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Intimate Wedding Dilemma....

agalvan101agalvan101 member
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edited April 2015 in Budget Weddings Forum
My fiance and I want a small intimate wedding and not a big ginormous wedding. So far our guest list is limited to parents, grandparents, great grandparents, siblings, and 1-2 friends. The total count so far approx. 25 ppl. However, I feel alittle guilty because there are aunts and uncles and friends that are important but then the hassel of the guest list will grow which is what we dont want. Any suggestions on how I could incorporate the bigger side of the family without them intruding on our small intimate wedding so they wouldn't feel left out.
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Re: Intimate Wedding Dilemma....

  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
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    DW with the guests you listed then party when you get back...  Or intimate ceremony and big party for everyone later in the day... 

    Otherwise choose to not let yourself get stressed out/feel guilty about the guest list line as long as your ceremony/reception site can accommodate.  Small and intimate means a lot of things to different people.  The size of my and DH's family "Small and intimate" is closer to 400...  You have to decide what you want and go from there.  Explore why you're feeling guilty.  Possibly your idea of an intimate wedding is larger than you originally thought...  Discuss it together and make a decision..

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  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 member
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    MesmrEwe said:

    DW with the guests you listed then party when you get back...  Or intimate ceremony and big party for everyone later in the day... 

    Otherwise choose to not let yourself get stressed out/feel guilty about the guest list line as long as your ceremony/reception site can accommodate.  Small and intimate means a lot of things to different people.  The size of my and DH's family "Small and intimate" is closer to 400...  You have to decide what you want and go from there.  Explore why you're feeling guilty.  Possibly your idea of an intimate wedding is larger than you originally thought...  Discuss it together and make a decision..




    Don't do the bolded.

    If you want an intimate DW, but still want to be able to celebrate, you can do your intimate DW and then have a celebration of marriage party in your hometown when you return. Just note that the celebration party should include no wedding traditions.  (throwing the bouquet, first dances, bride/groom stuff)

    You also need to properly host the guests that are at your DW with AT LEAST a meal immediately following the ceremony.

    My FI and I are getting married in Aruba this month with just our immediate family, having dinner at a fancy restaurant at the hotel immediately following the ceremony (and having cake :) ) then when we return home, we will have a celebration party about a month later.

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  • JennyColadaJennyColada member
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    DH and I had a very intimate wedding (only 4 guests!). My MIL suggested that we have a BBQ later on to celebrate with all of our friends. This would be nice, but honestly, DH and I neither want to plan nor pay for this (I mean, if we wanted to we could have just had a larger wedding in the first place!).

    We are basically just slowly spending time with friends and family and "celebrating" with them individually.

    We did send out wedding announcements to family that wasn't invited, and sent a few of them pictures or albums from the wedding, and it seems like our family appreciated those.

    I guess it partly depends on why you want an intimate wedding: if it's the cost, then hosting something later on probably is a bit silly. If it's the attention, again, hosting something larger later on seems a bit silly. So, I guess I just don't really see the issue.

    It seems to me like your answer is: Invite who you want, and if anyone has an issue with not being invited or you not inviting so-and-so, then that's their problem and not yours.

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  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 member
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    Maggie0829 said:

    Don't let guilt push you into doing something you don't want to do.  I feel like you only want to include the extended family because you feel like they will be pissed if they aren't included.  Guess what?  No one has the right to be invited to your wedding even if they are family.


    Personally, I would keep your guest list as is because that is what you and your FI want.
    All of this.
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  • blabla89blabla89 member
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    Maggie0829 said:

    Don't let guilt push you into doing something you don't want to do.  I feel like you only want to include the extended family because you feel like they will be pissed if they aren't included.  Guess what?  No one has the right to be invited to your wedding even if they are family.


    Personally, I would keep your guest list as is because that is what you and your FI want.
    This. There's nothing wrong with wanting an intimate wedding, and no reason for you to compromise that.

    If you're worried about your extended family's feelings, you can let it be known that you are planning a wedding with immediate family only. Mention it to the family gossip and let them spread the word for you.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    Maggie0829 said:

    Don't let guilt push you into doing something you don't want to do.  I feel like you only want to include the extended family because you feel like they will be pissed if they aren't included.  Guess what?  No one has the right to be invited to your wedding even if they are family.


    Personally, I would keep your guest list as is because that is what you and your FI want.

