Guest List Drama-to invite a friend the fiance doesn't like or not?

Re: Guest List Drama-to invite a friend the fiance doesn't like or not?

• MollyandD member

  

  April 2015 edited April 2015

  This is a conversation to have with your fiancé. If you think he would just sit and hang out with mutual friends, dance a little, and enjoy himself without throwing a fit, you can invite him. You are not obligated to, but you will have to deal with any negative feelings that come from not inviting him, if you choose that option. 

  
  

  I didn't invite people that I didn't want at my wedding, and one girl is still pissed at me for it. I don't mind, because she was a jerk to me for a year before the wedding, and I don't mind severing those ties. You and your fiancé just have to decide what works for you. 

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  April 2015

  So there's this guy that your fiance hates and you don't consider yourself very close with. And you're wondering if you should invite him to your wedding. Why? I can't think of a reason you SHOULD, honestly.

  
  

  The only reason you're considering is because he's in your larger group of friends. That's not a good enough reason to invite someone you don't like. 

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  April 2015

  southernbelle0915 said:

  So there's this guy that your fiance hates and you don't consider yourself very close with. And you're wondering if you should invite him to your wedding. Why? I can't think of a reason you SHOULD, honestly.

  
  

  The only reason you're considering is because he's in your larger group of friends. That's not a good enough reason to invite someone you don't like. 

  This.  So much this.

  
  

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• bmydesigner member

  

  April 2015

  Talk to your fiancé about what he would like to do.

  
  

  But, if it were up to me I'd say to not invite him. Only because I'd want to take my fiancé's feelings into consideration. I wouldn't want him to have any feelings of negativity or anger on our wedding day.

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• MollyandD member

  

  April 2015

  southernbelle0915 said:

  So there's this guy that your fiance hates and you don't consider yourself very close with. And you're wondering if you should invite him to your wedding. Why? I can't think of a reason you SHOULD, honestly.

  
  

  The only reason you're considering is because he's in your larger group of friends. That's not a good enough reason to invite someone you don't like. 

  Agree. As I said, I chose not to invite someone just because we had mutual friends. She's pissed at me for it, and I really don't care. She was a crappy person to me. I do have to deal with her glaring at me when we are with mutual friends, but whatever. She sucks monkey balls. 

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• et09 member

  

  April 2015

  Thanks for your replies. I'm leaning towards not inviting him, as most of you have suggested, but I'd hate to offend anyone. My fiance and I have talked about it extensively and he has left the decision to me. I know he'll be fine either way, but would prefer not to have Jason there. Jason and I were a lot closer friends in the past than we are now. We use to be neighbors until I moved in with my fiance and one of my bridesmaids almost dated him, but I don't think they talk much now either. 
  

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• thisismynickname2 member

  

  April 2015

  et09 said:Thanks for your replies. I'm leaning towards not inviting him, as most of you have suggested, but I'd hate to offend anyone. My fiance and I have talked about it extensively and he has left the decision to me. I know he'll be fine either way, but would prefer not to have Jason there. Jason and I were a lot closer friends in the past than we are now. We use to be neighbors until I moved in with my fiance and one of my bridesmaids almost dated him, but I don't think they talk much now either. 
  
  
  Sounds like you won't invite him. Honestly, we left out some people in our circles too, and if people were offended, they've certainly been adult enough not to say a single thing and still be friendly at other gatherings. 

  We had a rule for inviting friends-- if we wouldn't hang out with someone one-on-one (or two-on-two, as it were) in the last year, they weren't invited. I just don't think you're (general you) that close of friends if you don't make an effort beyond larger group gatherings. 

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• redoryx member

  

  April 2015

  southernbelle0915 said:

  So there's this guy that your fiance hates and you don't consider yourself very close with. And you're wondering if you should invite him to your wedding. Why? I can't think of a reason you SHOULD, honestly.

  
  

  The only reason you're considering is because he's in your larger group of friends. That's not a good enough reason to invite someone you don't like. 

  This. Plus, just because he's part of your group of friends doesn't mean you have to invite the ENTIRE group. I've been to weddings where only part of the group is invited and others aren't, merely because some people are closer to the couple or know them better, etc.

  

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• littlepep member

  

  April 2015

  southernbelle0915 said:

  So there's this guy that your fiance hates and you don't consider yourself very close with. And you're wondering if you should invite him to your wedding. Why? I can't think of a reason you SHOULD, honestly.

