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Pre-wedding Parties

Pushy MOH

So here's a little back info before I get into my issue... I have 2 MOHs because I have 2 wonderfully supportive women that we would each give anything to each and affectionately refer to each other as "Wifey" due to the fact we are always there for each other and spend a great deal of time together.

Now down to the issue MOH #1 "J" is quite girly and seriously obsessed with what people think about her about life in general, MOH #2 "L" is very laid back, let's have fun, jeans, t-shirt, baseball hat girl. I myself and a combination of the two, laid back, but sorta girly, not caring what people think to a point, this is why the 3 of us are best friends, it just works.

The closer the wedding gets, big day is in June, the more pushy and I hate to say it irritating "J" get about "L", the pre-wedding parties, and the wedding in general. I know that J means well and is just excited for me and my fiance, however, she keeps harping on the fact that L isn't wearing a dress and the other BMs are, L never wears dresses I don't want her in a dress, end of story right? No J constantly brings it up to the point that I told her off the other day about it. So now she's moved on to the bridal shower, which my mom offered to host at her house, J was offended because L is fielding the rsvp calls  with my mom, she keeps insisting we have to go out drinking for my bachelorette party, which excludes 2 of my bridesmaids as they are only 20(one is my sister and the other is J's daughter) and there aren't many establishments around us that allow underage people through the doors. I have told J that I don't really want a bachelorette party and would rather just go to dinner, a movie, an art class, something fun and relaxing that we can all do.... I am by no means telling them what I want for a party, just trying to get the point across that I don't want to go all crazy the week of my wedding and exclude people that are important to me. I am trying to finalize all of the wedding details, as there are alot of out of town guests, and don't want to keep having the same conversation with her about how it's not her wedding and L doesn't have to wear a dress bc that not what I or she wants, or how she will still have ways to participate in the bridal shower and she can plan something pior to the wedding that we can all do, then I love to do it, or to stop demanding I take suggestions on how she'd do an outdoor wedding if it was hers. Any suggestions to get her to back off?

Re: Pushy MOH

  • dcaviston said:

    So here's a little back info before I get into my issue... I have 2 MOHs because I have 2 wonderfully supportive women that we would each give anything to each and affectionately refer to each other as "Wifey" due to the fact we are always there for each other and spend a great deal of time together.


    Now down to the issue MOH #1 "J" is quite girly and seriously obsessed with what people think about her about life in general, MOH #2 "L" is very laid back, let's have fun, jeans, t-shirt, baseball hat girl. I myself and a combination of the two, laid back, but sorta girly, not caring what people think to a point, this is why the 3 of us are best friends, it just works.

    The closer the wedding gets, big day is in June, the more pushy and I hate to say it irritating "J" get about "L", the pre-wedding parties, and the wedding in general. I know that J means well and is just excited for me and my fiance, however, she keeps harping on the fact that L isn't wearing a dress and the other BMs are, L never wears dresses I don't want her in a dress, end of story right? No J constantly brings it up to the point that I told her off the other day about it. So now she's moved on to the bridal shower, which my mom offered to host at her house, J was offended because L is fielding the rsvp calls  with my mom, she keeps insisting we have to go out drinking for my bachelorette party, which excludes 2 of my bridesmaids as they are only 20(one is my sister and the other is J's daughter) and there aren't many establishments around us that allow underage people through the doors. I have told J that I don't really want a bachelorette party and would rather just go to dinner, a movie, an art class, something fun and relaxing that we can all do.... I am by no means telling them what I want for a party, just trying to get the point across that I don't want to go all crazy the week of my wedding and exclude people that are important to me. I am trying to finalize all of the wedding details, as there are alot of out of town guests, and don't want to keep having the same conversation with her about how it's not her wedding and L doesn't have to wear a dress bc that not what I or she wants, or how she will still have ways to participate in the bridal shower and she can plan something pior to the wedding that we can all do, then I love to do it, or to stop demanding I take suggestions on how she'd do an outdoor wedding if it was hers. Any suggestions to get her to back off?
    Stop discussing it with her and change the subject.  "J, you have excellent ideas and I'm thrilled that you're so excited about my wedding.  But we've already had this conversation, so I'm done discussing it with you.  Have you caught any of the NHL Playoff games?"
  • Unfortunately that tactic does not work and I do not want o avoid her, we usually have so much fun together. I suppose I could just "act like I didn't hear her"
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If you're not going to tell her to stop complaining about L, then ignoring her complaints is your only other option.
  • I have told her to stop complaining about L and numerous other things. I just hate to ignore someone, it seems childish, but I guess that's my only  option
  • dcaviston said:

    Unfortunately that tactic does not work and I do not want o avoid her, we usually have so much fun together. I suppose I could just "act like I didn't hear her"

    J, "you should really have an outdoor wedding.  If I was getting married, I'd have an outdoor wedding."  You, "Oh, I thought I told you already that we have it taken care of.  Yeah, we're good with that."  J, "But it's so beautiful here that time of year, you should have an outdoor wedding."  You, "yes, it is beautiful that time of year, but we have things under control.  Did you want to order onion rings or jalapeno poppers?  I haven't had jalapeno poppers in ages."  J, "But OUTDOOR WEDDING!"  You, "I've decided to order jalapeno poppers.  Waiter!"
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Yeah, you're gonna have to ignore her/continue to bean dip her. When she brings stuff up, say it's handled or you have made a decision, or whatever phrase fits the topic, and then change the subject. If she pushes, tell her that subject is closed, and change the subject yet again.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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