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What am I supposed to answer to this?! *update in comments*
Last night, my night ended with an email from my dad asking me to let him now if he could invite the people on the email, the highlighted ones were REALLy important to him and its a list of 15 people I have never met....
WTF I already told him we were not inviting any more people and that inviting those people was much more than a plate of food. 15 people would be 2 more tables and linens and centerpieces and alcohol which would be around $700.
His argument is that "my family (mom's side) is getting to invite the people they want so he should get invites too".
Ummm EXCUSE ME?! We are hosting the wedding we are paying for most of it and yes my uncle's are paying for food but even they didn't ask me to invite extra people. He has this vendetta against my mom and he thinks he is entitled to shit even if he isn't contributing one cent to the wedding our lives, NOTHING and he still owes me money.
So wise knotties, how should I respond yet again to this, now over email?
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Re: What am I supposed to answer to this?! *update in comments*
PPs are right. It's clear that he frustrates you, but you don't need advice on what to say--you know exactly what to say.
Ignoring the inevitable temper tantrum from a grown man that will no doubt ensue afterward will be a pain in the ass, but ignoring it is definitely the best option.
Stay strong! I know this is frustrating. Your dad is being a jerk, but you got this!
Hopefully those people wont show (considering they font know you and aren't getting a formal invite)
Stay strong!
lolo is dead-on with her advice. Just "no." and that's it. Trying to give reasons or explanations just opens the door to arguments. Say "no," The End. And then avoid talking to him. I spent several months not speaking to my dad and it was great. Didn't have to deal with any of his bullshit.
My mom at one point even tried to guilt-trip me and say "oooh how can you not invite your dad's cousin? [4th cousin who I've never met] They're very close. He's going to feel awful." I said, "Great, have your own party and invite him. I don't know him. He's not coming to my wedding. I'm done talking about it." Eventually she would try to bring stuff up and I would literally just say "no" and then stop talking to her. Now she gets it. When I say "no," she understands it's a boundary she can't cross because I really mean no, and she drops it.
And surprisingly, my dad has been much less of an asshole lately. We spoke a few weeks ago and he said he was sad and confused that I hadn't spoken to him in so long. I said, "Last time we spoke you were an asshole. If you are an asshole to me, you do not get to speak to me. It's that simple." It seemed to get through to him. I doubt he has permanently changed, but that's ok, because now that I've defined that boundary I'm going to stick to it. You're gonna be an asshole? Bye.
My point is to set boundaries and keep them. No. No means No. No.
My mom had a friend she insisted should be invited to my wedding, even though he ruins every event he attends with drunken rages. I said no. H said no. She wouldn't let it go, and even got my dad involved in asking to invite this guy. Finally I told her if he showed up we would call the police and both of them would be taken out of the building. I would kick my own mother out of my reception for trying to force the issue. I was prepared to follow through on my threat, and in my dress I carried two pieces of paper, one with my vows written on it, and another for the local police department. He never showed up, but I meant every word, and my mom knew that.
Likely nothing will make your dad accept no as an answer. But you don't have to allow those people to come. If they show, call security or the police. And have dad leave with his guests.