Bachelorette Party B-listing ?

Re: Bachelorette Party B-listing ?

• TrixieJess member

  

  April 2015

  Do not do either. It is incredibly rude to B-list. Why didn't you just invite these people in the first place if they were so important to you?

  Report0 Reply
• Dreamergirl8812 member

  

  April 2015

  chloe97 said:

  So my wedding is in August and my bachelorette party is in June. My friends started planning my bachelorette party right after we sent the Save the Dates in Feb, so I sent them the names/emails of the girlfriends that we sent STDs to. We have a pretty large guest list, but we're waiting on final budget details before committing to inviting other people. Since the b-party is out of town, there has been a lot of communication going out to pick dates, tell people about costs etc. Now FI and I are getting our guest list finalized and I'm realizing that there are probably 3-4 female friends who I will be inviting to the wedding that didn't get STDs. Should I invite them to the bachelorette party? I have no idea if they would want to come or not- it's in a lake resort about an hr and a half from here. But it feels weird that I wouldn't invite them to the b-party if they're invited to the wedding. But b/c many mutual friends already got invited, they will probably know they were b-listed, even without actually being b-listed for the wedding. I feel bad, I've been out of the loop with the b-party and didn't know when the communications were going out, so this didn't even occur to me until we started getting serious about finalizing the guest list this week.
  
  What would you do? I don't want the girls to feel like they were b-listed because they are getting wedding invites on schedule, but I don't know how I could make it not come across as b-listing when they are getting invited to a bachelorette party a month after everyone else.

  You want to b list people you care about, and then trick them into not knowing they're b listed? Classy.

  
  
  
  

  
  
  
  
  

  Report0 Reply
• jacques27 member

  

  April 2015

  I'm not 100% sure this is B-Listing.
  
  If you were to invite them now, would their being invited be dependent on someone else dropping out of the party?  In other words, all things being equal now, is there enough room at the lakehouse, transportation, food, etc. to include them?  Or would you only extend the invitation if one of the original invitees dropped out?  The latter would definitely be B-listing.
  
  And you said only save the dates went out, not invites.  How far out is this party?  I would definitely consider it B-listing if invites went out, but not necessarily save the dates.  I'm also a little unclear  - were there bachelorette save the dates, too?  Or did the bachelorette invites already go out?
  
  Basically, if this isn't OBVIOUS b-listing (not dependent on someone else dropping out and invites haven't already gone out), I think it's ok to invite them and play it off as "My friends planned this and then just finally ran the guest list by me and I realized you never got save the dates!  I'm so sorry and made sure they put you on the invite list."  Of course, that's assuming you actually enjoy their company and want them there.  If it's just because you have residual guilt about them being invited to the wedding but not the bachelorette, then meh.  Not everyone has to be invited to everything.
  

  Report0 Reply
• bellefemme12 member

  

  April 2015

  Well, if the formal invite hasn't been sent out, it's techinically not b-listing.  They just didn't get a save the date. You could send them an email requesting their addresses for your wedding guest list so they get the hint now that they're invited.  And then you can invite them to your bachelorette.  

  Report0 Reply
• kiwikiss56 member

  

  April 2015

  If invites haven't already gone out yet for the bachelorette party I think you are still in the clear for inviting them.
  

  Not every friend needs to be invited to the bachelorette party (limited space, just your closest friends etc.) so I think you are in the clear even if you don't invite them.  However, if they have been over to mutual friend's places and have seen your STD on the fridge they might feel B-listed to the wedding even if they aren't.  I would let them know they are invited by asking for their address or sending a STD since your wedding is still 4 months out.

  Report0 Reply
• huskypuppy14 member

  

  April 2015

  Save the dates are not required, so it's fine that they didn't get a STD. Also, since you are not hosting the bachelorette, the host should contact them, not you, if you want them invited.

