Bachelor and batcherette party

Knottie38154882 · April 2015

So we're doing something a little different. My fiancé and I are having it together. We're just going to invite a few of our friends and family and go out to eat and have a good time the night before the wedding after the rehearsal. The thing is, we want to invite quite a few people. About 12-15 people. Would it be rude if we asked our guests to pay their own bill? Or should we pay it? Im not sure if we could afford to pay it since we want to invite that many people. Or should we just not invite so many people so we can afford to pick up the tab?

lovegood90 · April 2015

Unfortunately you can't host your own bachelor/ette party- it's a party thrown in your honour by someone else, if they offer.

You can always have a fun night out with your friends unrelated to the wedding, though!

ETA: I just read this is after the rehearsal. If you are having a rehearsal, you need to host (ie pay for) a dinner afterwards for everyone who attended the rehearsal (and their significant others). Why don't you just pass this along by word of mouth, "hey, we'll be a X bar after the rehearsal dinner, feel free to join" kind of thing?

Knottie38154882 · April 2015

Like I said we're not really doing the "usual" bachelor/bachelorette party. There will be no gifts, no strippers, no host. We just want a fun night out with friends and family the last day before we tie the knot. Call it a celebration if you want to. But Im still unsure if it would be rude to ask them to pay their own bill or if we should try to pay it.

arrrghmatey · April 2015

You should not be hosting/planning your own Bachelor/Bachelorette Party. It's supposed to be a party held in your honor, so planning it yourself is considered rude. If someone offers to host one for you, then you're good to go.

Edit: If someone DOES plan the BP for you, give them a list of whom you'd like to invite. There is no limit--it all depends on how intimate you want the event to be. And I've paid my own way at every BP I've been to. It is up to the host to tell the guests the cost/payment situation beforehand so people can decide whether or not they want to attend.

Knottie38154882 · April 2015

Read the above reply

mikenberger · April 2015

I would just use word of mouth and let my friends know that we were going to a few places after the rehearsal dinner and give them a general idea of where you were looking to go and if they wanted to meet up, to text you or your FI.

I wouldn't necessary make it a big deal. Just a casual thing.

ETA: And in this case, no. I wouldn't expect someone to pay for me. It would be no different than going to the bar with my friends. I plan on doing something similar with my friends after our rehearsal dinner.

ETA (because super reading is super hard): After the rehearsal of your wedding, you should have a rehearsal dinner of the people involved in your wedding. After then, you can have the bar stuff. I would not invite the "extras" to your rehearsal dinner. I would follow up with them later.

simcal18 · April 2015

By "after the rehearsal" do you mean after the rehearsal itself or after the rehearsal dinner? You need to host the people who come to your rehearsal for a meal afterward. That's not your bachelor/bachelorette party, that's your rehearsal dinner. It can be as simple as pizza and soda, but you need to do something for the people that come rehearse with you.

arrrghmatey · April 2015

The reply wasn't there when I was typing my reply, so I had not seen it before posting.

Don't call it a Bachelor/Bachelorette Party. This sounds a lot like a Rehearsal Dinner, since it is right after the Rehearsal. If so, then you need to host/pay for those who attended the rehearsal.

After the rehearsal dinner, you can have a word-of-mouth get-together to invite whomever you please. It does not need to be hosted by you.

Knottie38154882 · April 2015

We are not really big on bars/clubs and neither are our friends and family. So I was thinking the wedding party would go to the rehearsal then go eat afterwards and inviting a few extra people who are not in the wedding would come out to eat with us as well. So I guess it's the rehearsal dinner with a few extra people and bachelor/bachelorette party were the wrong words. I hope this makes sense!

arrrghmatey · April 2015

This is okay to do. But you and your FI must pay for it, because it is a Rehearsal Dinner.

redoryx · April 2015

In that case, yes, it would be rude to ask your guests to pay for their own meal.

mikenberger · April 2015

You need to pay for it. All of it. Every single last thing they order.

lovegood90 · April 2015

Yep, that makes sense. Since this is considered the rehearsal dinner technically, then yes as long as you're paying for food/alcohol (and inviting everyone's significant others), you're all good.

Knottie38154882 · April 2015

Thanks guys! Sorry if it was a bit confusing at first!

plainjane0415 · April 2015

It does, but you need to make sure you are hosting the people you invite to your rehearsal dinner, which essentially you are going to be having after your rehearsal.

If you want to hang out with people afterwords that's fine, but I wouldn't call it a bachelor/bachelorette party, I would call it hanging out.

Jen4948 · April 2015

As long as the extra people are on your wedding guest list and you're paying for whatever you eat afterwards, you'll be fine.

Viczaesar · April 2015

Then yes, you need to pay for it.

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