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PSA for those who don't like to call non-RSVP responders.....

lyndausvilyndausvi mod
Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
We just got a call while at the grocery store from a guy that works for DH.  He asked if we were planning on attending his wedding that is a month from today.     

The thing is we have never received the invite.  Kind-of hard to RSVP to something you never received.

So like I've said in the past some people are are rude and just do not RSVP.  However, sometimes the people don't get the invite to even respond.  Or in the case for my wedding, some of the RSVPs arrived late even though the guests sent them way in advance.

Please don't make the assumption the invitee is an ass and rude for not responding.  It might be a case they never got the invite to respond or the post office didn't deliver them correctly.








What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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Re: PSA for those who don't like to call non-RSVP responders.....

  • madamerwinmadamerwin member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    I was JUST thinking about this the other day! I think this is a great point. Mail does get lost, and it would be unfortunate if any guests didn't come (or think they were not invited), just because the invite got lost in the mail and you didn't follow up.
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Yep.  My own mother's invitation got lost.  We only know this, of course, because I told her when I mailed it and she was expecting it.  Now I'm wondering who else's invitations went wayward.  :-/
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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  • novella1186novella1186 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    This happened to me. I checked with someone last week who never RSVPd and he said he never even received an invite. I was super glad I checked with him because he's a close family friend, and I felt awful that the invite didn't make it to him. If I hadn't checked, he would have assumed he just wasn't invited, and then I wouldn't get the chance to see him at my wedding. 

    It happens. 
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  • littlepeplittlepep member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    This happened for my shower the other week. Literally everyone who lives in my town, including me, did not get their invite. Everyone else did so it was clearly something messed up with the mail. 

    If you think mail is 100% reliable, I have a bridge to sell you.
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  • Bubblegum5586Bubblegum5586 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I had a few people that it never got to, including my aunt that found it later in her bushes... looks like the mailman didn't close the mailbox all the way back up?
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  • NowIamMrsKleinNowIamMrsKlein member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Agreed. FI and I are invited to my cousins wedding. The RSVP date has come and gone and we still haven't received our invitation.

    The rest of my family all received there's around the same time so I knew that invites had all gone out and that for whatever reason we didn't receive one.

    Because it was a family wedding that I knew I was invited too (not a random friend where I may have been left off the guest list), I phoned my cousin up and told him that I would like to RSVP but hadn't received the info. He emailed me the details.

    Obviously for weddings that there is a chance you aren't invited to, you can't really call up the bride and groom and go 'so heyyyy, a bunch of other people got invites, wheres mine!'
    so it is really important for the bride and groom to follow up with people who did not RSVP because there may be a legitimate reason why they didn't
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  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Yup. FMIL's invitation to my bridal shower got lost, and my MOH had to resend it. And my coworkers invitation arrived 2 WEEKS later. I was about to resend his. That was my fault though, I messed up the name of his town (Irving vs Irvington). Sometimes it could be a simple mistake that sends an invitation wayward. We definitely plan on calling people who we don't receive RSVP's from. 
                                 Anniversary
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  • onefootinthebayouonefootinthebayou member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    Good advice.  We had 2 guests who had moved and 2 properly addressed envelopes that were misdelivered by the postal service (that we know of).  One of our groomsmen also didn't get an invite but we are unsure if it's b/c of a postal error, his disorganization, or a roommate accidentally throwing it away.  

    Once you drop those things in the mail, they go on an adventure, apparently.  I advocate calling as well.  When it doubt, give them a shout!
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  • lavenderfields13lavenderfields13 member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    My mom told me she invited a coworker to her wedding who never received the invite. My mom asked her if she was coming to the wedding and CW said she assumed she wasn't invited. Months after the wedding my mom gout the invitation returned to her (so it never got to it's destination) and it was completely mangled.

    I will definitely be calling people! I'm afraid of the invites getting lost. I've just starting receiving RSVPs back (so exciting!) so I know most people received theirs. Although I do have one uncle who probably won't RSVP and then claim he didn't get the invite- I guess he does this with everything. 
     




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  • futuremrshpfuturemrshp member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Yup--- we had 2 invites returned to us like 2 weeks after we sent the invites out, 2 other people never got theirs and a neighbor got a friend of mine.  I did a check in with certain people/center of hubs like 2 weeks after we sent out the invites (which is how we knew one of them got lost in the mail) and the week the RSVPs were due, we did a little bit of cat-herding.  I'm so happy we did because the mail system was supremely slow -- going both ways.  People sent in their RSVPs a week before the deadline and we got it like 5 days after the deadline (the postmark date shows that they did in fact send things when they said they did).

    Don't assume the worst.  Chances are the people who can't go will just call you anyway. 
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  • Liatris2010Liatris2010 mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    Several of our invitations were lost. We figured it out when we called the non-RSVPers.
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  • marie2785marie2785 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I sent 80 save the dates, and 3 people contacted me saying they never arrived after a month, including my MOH! So yea, I do NOT trust the post office anymore. 
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  • redheadbride15redheadbride15 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    The invite for my brother got lost in the mail. He texted me the other day (jokingly) "I heard most people received your invitations a couple weeks ago but we didn't get one. Am I still invited or did I piss you off too much over the years?"
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  • YogaSandyYogaSandy member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    tfmrserwin said:

    I was JUST thinking about this the other day! I think this is a great point. Mail does get lost, and it would be unfortunate if any guests didn't come (or think they were not invited), just because the invite got lost in the mail and you didn't follow up.


    Yes. Our Emcee complained to his mom one day that we asked him to be our Emcee but never sent him an invitation. His mom worked with MIL and said something to her. We mailed his invite but he never got it. My grandmother also called one day crabbing at my mom because my aunt was not invited to the wedding. My mom was like what are you talking about? I saw the invitation in the box addressed and with a stamp on it. We mailed it. She never received it.

    But, all this was eleven years ago.

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  • yogablossomyogablossom member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited April 2015
    We mailed the invites from my home town, and a few of the guests who are invited also live in this town. All who live in my home town received the invite except for my cousin who lives right down the road from us. She called us and told us that her mail is lost ALL of  the time for some reason.  You never really know what to expect from the mail system!

    And it's not like we live in some boondock, backwater area--we are just north of Boston!
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