Hi, this is my first post after lurking for a long time. Sure hope I'm doing it right. Here is my situation I'm in need of a little advice on.
My FI's childhood best friend who we will call Matt and my FI used to be very close. Over the last couple years, Matt started doing a lot of drugs and basically lost it. Mixing things that should never be mixed. We can't even imagine what the combinations did to his body and mind. Everyone noticed a huge change in his personality. He gets angry lightening quick, wants to start physical fights at the drop of a hat, takes offense at everything. One day he got mad at me and threatened to break my jaw by kicking me in the face. When FI said no the hell he would not, Matt stated he would "hire a group of girls to find me and do it for him." I have also observed a very creepy, rapey vibe from him and he generally makes me uncomfortable and I fear for my own safety around him. Needless to say we haven't seen or spoken to him in many months. And needless to say, we do not want him at our wedding and we will not be inviting him. Just to give you guys an understanding as to why, there's some reasons. I read all the stickies and agree that when it comes to an abusive or dangerous person, you are not obligated to invite them.
My FI was never close to his own family and was kind of informally adopted by Matt's growing up. He calls them all his aunts and uncles and cousins and three years into our relationship, I do the same. I adore his family to death and they love me too.
So my question is, how do I explain to his family that Matt is not going to be there? I don't want anyone to be offended and wonder where Matt is, given that he and FI were as good as brothers at one point. Not all of them know the things that Matt has said to me and my FI (who he has threatened to kill more than once) but they do know we don't get along well. I don't want it to seem that I'm a bridezilla and didn't invite someone just cause I don't "like" them but invited their whole family instead. His behaviour has been kept on the down low to a lot of the family members who don't see him that much, as not to upset them. How could they understand? What do I do if he gets mad and shows up anyway? How do I answer any questions about why he's not there? There's a very good chance that he will be invited by word of mouth because people may assume. And I abhor the idea of prefacing an invite with a phone call of "hey by the way don't tell your son where our wedding is, k?" Does this come down to that? Or hiring security? Am I alienating a large portion of my guests here?
I love this board and I've learned so much here. Thanks again.