Hi guys, I'd really appreciate your input on this..
My partner and I are both females and have recently been discussing
engagement, although when I said I don't even know who's supposed to be
proposing, she responded with "I think you do know...you should feel
it". I am 99% sure she wants to propose (and I am happy with that), but
on some occasions she has also hinted that she wants to be proposed to.
To be honest, I'm somewhat confused, but we both want the element of
surprise...although I might try to clarify this again soon. She then
made a comment about how she doesn't see why two people can't do it at
the same time...ie. if the person being proposed to says yes, she can
then propose. I asked what if the ring is not on me at the time,
etc...and she just said there are ways to be creative and get around it.
She then kind of confirmed that it's a cool idea. So, I think she wants
to go first and properly surprise me (and I won't have a clue when it's
about to happen)) and then I somehow reciprocate shortly after? Does
anyone have any ideas on how this can work?!
I was thinking of either carrying the ring (not quite ready yet..)
around with me every time we go to do something or go on a trip (if the
proposal happens at home, then it'll be there!), in case she proposes?
Or...I could make a customised card (I was planning to get someone to
draw me proposing to her, in a forest..etc) and carry that around and
give to her when she proposes? It might be safer than carrying a ring...
Also, I am planning on taking her on a short, 3 night break to a luxury
forest lodge for our 2 year anniversary in July. The whole thing is a
surprise and I was thinking of also giving her a necklace there (as the
anniversary present and maybe pre-engagement gift?)...it's a necklace
with two interlocking rings/hearts, so is quite symbolic. Perhaps this
trip can be the surprise gesture and gift instead of a proposal, and
when she proposes to me (assuming it's not before this trip), I can just
give her the ring instead of planning another surprise event/trip/day?
I don't anticipate any of this happening for at least a few months, anyway!
To be honest, I am pretty confused as to whether she thinks she's proposing or I am. The topic of proposals came about during a discussion
about birthday presents..it was my birthday and she was stressing (in a
jokey way) over the necklace she got me and was saying it's probably not
the one I'd have picked myself,...was asking me where I'd like to eat,
etc. I said that I'd rather she got me any necklace that she picked out
herself (she has given me plenty of presents in the past, so not sure
why she suddenly thinks she doesn't know what I'd like! It seems like
she has just started stressing over this), than have to choose one
myself. I love the element of surprise and would rather not love the
actual necklace, but have her pick it, instead of showing her myself. I
know some people choose their engagement rings, but that's not for me.
She said that she'd rather get me things she KNOWS I'll love...with the
exception being my engagement ring, which she wants to pick out herself.
I asked why she thinks she can pick out the engagement ring, but not a
necklace, and she joked that the necklace is BEFORE the proposal, so by
the time she proposes, she'll know what ring to get. So she makes
various comments about how she'll propose...although I'm not sure if she
necessarily means first. Then she started saying how she'd want to plan
the whole proposal herself and for it to be a complete surprise (and I
have the feeling she'd wait for the right moment, rather than planning
it down to the exact day/hour), so she doesn't think it should be
discussed in advance too much. I then said it'd just be nice to know
who's meant to be proposing (in case it's very important for somebody to
propose or be proposed to), and that's when she said she thinks I
already know. It's interesting that you all say that it sounds like
she's expecting me to do it first, because I'm expecting her to! I would
really really love it for her to propose to me first...and I'm not sure
how to ask this. She said I can ask her another time (she was starting
to feel a bit unwell from the food, and said she'd like to discuss it
when she feels better...and later, she was actually unwell, so I know it
wasn't an excuse!)...but I'm not sure how to ask, after all of the
comments about not discussing it too much. Perhaps I'm overthinking, as
usual. I made a comment about how my former colleague, who's female and
married to a woman) actually discussed it with her girlfriend at the
time...and my girlfriend simply said "It's obvious that F proposed, and
not A...". She has never met either of them, so I was surprised and said
she shouldn't stereotype people, but she responded by saying sometimes
you get a feeling even with other people, so why wouldn't I get a
feeling when it comes to us. She said that A seems like the type of girl
who'd love to be proposed to...and if I had to compare, I would say I'm
more like A than F. However, a few months ago, when she was a bit
tipsy, she was joking about how I still haven't proposed. It's all very
confusing for me...she is talking about proposals and weddings non-stop
now...and even yesterday, when I asked her if I can ask something, she
immediately joked with "is this you proposing to me?". These non-stop
comments started only a couple of weeks ago and I'm not sure how to read
them.
I would really appreciate any ideas! Thanks. Sorry this is so long!