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Attire & Accessories Forum

Dress Viewing did not exactly go well... is it body issues, or is it the dress?

Snaps816Snaps816 member
25 Love Its 10 Comments
edited April 2015 in Attire & Accessories Forum
I had my dress viewing tonight.  I almost didn't even schedule one, because I thought I'd just wait until my first fitting (my shop is a long-ish drive away, and the viewings have to be on weeknights, which is kind of a pain).  But my co-worker pointed out, "don't you want to make sure it's the right dress?  That the quality looks the same as the sample?"  And so I went. I didn't bring a friend or anything, because 7:00 on a weeknight (during a snowstorm, no less) is inconvenient. I really didn't think tonight would be that big of a deal. I ended up wishing I'd brought someone for support.

I loved my dress when I tried it on shopping a few months ago... it had some fit issues due to it being a sample. The sales person said, "think how incredible it will be when it's in your proper size!" I was sold, and happy with my purchase. I've paid the first half installment. I've also lost a few pounds, 5 or 10, so I was pretty excited to see how this dress would look. 

When I tried it on I was... let down. I felt like I looked really big. Nothing was wrong with the dress, it was the correct dress, the quality was as expected and nothing was wrong with it. I guess I thought having the "correct" size would resolve some of the fit issues I had. It's an A-line dress with a very fitted waist, but this time I felt it made my stomach/hips look bulging beneath the waistband, and my boobs look a little squished and too cleavage-y.I have big boobs. I felt that overall, I looked a little squeezed into it. I had expected that, if anything, the size would be on the bigger side and they'd take it in to fit me (that's what I've always heard). But in reality, the bodice felt snug. I can't imagine how it would have been if I hadn't lost those 5 or 10 - it might not have even zipped, and there would have been tears in the dressing room.  The sales woman (who was very nice and absolutely supportive) told me, "the fit is a bride's dream, it's perfect! You're so lucky, you'll hardly need any alterations to the bodice."  She also took a few pics for me on my phone, and I wasn't very happy with how I looked in the pics. 

She also said, "I think you're being really critical of yourself, not the dress -- you look amazing!" Other sales people kept passing by and saying the same thing, but that's their job!  But I didn't feel amazing. I had fun trying on veils and hairpieces and such, and made it out of there ok. But when I got home, there were some tears. The first non-joy tears of this wedding experience. I can't tell if this is my mental state and being overly critical of myself (there is a TON of pressure to look great, also I've got some PMS and work stress happening), or if I've made a bad choice with my dress.  My wedding is 90 days away and this dress is half paid for. I loved it when I bought it (but it was the sample with a bit of imagination in play picturing the right size).  Tonight, she suggested I add a slight petticoat thing to make it more of an A-line (to less emphasize my tummy and love handles that showed through), which definitely helped. I paid another $100 to order the thing. 

Sometimes it's hard to know if I'm stuck in my own head and just being critical of my body, in which case no other dress would fix that. It's very stressful to strip down to nearly naked and let some stranger dress you. The salesgirl was a very tiny blonde and I'm a size 14. I kept wishing I could have a more average-size person come stand next to me for comparison, because I felt huge. Or, is it not a mental thing, is this dress really wrong/too small?  And if that's the case, what could I do at this point?  

I don't know. I just expected to come home tonight feeling great and excited, but instead I feel bad about myself (as if my weight loss was inconsequential and I'll never look good enough) and scared that I'm going to look bad on my wedding day. I also dread telling my mom about this because my parents are paying for this dress and I would hate to admit I didn't like it after I swore that it was "the one." She called tonight and I didn't pick up.  I was exhausted and I knew I would cry if I talked to her. On top of the fitting, I had to drive home in a snowstorm and was pretty on edge. When my fiance tried to talk to me I got choked up and told him I didn't want to go down that road. I came here instead!

Has this happened to anyone else?  Will it be different once I get the alterations going? I would just appreciate some support. 

Re: Dress Viewing did not exactly go well... is it body issues, or is it the dress?

  • Dress regret is pretty normal, and it doesn't mean you made the wrong choice. A good seamstress will be able to make it fit like a glove and flatter your shape. In the mean time, try to focus on the things that you loved about your dress when you bought it, and don't be so critical of yourself. I'm sure you'll love it again once it's fitted.


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  • I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal.  We are our own harshest critics.  I think some time and perspective may change how you feel about the dress and also the right under garments make ALL of the difference. 

    It would help if you posted a pic of you in the dress, but I'm sure you look great.  A size 14 is hardly "huge."  I too am a 12/14 and totally understand how you are feeling, sometimes you just need an impartial person to give you perspective.   

