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Wedding 911

Inviting parent's friends - abnormal circumstances

I have a big dilemma I need to solve maybe within hours.  So my parents are paying for our entire wedding reception - food, hall rental, and decor costs.  I know this does give them the right to add guests to our list with mine and my FI's approval.  That's the problem. They want to invite their good friends to the wedding.  We have met these people and do like them but the issue is we used to be good friends with their daughter as well. Well, with her we had a falling out a few months ago before wedding talk began.  We feel it would be awkward excluding her but still inviting her parents.  I know it sounds drama-y but I am unable to tell my parents what caused the fall-out because they would tell their friends which may damage their relationship with their daughter.
My FI also is highly against inviting them because our guest list is pretty much entirely family with only a few of our close friends.

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Re: Inviting parent's friends - abnormal circumstances

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I don't think you're required to invite their daughter.
    MesmrEwe
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited March 2015
    The daughter is a separate social unit from the parents. You can invite the parents and not the daughter. If your parents want to invite them, sounds like they are going to be at your wedding reception.

    Now, what would you do if one of the parents couldn't come and instead, brought along the daughter? Or if they brought the daughter with them? How would you feel about that?

    ETA: Both of my scenarios are "What if?" and rude of the guests to do, FYI. Just asking.

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    arrrghmatey
  • The daughter is a separate social unit from the parents. You can invite the parents and not the daughter. If your parents want to invite them, sounds like they are going to be at your wedding reception.


    Now, what would you do if one of the parents couldn't come and instead, brought along the daughter? Or if they brought the daughter with them? How would you feel about that?

    ETA: Both of my scenarios are "What if?" and rude of the guests to do, FYI. Just asking.
    This. And I'd also not discount the possibility that this friend may not even want to come to your wedding if you had such a big falling out. I doubt she cares about your wedding anymore, unless she just wants to be a biatch and show up anyway just to spite you. 

    You don't have to invite the daughter because she is a separate social unit, but if you decide not to tell your parents why you do not wish to have her invited, be prepared for her to be invited or to take the spot of one of her parents. If your folks are paying, they get the ultimate say in the guest list.
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    MairePoppy
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Ditto pps.  You don't have to invite the daughter. 


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  • I agree with PP - the daughter doesn't need to be invited...
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    The parents and daughter aren't a social unit. It's fine to invite the parents and not the daughter. You should explain to your parents that you and friends' daughter are no longer friends and you would prefer she not be invited. As an adult, you don't have to give your parents the details.

    The only way to get complete control over your guest list is to pay for your own wedding. Your fi is wrong to tell your parents that they can't invite their good friends.


                       
  • Thanks everyone. The matter has pretty much been resolved.  My parents agreed with the awkwardness that may be present and are okay not inviting them due to our feelings on it.  But we have also accepted that if they change their minds we won't stop them.

    I'm just confused why everyone thought inviting the daughter was ever an option.  My parents were aware we are not friends anymore and I was speaking strictly about the parents.

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