  
  

  The only reason you're considering is because he's in your larger group of friends. That's not a good enough reason to invite someone you don't like. 

  This is very much true. We have a large group of friends, some of whom I don't see on a regular basis. I am friendly with them, but I just don't see them regularly enough to invite them to my wedding. We had to make cuts and unfortunately, I can't justify inviting people I only speak to once a year. They may have hurt feelings, but anyone who as planned a wedding knows how it goes. 

  
  

  Cutting down the guest list is part of life, unless you are a rich bitch with the largest venue ever. 

  

  
  

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• JBee85 member

  

  April 2015 edited April 2015

  I was in the same situation and in your shoes. I ended up not inviting the guest. One of my bridesmaids (the one who didn't invite my husband to the RD) tried to pressure me and even had the nerve why I wouldn't invite him- had to tell her "sorry, we were never close and he doesn't invite me out." I found out later that the bridesmaid left before cake cutting... To go hang out with the friend through her husband's facebook. I'm not sure whether to be upset about this on or not to be honest (would love to hear what TK says).
  
  To keep my guestlist short, I did not invite people whom I haven't been in touch with, face-to-face within the past two years. I had to cut some former friends out. I had not other problems beyond the issue with my bridesmaid.
  
  So yea... Heads up... Be prepared that Tongues will wag in excitement, one of your friends will spill the beans about your wedding to an uninvited guest, find out the friend isn't invited and may confront/ask why that person isn't invited. DO NOT CAGE TO THEIR PRESSURE AND STAND YOUR GROUND. This wedding is about you and your husband and you do not have to invite friends who aren't clo(unless they are SOs of your intended guest).

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• et09 member

  

  April 2015

  You have all
  made me feel much better about not putting him on the final guest list. I don't know what I'll do if I get a lot of backlash from friends through. I guess I could feel out the situation using another friend in the group I'm not inviting. We've never been that close beyond small talk at gatherings and he moved about two years ago for a new job. He was a groomsmen at other people in the group's weddings. I don't feel bad not inviting him because we rarely see each other and never hung out on our own. If the response from my friends is overwhelming about him, I guess I could reconsider my decision about Jason.
  
  We have a strict 150 person limit on our guest list (that's the largest
  amount the venue holds) and we are at about that now, so cutting a
  person here or there would definitely make me feel more comfortable. He lives
  in the city where we are having our wedding so if invited I'm sure he'd
  come. Also the fiance and I are going to be moving to a new city few
  months (yes, before the wedding, craziness) so chances of staying friends with Jason the future are slim to none. 

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• lovegood90 member

  

  April 2015

  et09 said:

  You have all made me feel much better about not putting him on the final guest list. I don't know what I'll do if I get a lot of backlash from friends through. I guess I could feel out the situation using another friend in the group I'm not inviting. We've never been that close beyond small talk at gatherings and he moved about two years ago for a new job. He was a groomsmen at other people in the group's weddings. I don't feel bad not inviting him because we rarely see each other and never hung out on our own. If the response from my friends is overwhelming about him, I guess I could reconsider my decision about Jason.
  
  We have a strict 150 person limit on our guest list (that's the largest amount the venue holds) and we are at about that now, so cutting a person here or there would definitely make me feel more comfortable. He lives in the city where we are having our wedding so if invited I'm sure he'd come. Also the fiance and I are going to be moving to a new city few months (yes, before the wedding, craziness) so chances of staying friends with Jason the future are slim to none. 

  Yeah, if you're already at venue capacity then definitely don't invite him. That could get very messy very fast if you over-invite. Especially because if he has a significant other it would be 2 extra people.

  Formerly martha1818

  

  
  

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  April 2015

  I think PPs have covered it, but just as an aside, remember that not every guest has to get an STD. If you don't send him an STD, but then get close to the wedding and feel that you're closer friends than you are now, you can still send him an invitation. It just doesn't work the other way around.

  
  

  It doesn't seem like you're likely to get any closer to him than you are now, but I just wanted to chime in and remind you that you can put off the final decision for a while for anyone you aren't 100% certain about.  

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• futuremrshp member

  

  April 2015

  Just piling on.  Don't feel bad.  There was someone in our circle that my FI did not like (but she was outwardly rude to him and never apologized to him for it).  There were hints of mutual friends trying to shoehorn her into the wedding but that stopped.

  Additionally, we had a general rule that if we hadn't really hung out frequently for the past year or what not, then you're not invited.  I know there are a few coworkers who probably felt entitled, but we had to be very clear on who we wanted there. 