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  • i to felt some regret on my try on fitting. dress came in and she called and said if you want to come in make sure the size is right make sure it fits and its ok dress came in and size was anything but right the bust on the dress was so huge i was freaking out i told my mom this will never fit right the seemstress said dont worry we can fix the bust not a problem. i also thought the dress looked different from the sample and that the color was off but it was beacuse the dress had pick ups that until it was altered to fit me and steemed it was going to look like that. 

    my dress was a size 26 the sample at the store was a 22 and did not fit me right, 

    a good seemstress can make any dress fit you  in the end my dress came out amazing, once its altered properly you will look amazing in your dress 
  • My gown was a size 16, so I understand some of the pressure you're feeling. I remember going in for my first alteration and they had taken in the dress too much. It looked terrible! I freaked out for a minute because I thought they took it in too much and could no longer let it back out. Luckily that wasn't the case and when I went for my second fitting, the dress fit like a glove. I think it's important to have a good seamstress. I probably over-paid for my alterations, but knowing that my dress fit perfectly, minimized my own insecurities, and made me feel beautiful was 100% worth the cost. I promise it will be ok. Just make sure to communicate to your seamstress about what you like/don't like - they can do wonders!


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  • I just had a mini-version of this experience. I ordered a white sundress for pre-wedding events, and I sized up just-in-case. I've been working really hard and just recently made it into a size 16 from an 18, so the "XXL (20)" should have been loose and I should have needed to take it in a little. No, it's super snug and I have to wear a body slimmer under it.

    That part, the smaller-than-expected, is objectively real. I'm sure your dress really *does* fit you more snugly than you expected.

    The other part, where we're regretting our choices and thinking we look horrible? That's just us, partly from standing around near substantially smaller people, but mostly just because we're about a billion times more critical of ourselves than we are of others. Take a deep breath, then speak at length with your seamstress about undergarments and alterations.
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  • Thank you all for your kind words. I know most of us just mess around online killing time, but sending a stranger some kind words does make a difference sometimes. 

    Today I went to work and all of my co-workers were like "OMG how was it? Do you have pictures?!" And I felt bad being kind of like "meh." I was also slightly hung over because I drowned my sorrows in 4 glasses of wine last night.  But when I did show them the pictures, they all gasped and oohed and aaahed, and made me feel better. I love working for a mostly female company!

    Having some time to decompress, I think I've been able to deduce that my problem is that the dress looks a bit matronly. I hope my seamstress can tweak things enough to resolve that. 

    A co-worker of mine took me to lunch today, and she had some wise cheering-up words:

    Her: How many weddings do you think you've been to?
    Me: Maybe 20?
    Her: And can you recall an ugly-looking bride?
    Me: I guess not. No. 
    Her: See? Every bride looks great because she has a team of people making her look great.  And because her loved ones see her as beautiful to begin with.  You're being way too hard on yourself. You're going to look great because you're the bride and everyone is there to make you look great, and to support you!

    Those words, and yours, have cheered me up!
  • I would also like to add that when I got home last night, my fiance could tell that something was up. When he asked how it went and I said "ok," he knew it was not ok. (Because "fine" or "ok" usually mean the opposite). He could tell I was tearful and trying to hold it back. I didn't show him pictures or go into detail, but I did say that I was struggling with the pressure to look good, and feeling like I was coming up short. I do feel that I can share anything with my fiance, but i also felt that talking would lead to crying and I just didn't have the energy for it.I love him even more for respecting my boundaries when I say I don't feel like talking about something. 

    He said, "You know I love you, right?' You're always too hard on yourself. I know you're going to look beautiful, but that's beside the point."  And so I was reminded that this wedding is not about showing off my looks in an expensive dress, it's about our marriage.  
  • I definitely think you're being too hard on yourself, and most (if not all) of us have been there. When mine first came in it was huge in the bust, poochy in the belly, and stretched seemingly to its limits in the hips. But my seamstress made it all work perfectly. 

    DON'T STRESS OVER IT, and trust your seamstress to fit the dress perfectly to you. The dress should be altered, not your body!!! If you're concerned about the bodice being too tight, let her know. These things can all be fixed.

    I'm glad your FI was so supportive! 

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  • One of my best friends is going through a very similar thing. If it makes you feel better she is a size 6 and probably one of the most gorgeous ladies I know. She had looked at hundreds of dresses before shopping and EVERYTHING she looked at was a very open low back, bling on the front, nothing too big though because its a beach wedding. So in February ( not even 2 months ago) we went shopping and she found this beautiful Maggie Sottero dress that was everything she wanted. She fell in love and in fact we couldn't get her out of it. Fast forward to 6 weeks past buying it, she goes to the dress shop to meet the alterations lady and puts on the dress, and is like you, not happy and holding back tears. She called m and asked me what I thought she should do and my suggestion to her is the same to you. Go look at and try on other dresses. If you can't find anything you love better, then that should build confidence in the first dress! If you find something that solves all your issues then you know it is meant to be!
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