    I agree with this. Don't do what you don't want to do out of guilt. If you are ok with having a big party later, just invite them all to the whole thing.
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  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 member
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    TrixieJess said:

    We are having a small wedding. No extended family. You just have to bite the bullet. If you want to have a later party for extended family, you can, but you CANNOT expect gifts or it to be WEDDING related. It can celebrate your MARRIAGE. 


    Have the wedding you can afford. Enjoy the people who can come.
    THIS.  100%
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  • princessleia22princessleia22 member
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    TrixieJess said:

    We are having a small wedding. No extended family. You just have to bite the bullet. If you want to have a later party for extended family, you can, but you CANNOT expect gifts or it to be WEDDING related. It can celebrate your MARRIAGE. 


    Have the wedding you can afford. Enjoy the people who can come.
    I agree with this.  We had 25 people at our wedding and it was awesome.  We knew we wanted something small and intimate and I love that we actually got to hang out with our guests instead of spending the whole reception making the rounds.  We didn't have anyone give us trouble over not being invited. If they do, just tell them that you decided to have a small private wedding with immediate family only.

    image 

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  • CJandRyanCJandRyan member
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    We are having a small wedding as well. We invited 26 but with the timing and travel we will have around 15 in attendance, all immediate family. We have some friends who have expressed their disappointment in not being invited but we just tell them we want to keep it small and intimate and they've been ok with that. 
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  • BrinkyDink16BrinkyDink16 member
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    Not sure whether this is within your budget but could you do a private ceremony with just your 25 and then a larger reception?  My parents have been invited to weddings like that and are actually more likely to attend those because they don't like sitting through the ceremony portion but love the party afterwards!  I think the last one like that the invitation was just phrased like "Come celebrate the marriage of [couple] at [location/date information]"  It didn't mention anything about the ceremony or if it did it was something like "a private ceremony will be performed before the party"  So, that's an option to consider if it's within your budget.
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  • TrixieJessTrixieJess member
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    BrinkyDink16 said:

    Not sure whether this is within your budget but could you do a private ceremony with just your 25 and then a larger reception?  My parents have been invited to weddings like that and are actually more likely to attend those because they don't like sitting through the ceremony portion but love the party afterwards!  I think the last one like that the invitation was just phrased like "Come celebrate the marriage of [couple] at [location/date information]"  It didn't mention anything about the ceremony or if it did it was something like "a private ceremony will be performed before the party"  So, that's an option to consider if it's within your budget.

    This is a tiered wedding and is not normally looked fondly upon by Knotties. Please consider the other ideas by PPs. A reception is a THANK YOU to the people who attend your wedding ceremony. To invite more people than attend the ceremony tends to look gift grabby.
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  • BrinkyDink16BrinkyDink16 member
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    TrixieJess said:

    Not sure whether this is within your budget but could you do a private ceremony with just your 25 and then a larger reception?  My parents have been invited to weddings like that and are actually more likely to attend those because they don't like sitting through the ceremony portion but love the party afterwards!  I think the last one like that the invitation was just phrased like "Come celebrate the marriage of [couple] at [location/date information]"  It didn't mention anything about the ceremony or if it did it was something like "a private ceremony will be performed before the party"  So, that's an option to consider if it's within your budget.
    This is a tiered wedding and is not normally looked fondly upon by Knotties. Please consider the other ideas by PPs. A reception is a THANK YOU to the people who attend your wedding ceremony. To invite more people than attend the ceremony tends to look gift grabby.

    What if they don't ask for any gifts, or actively discourage gift giving?  Then it's like a gift to the guests of a meal, drinks, and a party to celebrate their marriage.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    BrinkyDink16 said:

    TrixieJess said:

    Not sure whether this is within your budget but could you do a private ceremony with just your 25 and then a larger reception?  My parents have been invited to weddings like that and are actually more likely to attend those because they don't like sitting through the ceremony portion but love the party afterwards!  I think the last one like that the invitation was just phrased like "Come celebrate the marriage of [couple] at [location/date information]"  It didn't mention anything about the ceremony or if it did it was something like "a private ceremony will be performed before the party"  So, that's an option to consider if it's within your budget.
    This is a tiered wedding and is not normally looked fondly upon by Knotties. Please consider the other ideas by PPs. A reception is a THANK YOU to the people who attend your wedding ceremony. To invite more people than attend the ceremony tends to look gift grabby.
    What if they don't ask for any gifts, or actively discourage gift giving?  Then it's like a gift to the guests of a meal, drinks, and a party to celebrate their marriage.

