privately and confront him?  Just to clear the air and make sure it NEVER happens again?  




  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
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    Ugh, I'm sorry.  That's so... icky.  How much was he drinking?  Not that that excuses anything, but it might help explain?  


    And poor Eve, too!  I really hope she didn't see :(

    I agree with MagicInk- I would wait a while before our next get together.  And once there, I would carefully monitor how it goes...  if there's any weirdness, would you want to pull him aside privately and confront him?  Just to clear the air and make sure it NEVER happens again?  




    Yes, if this were to happen again, I'd absolutely confront him. I'm hoping this was just a one time thing. Honestly, we were all drinking a lot. 

  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl The Cold North member
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    I'd avoid him for a while too.  And if you're comfortable, bring it up with him without his wife.  If she didn't see (or even if she did), she might not want to be addressing stuff like this which can make life difficult for you too.  

    My BFF's brother tried to kiss me once, while his wife was int he kitchen downstairs.  I said WTF and he tried to backpedal, saying he though I was interested, blah blah blah.  He asked me to not tell her.  He's obviously cheated on her before, if he's trying it in his house.  I'm sure she knew, but didn't want to deal with it.  I haven't talked to him since, and haven't had to see him actually, but we didn't usually hang out together.  

    And you're right, whatever happens, it usually all sucks for you.  
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  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
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    I'd avoid him for a while too.  And if you're comfortable, bring it up with him without his wife.  If she didn't see (or even if she did), she might not want to be addressing stuff like this which can make life difficult for you too.  


    My BFF's brother tried to kiss me once, while his wife was int he kitchen downstairs.  I said WTF and he tried to backpedal, saying he though I was interested, blah blah blah.  He asked me to not tell her.  He's obviously cheated on her before, if he's trying it in his house.  I'm sure she knew, but didn't want to deal with it.  I haven't talked to him since, and haven't had to see him actually, but we didn't usually hang out together.  

    And you're right, whatever happens, it usually all sucks for you.  
    Yikes. What a terrible situation. 

    There was a rumor going around last year that Tom had cheated on Eve. I didn't think much of it at the time. But now, who knows? But how weird to kiss me like that in front of everyone while we were in a restaurant. So strange! 

  • ashley8918ashley8918 Chicago Suburbs member
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    I'm surprised you didn't punch him, given your RAGE issues and all.
    ShesSoCold
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
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    I'm surprised you didn't punch him, given your RAGE issues and all.

    It's amazing I was able to control my rage, right? I mean, on any other day, I would have punched him in the dick and tossed him over the bar. 

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  • ashley8918ashley8918 Chicago Suburbs member
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    But seriously, gross! What is his deal?!

    Like, how drunk was he? Drunk enough not to remember? If he does remeber, he is probably SUPER embarrassed.
  • had something similar happen to me with a married friend, although we were on a work outing and not a couples thing like that.  He had had way too much to drink and it was the anniversary of his father's death and he wasn't in a good place apparently.  Created a lot of awkwardness for sure.  That would be way weirder for it to happen while the spouse was in the same restaurant/bar too?!
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
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    But seriously, gross! What is his deal?!


    Like, how drunk was he? Drunk enough not to remember? If he does remeber, he is probably SUPER embarrassed.
    I think he probably remembers. He was drunk at that point, but I don't think he was shitfaced. 

  • littlepeplittlepep South Carolina member
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    I'd avoid him for a while too.  And if you're comfortable, bring it up with him without his wife.  If she didn't see (or even if she did), she might not want to be addressing stuff like this which can make life difficult for you too.  


    My BFF's brother tried to kiss me once, while his wife was int he kitchen downstairs.  I said WTF and he tried to backpedal, saying he though I was interested, blah blah blah.  He asked me to not tell her.  He's obviously cheated on her before, if he's trying it in his house.  I'm sure she knew, but didn't want to deal with it.  I haven't talked to him since, and haven't had to see him actually, but we didn't usually hang out together.  