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• flantastic member

  

  April 2015

  We've been invited to some weddings where a few others, who we would consider to be in the same friend group, were not invited. We just figured the couple wasn't as close to them as to us, and that was fine. Now we've got two more weddings upcoming in this friend group, and we'd never assume that all the people we consider close friends would or should be invited.

  You might offend Jason by not inviting him - who cares. He has no right to be offended, and you're not that close. You shouldn't offend anyone else either by not inviting him.

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• drunkenwitch member

  

  April 2015

  There have been several weddings I wasn't invited too.  I knew the couple, we had mutual friends, we were certainly friendly with one another, we just weren't friends.  I was never offended or hurt when I was not invited to a wedding.  Weddings are expensive and you have to draw the line somewhere on the guest list.  I never believe I am entitled to an invitation to anything, let alone a wedding. 

  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  April 2015

  If you aren't a close friend of Jason and your FI hates him, why do you want to invite him? I think you should have a stronger reason than common friends.

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• huskypuppy14 member

  

  April 2015

  et09 said:

  Hi Everyone!
  
  My fiance and I are in the processes of finalizing our guest list to send save-the-dates. Everything is going fine, but there is one guest in particular we're having trouble with. This guest, "Jason", is a not a particularly close friend of mine, but he is in my friend group. He was the best man at a good friend's wedding and I frequently invite him to casual parties, dinners, brunches, etc, that I host. The problem is that my fiance hates him and Jason isn't especially kind to my fiance either. The main reason Jason and the fiance hate each other stems mostly from ideological and political differences. Also Jason is a bit immature.
  
  Anyway, I can't decide if Jason should be invited or not. I don't expect him to be disruptive at the wedding, but he did cause a bit of problem at a party I hosted (threatened to leave) when things weren't exactly as he wanted. I want to invite him so he doesn't feel left out and if I don't I'm sure I'll get questions from my friends, however, I also want to make my fiance happy. It is his wedding too after all!
  
  Thanks for your help! I'm sure I'm not the only one to have this kind of problem!
  

  If this is only for save the dates, don't send him one. You can always decide to send him an invitation when the time comes, but once you send a STD you have to invite the person.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• larrygaga member

  

  April 2015 edited April 2015

  My FI has a friend that I always just hated. For no serious reason, he just grated at me.

  
  

  FI was kind of like a pity friend for this guy. He was always hated in school by everyone and my FI was always pretty nice to him. Not because he liked him, but because he is a swell guy. FI doesn't go out of his way to invite this friend to places, but when the friend shows up FI is super nice and treats the situation like he was invited. Dude is a big loser.

  
  

  My FI knows a thing or two about being gracious and classy. I always said he is not allowed to show up at our home, never invite him inside. You can go out and play hockey or go to a bar, I don't care, but I don't want his greasy nasty ass sleeping on our couch. That was our agreement.

  
  

  Anyway, FI asked me how we would go about inviting this guy to our wedding. I said it's okay, because obviously I won't even have time to be annoyed by him because I'll be busy focusing on everything and everyone else. I can't like everyone coming to the wedding. So FI has been trying to get his address, but says that the friend isn't giving his new address to him. Invites were sent a few weeks ago, so as far as I know this friend isn't coming. I'm not asking anymore because I truly don't want this guy at my wedding, but that's just me being a spoiled brat and I know it. If he comes I will be a lovely host.

  
  

  Anyway, that is how I can relate to your story. You can't just not invite people you don't like if you have a strong bond with them. Like family! However, if he is just a friend that you guys don't like, don't invite him! If his coming is important to one of you, the other needs to realize that one person can't ruin your wedding unless he's like shooting up the place. 

  
  

  Protip: Keep your wedding off facebook and your damage control will be minimal. I swear facebook is the number 1 cause of people thinking they are invited due to oversharing.

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• chloe97 member

  

  April 2015

  My old roommate HATED my FI, only because he was over a lot and took away from my quality time. She was a flat out bitch to him every time he was over, but fine to me when he left. She eventually moved out, he moved in. We still chat when we see each other, but we don't go out of our way to hang out. I did at one point consider a very close friend, but I'm not inviting her to my wedding. Why? Because she was constantly rude to my FI. That's enough of a reason. It's possible that our friendship will recover eventually and we could be close again, but I'm not backing down on this one. On my wedding day, I want people who love and support both of us, not ones that love and support only one of us.

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