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PSA: Yes, your body belongs to you (not me).

What is it about weddings that gives brides (or grooms) the impression that they can control other people's bodies?  A few weeks ago, one of Fi's GM asked me if he should shave the beard he's been growing for years.  My sister wanted to make sure I was okay with her giant back tattoo showing (yeah, pretty sure that piece makes up 10% of your skin-- I wouldn't recognize you without it).  And just now, one of my BMs texted me to ask for permission to dye her hair.  I told her to go crazy and I love her no matter what she looks like.  Then this BM told me that she purposely chose her dress to hide her back tattoo because she "doesn't want to ruin any pics!"

So to all BP members, past, present, or future: your body is yours.  Nothing about the fact that somebody you love is getting married gives that person any right to control your body.  The bride or groom probably loves you exactly because you are the kind of person who would have a full back tattoo with wings and roses, or pink hair, or a hipster beard.  Any friend worth their salt only cares that you are comfortable and happy.  And any friend who tells you to change a single thing about your body for the sake of their wedding pictures is a pretty terrible person.

The BM in question is dying one side of her (currently platinum blonde) hair in rainbow colors.  I can't wait to see it.
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"I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

Re: PSA: Yes, your body belongs to you (not me).

  • Girl, preach!

    My sister likes to dye her hair all different colors. For the last several years, it's been varying amount of hot pink. Before my wedding, she asked me if I wanted her to dye her hair back to "normal". I told her I gave no fucks what color her hair was. Quite frankly, I wasn't sure I'd recognize her without her pink hair. No pictures would be ruined. I honestly didn't care. She ended up dying her hair black right before the wedding, which made me sad.
    ~*~*~*~*~

  • yep exactly what I have been telling people asking me about shoes, accesories, hair make up, etc and I am like as long as you are happy and comfortable I dont care! 


  • Yeah... I'm not sure I'll get any of this, because my girls aren't the type to let someone else tell them what to do with their bodies, but I give exactly no shits. They can have pink hair with purple polka dots if they want. The only color I am not a fan of (and even then I wouldn't say anything in relation to my wedding) is green, because I can only think of that joke from when I was a kid:
    "How did your hair get pink?"
    "I dyed it!"
    "How did your hair get green?"
    *wipes runny nose with hand, rubs hand in hair* "I dunno."

    My sister has half her head shaved, and the half that's shaved is currently black and the half that's long is in step one of going silver (which is an ashy blonde). It looks faaaaaaantastic. She loves it. Why would I want her to go "normal" when it's something she paid good money to enjoy?
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  • Goddamn Surface Pro won't let me gif (I'm in the damn normal browser, damn it!) but:


    PREACH.

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    This baby knows exactly how I feel
  • In addition to this attitude regarding accepting whatever looks your WP rocks on a normal basis, do you think there will ever come a time when it becomes the accepted norm to allow them to wear whatever they want just like any other wedding guest? When their only duties will be to show up on time and relatively sober and stand up with you as you are married.

    I think it's trending toward this and the tradition of matchy-matchy is dying out. I love that it's moving in that direction personally.
  • My BMs had dresses that didn't remotely match (black, of their own choosing), hair of their own choosing, makeup of their own choosing, and lots of tattoos. I got them matching wraps and necklaces but they could be worn however- I saw long strands, chokers, bracelets, etc. I got them necklaces because they kept worrying about matching and wraps in case it was cold.

    I got so many questions about hair and tattoos. It was hilarious. I even had a friend suggest that she not stand up for me because she just found out she was pregnant when I asked.

    My BMs looked amazing because they looked like happily dressed up versions of themselves.
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  • Goddamn Surface Pro won't let me gif (I'm in the damn normal browser, damn it!) but:


    PREACH.

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  • falsarafalsara member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited April 2015

    It is slightly ridiculous.  I already chose my girls, but that's because they're my sisters.  A few of them have tattoos, when we all went dress shopping they all said "Hey, we can cover up our tats if you want."  My response "hell no, you earned ever single one of those."

                                               

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  • One of my BMs asked if I wanted her to grow her hair out. I'm like I do not care what you do with your hair. It's yours. Do whatever makes you happy.
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  • Preach!

    I love that matchy matchy isn't always the norm now. The wedding I'm in this fall will be, but no way would the bride demand we change our hair or cover tattoos for it.

    I have 0 regrets of letting my girls pick all their own things. Their dresses were totally different, hairstyles what they wanted, jewellery all random. I do laugh that one MOH forgot to take off one of her bracelets she made and felt bad that it got a close up in a photo. I couldn't care less.
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  • Two of my bridesmaids are pregnant and they were so worried I would be pissed.

    What about being a bride makes people forget that you are down to earth?

