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Who is BSC here?

bmydesignerbmydesigner member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Alright, I thought I knew a lot about weddings but maybe not.

I'm only having two kids at my wedding (they are my cousins - the only kid cousins I have and they are also the FG and RB). All other kids are not invited.

So, the other night my mom says to me:
"My cousin & her husband are probably going to come in for your wedding. They know their kids are not invited, but are going to bring them to the ceremony and not the reception because the kids are just so excited about seeing a wedding."

So I said something along the lines of that sounding REALLY odd and inappropriate, and rude to other guests who weren't bringing their kids.

She just said that type of thing is completely normal, and that anybody can come to the wedding that wants to even if their not invited.

Who the f*ck is the crazy one here???
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Re: Who is BSC here?

  • tcnobletcnoble member
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    HAHAA not you.
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  • flantasticflantastic member
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    banana468 said:

    Is your wedding in a house of worship open to the public?   Because if it is, anyone can show up.  One "guest" at our Catholic wedding ceremony was a local lady who attends weddings.   It's what she does on Saturday afternoons.   So she came through the receiving line and the Church coordinator told us that she's the local wedding lady.  





    Yeah, we had this, and I actually loved the concept of sharing the wedding with anyone who wanted to be there, while they fully recognized that without an actual invite they weren't staying for dinner. Some of the church members who knew me showed up to the ceremony, and a couple of my aunts brought my younger cousins to the Mass even though we hadn't invited kids past nieces and nephews.

    However, for a ceremony at a private venue, that should be purely by invitation and this is rude.

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  • RebeccaFlowerRebeccaFlower member
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    I've heard people say technically anyone can attend weddings in public spaces like churches and beaches... is this applicable to you? In any case, it sounds like your mom's cousin is just thinking her kids can attend. 
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  • bmydesignerbmydesigner member
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    It is being held at a church, and those were some of the things she was saying.

    I guess it just seems weird to me, and my ultimate concern is one guest seeing them bring their kids and get really pissed off because they thought their kids were not allowed to come.
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  • mikenbergermikenberger member
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    edited April 2015
    bmydesigner said:

    It is being held at a church, and those were some of the things she was saying.


    I guess it just seems weird to me, and my ultimate concern is one guest seeing them bring their kids and get really pissed off because they thought their kids were not allowed to come.
    Ohhhhh yeah. Churches are pretty much free reign. But some brides, like myself, are getting married at a winery (which will be closed at the time we are marrying) so it would be very weird for some random to show up.

    ETA: Winery or other public or private space. Not everybody is getting married in a winery or a church :)

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  • flantasticflantastic member
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    bmydesigner said:

    It is being held at a church, and those were some of the things she was saying.


    I guess it just seems weird to me, and my ultimate concern is one guest seeing them bring their kids and get really pissed off because they thought their kids were not allowed to come.



    Luckily, whether or not you've invited other people's kids is none of their business. They shouldn't be offended to see (or think they see) that someone else's kids were invited but theirs weren't, because neither they nor their kids were entitled to an invitation. No one is.

    Granted, some people might be slightly miffed if their kids are in the same "circle" as your kids - i.e. the other mom's cousins' - it's just how people are. However, a) they should get over it pretty quickly, and if they don't they're definitely the rude ones, b) how close are you to these mom's cousins that you would care? c) I would assume that you were really close to these particular kids but obviously not with my own kids, and know that it makes sense to invite those you're close to.

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  • bmydesignerbmydesigner member
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    This helps, thank you!

    We're not even sure that they're even going to come in for the wedding. They're from Michigan and the wedding is here in PA.

    I'm not really that close to my mom's cousins, that's a very valid point!