    And you're right, whatever happens, it usually all sucks for you.  
    Yikes. What a terrible situation. 

    There was a rumor going around last year that Tom had cheated on Eve. I didn't think much of it at the time. But now, who knows? But how weird to kiss me like that in front of everyone while we were in a restaurant. So strange! 
    I definitely think the fact that it was in public makes it seem like he wasn't really thinking. I mean maybe he's that bold, but it seems like if he was really trying something, he wouldn't do it with his wife standing right there. Like others have said, not that being drunk is an excuse but could be why he wasn't really thinking. 
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  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
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    littlepep said:

    I'd avoid him for a while too.  And if you're comfortable, bring it up with him without his wife.  If she didn't see (or even if she did), she might not want to be addressing stuff like this which can make life difficult for you too.  


    My BFF's brother tried to kiss me once, while his wife was int he kitchen downstairs.  I said WTF and he tried to backpedal, saying he though I was interested, blah blah blah.  He asked me to not tell her.  He's obviously cheated on her before, if he's trying it in his house.  I'm sure she knew, but didn't want to deal with it.  I haven't talked to him since, and haven't had to see him actually, but we didn't usually hang out together.  

    And you're right, whatever happens, it usually all sucks for you.  
    Yikes. What a terrible situation. 

    There was a rumor going around last year that Tom had cheated on Eve. I didn't think much of it at the time. But now, who knows? But how weird to kiss me like that in front of everyone while we were in a restaurant. So strange! 
    I definitely think the fact that it was in public makes it seem like he wasn't really thinking. I mean maybe he's that bold, but it seems like if he was really trying something, he wouldn't do it with his wife standing right there. Like others have said, not that being drunk is an excuse but could be why he wasn't really thinking. 
    Very true. 

    OR! Maybe they're swingers and he was testing the waters. 

  • It's bad enough that he tried to kiss you full-on, but then tried to do it again after you expressed discomfort with his actions. Ugh. I don't care how drunk he is. He's an adult with culpability for his actions.
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  • redoryxredoryx member
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    edited April 2015
    is it possible he was trying to....test the waters with regard to your openness to join him and Eve? 

    Edit: just saw you posted a comment up above that suggested the same thing lol
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  • amelishaamelisha Canadian Texas member
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    That is...not out of the realm of possibility.

    Not to get into too much detail, but in my single days I was once involved in a very similar situation that began a lot like that.

    Not important in any event if you're not into it. But I stand by my advice that it'd probably be a good idea to mention it as casually as possible, just in case he has it in his head that it was okay in the first place. It doesn't have to be a friendship ruiner or anything but sometimes you have to let your friends know when they're crossing a line.

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  • littlepep said:

    I'd avoid him for a while too.  And if you're comfortable, bring it up with him without his wife.  If she didn't see (or even if she did), she might not want to be addressing stuff like this which can make life difficult for you too.  


    My BFF's brother tried to kiss me once, while his wife was int he kitchen downstairs.  I said WTF and he tried to backpedal, saying he though I was interested, blah blah blah.  He asked me to not tell her.  He's obviously cheated on her before, if he's trying it in his house.  I'm sure she knew, but didn't want to deal with it.  I haven't talked to him since, and haven't had to see him actually, but we didn't usually hang out together.  

    And you're right, whatever happens, it usually all sucks for you.  
    Yikes. What a terrible situation. 

    There was a rumor going around last year that Tom had cheated on Eve. I didn't think much of it at the time. But now, who knows? But how weird to kiss me like that in front of everyone while we were in a restaurant. So strange! 
    I definitely think the fact that it was in public makes it seem like he wasn't really thinking. I mean maybe he's that bold, but it seems like if he was really trying something, he wouldn't do it with his wife standing right there. Like others have said, not that being drunk is an excuse but could be why he wasn't really thinking. 
    Very true. 

    OR! Maybe they're swingers and he was testing the waters. 
    This was the first thing that came to my mind. Especially if Eve was right there and didn't seem phased. 