    Saying "no gifts" is presumptuous. Because it's basically saying "we assumed you'd bring us presents but you really don't have to."

    That scenio would just seem gift grabby no matter what. And even despite the gifts, it'd be like saying "you're not important enough to witness the ceremony, so we just invited people who were..."
    *********************************************************************************

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  • Knottie80295771Knottie80295771 member
    First Comment
    BrinkyDink16 said:

    Not sure whether this is within your budget but could you do a private ceremony with just your 25 and then a larger reception?  My parents have been invited to weddings like that and are actually more likely to attend those because they don't like sitting through the ceremony portion but love the party afterwards!  I think the last one like that the invitation was just phrased like "Come celebrate the marriage of [couple] at [location/date information]"  It didn't mention anything about the ceremony or if it did it was something like "a private ceremony will be performed before the party"  So, that's an option to consider if it's within your budget.

    Wow, such hostility in response to this!!

    This is exactly what we are planning actually. We are driving 500 mi home, getting our license the next day, then having a short ceremony with our parents, siblings, & his gpa, followed by a reception with our families and closest friends. No one has given us any grief. Instead, they've been supportive and grateful that we thought of them and want to celebrate together!

    Anyway, your wedding day is a day that should be special for you and your future husband. Make it meaningful to you guys, because hopefully you will be celebrating it together for the rest of your lives. Don't be bullied or guilted into something you can't afford or don't want by anyone - family, friends, or people posting on here.
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
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    Knottie80295771 said:

    BrinkyDink16 said:

    Not sure whether this is within your budget but could you do a private ceremony with just your 25 and then a larger reception?  My parents have been invited to weddings like that and are actually more likely to attend those because they don't like sitting through the ceremony portion but love the party afterwards!  I think the last one like that the invitation was just phrased like "Come celebrate the marriage of [couple] at [location/date information]"  It didn't mention anything about the ceremony or if it did it was something like "a private ceremony will be performed before the party"  So, that's an option to consider if it's within your budget.

    Wow, such hostility in response to this!!

    This is exactly what we are planning actually. We are driving 500 mi home, getting our license the next day, then having a short ceremony with our parents, siblings, & his gpa, followed by a reception with our families and closest friends. No one has given us any grief. Instead, they've been supportive and grateful that we thought of them and want to celebrate together!

    Anyway, your wedding day is a day that should be special for you and your future husband. Make it meaningful to you guys, because hopefully you will be celebrating it together for the rest of your lives. Don't be bullied or guilted into something you can't afford or don't want by anyone - family, friends, or people posting on here.

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  • TrixieJessTrixieJess member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Knottie80295771 said:

    BrinkyDink16 said:

    Not sure whether this is within your budget but could you do a private ceremony with just your 25 and then a larger reception?  My parents have been invited to weddings like that and are actually more likely to attend those because they don't like sitting through the ceremony portion but love the party afterwards!  I think the last one like that the invitation was just phrased like "Come celebrate the marriage of [couple] at [location/date information]"  It didn't mention anything about the ceremony or if it did it was something like "a private ceremony will be performed before the party"  So, that's an option to consider if it's within your budget.

    Wow, such hostility in response to this!!

    This is exactly what we are planning actually. We are driving 500 mi home, getting our license the next day, then having a short ceremony with our parents, siblings, & his gpa, followed by a reception with our families and closest friends. No one has given us any grief. Instead, they've been supportive and grateful that we thought of them and want to celebrate together!

    Anyway, your wedding day is a day that should be special for you and your future husband. Make it meaningful to you guys, because hopefully you will be celebrating it together for the rest of your lives. Don't be bullied or guilted into something you can't afford or don't want by anyone - family, friends, or people posting on here.
    NO! 
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  • Knottie80295771Knottie80295771 member
    First Comment
    TrixieJess said:

    Knottie80295771 said:

    BrinkyDink16 said:

    Not sure whether this is within your budget but could you do a private ceremony with just your 25 and then a larger reception?  My parents have been invited to weddings like that and are actually more likely to attend those because they don't like sitting through the ceremony portion but love the party afterwards!  I think the last one like that the invitation was just phrased like "Come celebrate the marriage of [couple] at [location/date information]"  It didn't mention anything about the ceremony or if it did it was something like "a private ceremony will be performed before the party"  So, that's an option to consider if it's within your budget.