  
  

  I don't consider this B listing. It was pretty much an oversight, it happens.
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  April 2015

  This isn't b-listing. It would be if you're talking formal invites but you're talking STDs here. If they'll be getting a formal invite to the wedding, of course you can invite them to the bparty

  *********************************************************************************

  
  

  

  Report0 Reply
• chloe97 member

  

  April 2015 edited April 2015

  We didn't have our guest list finalized. Like most people, I'd love to invite everyone of my good friends to my wedding, but our venue has a max capacity. We were waiting on list from parents, so now the 4 girls we weren't sure we could invite, we now know we can. Maybe I wasn't clear in my original post, but my friends went full speed ahead with the original list that I had given them when they were trying to figure out the best date for people and sent out b-party invites without double checking to see if there were additions (even though I told them the list wasn't final and there were others I wanted to add). I'm certainly not complaining that they are throwing me a thoughtful bachelorette party, I just think there was miscommunication between the ladies planning it.
  
  Anyway, would you be really annoyed if you invited a b-party 4 weeks after everyone else?? Especially when you didn't get an STD and knew others did? It feels like b-listing to me and I almost feel like I shouldn't even invite the 4 girls to my wedding, since it will be obvious that they were added last to our list now.
  
  ETA
  (And yes, of course I would not be the ones actually inviting them to the bachelorette party. I would ask my friends to).

  Report0 Reply
• AddieCake member

  

  April 2015

  This is not b-listing at all. You aren't inviting people if others drop out. We didn't send STDs to everyone we invited to things. However, are these women you actually want at the bachelorette party? They don't have to be invited just because they are invited to the wedding.

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

  Report0 Reply
• blabla89 member

  

  April 2015

  First of all, you are certainly not required to invite someone to the bachelorette party just because they are invited to the wedding. So if you aren't sure you want to invite them, no need to.
  
  Second, I don't think this is b-listing. You didn't wait to invite them after others had declined. If one of them says something about being invited late, you can say, "I'm so sorry, there was some miscommunication on my part and the hostess didn't have the full list of people to invite. Hope you can come!"
  

  

  
  
  

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• flantastic member

  

  April 2015

  If you invite them to the b-party, you had better finalize their names onto your wedding guest list. I would not send them an invite to the party later than everyone else gets one, if you really can't be sure whether they'll get invited to the wedding. If the decision about wedding guest list is really that difficult (you're clearly not that close to these girls), why are you feeling the need to invite them to the b-party so much? Just don't.

  Report0 Reply
• MyNameIsNot member

  

  April 2015

  This isn't B listing. There's nothing wrong with adding people to the guest list after STDs go out or only sending STDs to the "must invite" guests.

  
  

  I would find it odd to be invited to a travel b-party for someone that I wasn't close enough with to be on her "must invite" list. 

  Report0 Reply
• Shelly1324 member

  

  April 2015

  MyNameIsNot said:

  
  

  I would find it odd to be invited to a travel b-party for someone that I wasn't close enough with to be on her "must invite" list. 

  I have had some recent experience with this, just not exactly in the same form. I attend a college youth group and have met a couple who got engaged and were planning their wedding. I have talked to them a few times during our meetings, but wasn't shocked when I didn't get an invite to the wedding. What DID shock me, was getting invited to her bachelorette party the night of, and giving me only 15 minutes to get there and asking me to possibly pick up some booze (I'm not 21 either). It was at the bachelorette party when I got a legit verbal invite to the wedding, inviting myself and my bf.

  
  

  It was weird enough not getting an invite to the wedding and then being invited to her bachelorette party at home (and she only lives 5 minutes away from me), I can imagine what it would be like if it was travel.

  
  

  I don't see it being B-listing with just adding them (not inviting them because people have declined, leaving you more openings) As long as they are getting invites to the wedding, I don't see a problem inviting them to the party. I would just make sure you're already quite close to these girls and explain the situation to them, if you're not close it could be awkward and that's no fun.

  Report0 Reply