    Thanks for your input everyone...if it ends up happening that day I probably won't even notice :)
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Yeah if this is in a house of worship it's not all that crazy.   A lot of MIL's neighbors came to see SIL get married in the church (sil grew up in the house and knew the neighbors too).  They were not invited to the wedding or reception, but did want to see her.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    I will say that I don't like it when people pull the, "I'm bringing my kids to the ceremony and you can't stop me, " card.   A good friend of mine had that happen when her BSC SIL was POd that the event was adults only.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    Yeah, since you are getting married in a church then it is free reign and anyone can attend.

    How old are the kids?  What are they going to do with the kids after the ceremony?  I could see them just bringing the kids to the reception as well with a "oh, well it just would have been too much hassle taking them back to the hotel" excuse.

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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    Your mother and her cousin are BSC.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    No, your mom is out of line telling people they can bring children to your ceremony when they're not invited. She should rescind the invite - sorrynotsorry if that's awkward for her but its her mistake to correct.
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  • XrebeccaXXrebeccaX member
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    The church being essentially a public venue is a valid point, but kids being "excited to see a wedding" is not. In any event it certainly doesn't supersede the fact that they were not invited.
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  • loveislouderloveislouder member
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    We're getting married in a church and our Reverend/Minister lady told us that there are people that come in just to watch weddings and there's nothing we can do about it.
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  • delujm0delujm0 member
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    Unfortunately, if you choose to get married in a public space (church, park, etc) there is nothing you can do to stop uninvited guests from attending your ceremony.  Etiquette-wise, you're in the clear - you didn't invite these kids only to the ceremony or anything, and you're not demanding that your mom's cousins inconvenience themselves by having to bring them home before the reception.  They made that decision on their own.  I would be slightly concerned that the parents might approach your mom at the ceremony to "say hi" with the kids, and then try to sneak their way into a reception invite - but that would be very rude of them. 
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  • princessofgenoviaprincessofgenovia member
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    The kids want to see the ceremony? Really? I mean look, even as an adult, I find wedding ceremonies to be a bit boring. Yes yes, beautiful, moving, touching, but ya know...kind of dull. 

    I always find it hard to believe that children are excitied to see a wedding ceremony. Unless we don't tell them what a wedding ceremony is...
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    Dreamergirl8812 said:

    Every time I see the title of this thread I think you're asking for a show of hands.

    Me too.
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  • blabla89blabla89 member
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    Dreamergirl8812 said:

    Every time I see the title of this thread I think you're asking for a show of hands.

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  • AlexisA01AlexisA01 member
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    ShesSoCold said:

    As long as one of the kids isn't named Jashley, you should be fine.

    That poster was insane. There are some new ones by jashley online smh.

    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    No you can't control who comes to a public church. This made me think of our wedding. When we got our pictures back, there was a picture of a woman looking at one of our wedding programs. She had a "Hello My Name is...." tag on. She was attending a meeting on the campus where we were married and wandered into the chapel at the beginning of our ceremony. I have no idea why the photographer took a picture of her! LOL.
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  • bmydesignerbmydesigner member
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    lovegood90 said:

    princessofgenovia said:

    The kids want to see the ceremony? Really? I mean look, even as an adult, I find wedding ceremonies to be a bit boring. Yes yes, beautiful, moving, touching, but ya know...kind of dull. 


    I always find it hard to believe that children are excitied to see a wedding ceremony. Unless we don't tell them what a wedding ceremony is...
    Yeah, I think they're using "the kids are excited to see the ceremony" as a synonym for "we want to bring the kids to the reception, and by bringing them to the ceremony we're hoping to either manipulate you into saying yes or just sneak them in because we're assholes."
    Haha I didn't even think about that! I know I wouldn't have wanted to see a ceremony as a kid. As far as their ages...I want to say the oldest is 8, and then 6, and 3..somewhere around there. The sad thing is I've only met the oldest one, and that was one time. I'm sure they're great kids but i don't know them.
    My mom didn't just freely invite them (though I don't doubt that she would do this) the cousin just said this on her own dime and said she'd bring them back to the hotel after the ceremony.

    Thanks for your help though guys :) I'm going to choose to ignore the BSC.
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