    Wow, such hostility in response to this!!

    This is exactly what we are planning actually. We are driving 500 mi home, getting our license the next day, then having a short ceremony with our parents, siblings, & his gpa, followed by a reception with our families and closest friends. No one has given us any grief. Instead, they've been supportive and grateful that we thought of them and want to celebrate together!

    Anyway, your wedding day is a day that should be special for you and your future husband. Make it meaningful to you guys, because hopefully you will be celebrating it together for the rest of your lives. Don't be bullied or guilted into something you can't afford or don't want by anyone - family, friends, or people posting on here.
    NO! 
    I didn't ask for your opinion. It's what we are doing and have the full support of our guests.

    I was simply encouraging the bride to do what makes her and her future husband happy!

    Lay off...
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  • JennyColadaJennyColada member
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    I find it very awkward that so many brides seemingly discuss these plans with guests enough to know that they have their "full support".
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  • onefootinthebayouonefootinthebayou member
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    Knottie80295771 said:

    TrixieJess said:

    Knottie80295771 said:

    BrinkyDink16 said:

    Not sure whether this is within your budget but could you do a private ceremony with just your 25 and then a larger reception?  My parents have been invited to weddings like that and are actually more likely to attend those because they don't like sitting through the ceremony portion but love the party afterwards!  I think the last one like that the invitation was just phrased like "Come celebrate the marriage of [couple] at [location/date information]"  It didn't mention anything about the ceremony or if it did it was something like "a private ceremony will be performed before the party"  So, that's an option to consider if it's within your budget.

    Wow, such hostility in response to this!!

    This is exactly what we are planning actually. We are driving 500 mi home, getting our license the next day, then having a short ceremony with our parents, siblings, & his gpa, followed by a reception with our families and closest friends. No one has given us any grief. Instead, they've been supportive and grateful that we thought of them and want to celebrate together!

    Anyway, your wedding day is a day that should be special for you and your future husband. Make it meaningful to you guys, because hopefully you will be celebrating it together for the rest of your lives. Don't be bullied or guilted into something you can't afford or don't want by anyone - family, friends, or people posting on here.
    NO! 
    I didn't ask for your opinion. It's what we are doing and have the full support of our guests.

    I was simply encouraging the bride to do what makes her and her future husband happy!

    Lay off...
    Yeah - no. You are more than welcome to break the rules of etiquette & risk offending your friends & family but to come on to an etiquette board and encourage other brides to do the same is not going to be received well.

    Etiquette is not subject to opinion and does not change for your special reasons or circumstance.
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  • Midwest2TexasMidwest2Texas member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    This is what we are planning on doing as well. We are getting married here, in Texas and hosting a small reception for guests (mainly FH's family). Most of the important people in my live live in Ohio and either are unable to travel because of money or health problems. We are planning to host a separate wedding celebration in Ohio about 3 weeks later. Our entire budget for both events is $5000 because we are paying for it ourselves. I don't think there is a problem with hosing a celebration party at a later date if that's what you want to do. 2 of the most important people to me won't be able to attend (my grandparents) because she has had breast cancer twice and is showing signs of a third relapse. Between that and being close to 80 y/o, she physically cannot travel that far, but she doesn't want to miss the opportunity to celebrate with us.
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    edited July 2015
    Knottie1434983798 said:
    This is what we are planning on doing as well. We are getting married here, in Texas and hosting a small reception for guests (mainly FH's family). Most of the important people in my live live in Ohio and either are unable to travel because of money or health problems. We are planning to host a separate wedding celebration in Ohio about 3 weeks later. Our entire budget for both events is $5000 because we are paying for it ourselves. I don't think there is a problem with hosing a celebration party at a later date if that's what you want to do. 2 of the most important people to me won't be able to attend (my grandparents) because she has had breast cancer twice and is showing signs of a third relapse. Between that and being close to 80 y/o, she physically cannot travel that far, but she doesn't want to miss the opportunity to celebrate with us.
    This is acceptable as long as you do not try to make it a "second wedding reception".  You only get one of those.  You are certainly free to throw a party in Ohio for your friends and relatives there.  No wedding dress.  (You can try it on privately and show it to Grandma) No bouquet tossing or ceremonial cake cutting and feeding ceremony.  This is NOT your wedding reception,  It is a nice party to celebrate your marriage.  You can show off your honeymoon pictures.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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