    I'd just ignore it for now. If it happens again, I'd probably just clearly tell him to stop because it makes you uncomfortable. 
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  • hellosweetie1015hellosweetie1015 Where the skies are so blue member
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    I sincerely hope there are better ways to "test the waters". FI and I are discussing potential threesomes, and I don't want either of us auditioning people with drunken kisses.

    CW, I'd stay away for a while. ESPECIALLY if he doesn't own up to it. "I am SO SORRY I was SO DRUNK fucking tequila got to me that was SO SO OUT OF LINE."
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  • buttercup1958buttercup1958 Blue Smokey Mountains
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    I would stop being friends with Tom. I wouldn't feel comfortabel around him after that.
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  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
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    Well, I certainly wouldn't swing with people we're friends with and see often. I'd much rather swing with strangers :-P 

    redoryx
  • littlepep said:

    I'd avoid him for a while too.  And if you're comfortable, bring it up with him without his wife.  If she didn't see (or even if she did), she might not want to be addressing stuff like this which can make life difficult for you too.  


    My BFF's brother tried to kiss me once, while his wife was int he kitchen downstairs.  I said WTF and he tried to backpedal, saying he though I was interested, blah blah blah.  He asked me to not tell her.  He's obviously cheated on her before, if he's trying it in his house.  I'm sure she knew, but didn't want to deal with it.  I haven't talked to him since, and haven't had to see him actually, but we didn't usually hang out together.  

    And you're right, whatever happens, it usually all sucks for you.  
    Yikes. What a terrible situation. 

    There was a rumor going around last year that Tom had cheated on Eve. I didn't think much of it at the time. But now, who knows? But how weird to kiss me like that in front of everyone while we were in a restaurant. So strange! 
    I definitely think the fact that it was in public makes it seem like he wasn't really thinking. I mean maybe he's that bold, but it seems like if he was really trying something, he wouldn't do it with his wife standing right there. Like others have said, not that being drunk is an excuse but could be why he wasn't really thinking. 
    Very true. 

    OR! Maybe they're swingers and he was testing the waters. 
    Not going to lie this was my first thought immediately....especially if you think the wife was looking/saw and because even after you reacted he came back in for a second kiss.  I know you ignored him the rest of the night, but did you get the feeling he was trying to ignore you too or wasn't even phased by it?
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
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    LakeR2014 said:

    littlepep said:

    I'd avoid him for a while too.  And if you're comfortable, bring it up with him without his wife.  If she didn't see (or even if she did), she might not want to be addressing stuff like this which can make life difficult for you too.  


    My BFF's brother tried to kiss me once, while his wife was int he kitchen downstairs.  I said WTF and he tried to backpedal, saying he though I was interested, blah blah blah.  He asked me to not tell her.  He's obviously cheated on her before, if he's trying it in his house.  I'm sure she knew, but didn't want to deal with it.  I haven't talked to him since, and haven't had to see him actually, but we didn't usually hang out together.  

    And you're right, whatever happens, it usually all sucks for you.  
    Yikes. What a terrible situation. 

    There was a rumor going around last year that Tom had cheated on Eve. I didn't think much of it at the time. But now, who knows? But how weird to kiss me like that in front of everyone while we were in a restaurant. So strange! 
    I definitely think the fact that it was in public makes it seem like he wasn't really thinking. I mean maybe he's that bold, but it seems like if he was really trying something, he wouldn't do it with his wife standing right there. Like others have said, not that being drunk is an excuse but could be why he wasn't really thinking. 
    Very true. 

    OR! Maybe they're swingers and he was testing the waters. 
    Not going to lie this was my first thought immediately....especially if you think the wife was looking/saw and because even after you reacted he came back in for a second kiss.  I know you ignored him the rest of the night, but did you get the feeling he was trying to ignore you too or wasn't even phased by it?


    You know, I'm not even sure. He didn't seem phased right after it happened. 

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