    I get a nephew and possibly a niece or nephew and I am so excited. So what you have a belly and can't drink on my wedding day?
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  • One of H's friends who was supposed to be in our wedding party actually got upset with me because I told her I didn't care what she did with her hair. It was really bright pink and she was almost rabid about assuring me it would be back to normal by the wedding. I kept telling her it as her hair and I was fine with however she wanted it to look, that it wasn't my right to dictate her hair. She said I must not care about her or like her very much if I didn't care about her hair ruining pictures. She said I was jealous of her place in H's life and I needed to stop thinking I was better than everyone. It wasn't the first or last of her crazy antics. 
  • One of H's friends who was supposed to be in our wedding party actually got upset with me because I told her I didn't care what she did with her hair. It was really bright pink and she was almost rabid about assuring me it would be back to normal by the wedding. I kept telling her it as her hair and I was fine with however she wanted it to look, that it wasn't my right to dictate her hair. She said I must not care about her or like her very much if I didn't care about her hair ruining pictures. She said I was jealous of her place in H's life and I needed to stop thinking I was better than everyone. It wasn't the first or last of her crazy antics. 

    She must not think very highly of her own tastes/style.
  • geebee908 said:

    One of H's friends who was supposed to be in our wedding party actually got upset with me because I told her I didn't care what she did with her hair. It was really bright pink and she was almost rabid about assuring me it would be back to normal by the wedding. I kept telling her it as her hair and I was fine with however she wanted it to look, that it wasn't my right to dictate her hair. She said I must not care about her or like her very much if I didn't care about her hair ruining pictures. She said I was jealous of her place in H's life and I needed to stop thinking I was better than everyone. It wasn't the first or last of her crazy antics. 

    She must not think very highly of her own tastes/style.
    it is like she's whining that her attempt at rebellious hair/style isn't affecting people like it should.  She's mad because she wants the bride to hate her hair and freak that it will ruin her pix, and since the bride doesn't mind at all, it's like wait why am I doing this then if people aren't shocked by it anymore.
  • kvruns said:

    geebee908 said:

    One of H's friends who was supposed to be in our wedding party actually got upset with me because I told her I didn't care what she did with her hair. It was really bright pink and she was almost rabid about assuring me it would be back to normal by the wedding. I kept telling her it as her hair and I was fine with however she wanted it to look, that it wasn't my right to dictate her hair. She said I must not care about her or like her very much if I didn't care about her hair ruining pictures. She said I was jealous of her place in H's life and I needed to stop thinking I was better than everyone. It wasn't the first or last of her crazy antics. 

    She must not think very highly of her own tastes/style.
    it is like she's whining that her attempt at rebellious hair/style isn't affecting people like it should.  She's mad because she wants the bride to hate her hair and freak that it will ruin her pix, and since the bride doesn't mind at all, it's like wait why am I doing this then if people aren't shocked by it anymore.
    NavyBlue143 for not giving in. 
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  • I've been asked about 8 times what color my hair will be for an upcoming wedding that I'm in. The bride is getting more and more short tempered when my answer EVERY time has been I don't know. I honestly don't, I fluctuate from brunette to blonde occasionally with high lights or low lights the transition. 

    How the hell am I supposed to know what color my hair will be in 5 months? Plus I don't do any "weird" colors so why does it matter what color it is? 
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  • Honestly I don't know what to say. I want to blame how brides are portrayed in the movies for why some brides think they can control stuff like hair colour, tattoos, etc. But then I think that those characters in movies had to based on someone, right?
  • One of my BMs called me to ask "permission" to cut her hair.  I said "WTF?!?!  Why wouldn't you???  " and she said "I didn't want to ruin any vision you had for pictures."

    OY
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  • twoleighs said:

    One of my BMs called me to ask "permission" to cut her hair.  I said "WTF?!?!  Why wouldn't you???  " and she said "I didn't want to ruin any vision you had for pictures."


    OY
    My best friend (BM) asked me the same thing. I told her to do what she wanted, it was her hair! I guess she was worried because we had talked about having everyone with their hair half up/half down and she didn't think she'd be able to do that. (I just want to note that I was not requiring their hair to be any particular way. They asked my opinion, I told them I was having my hair pulled back in front with curls in back, and they said they wanted to do the same.) We figured out a way that her hair would be able to be out of her face- I was having an outside wedding and hair in face + lipstick/gloss can get annoying easily.

    My sister (MOH) was worried I would be mad when she announced her pregnancy and that she would be about 7-8 months at my wedding. My only concerns were that she usually gets sick when she's pregnant and I wanted her to be able to enjoy herself the day of, and that we had already ordered her dress but we were able to get it in a bigger size and get it altered.

    I never even thought for a second to ask my other friend/BM to cover her tattoos. You can see them in some of the pictures, and I think it's awesome. 

    My MIL asked me about a million times what color dress I wanted her to wear. 
  • lc07lc07 member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    geebee908 said:

    In addition to this attitude regarding accepting whatever looks your WP rocks on a normal basis, do you think there will ever come a time when it becomes the accepted norm to allow them to wear whatever they want just like any other wedding guest? When their only duties will be to show up on time and relatively sober and stand up with you as you are married.

    I think it's trending toward this and the tradition of matchy-matchy is dying out. I love that it's moving in that direction personally.

    YES! I cannot wait for this to happen. And JC, you are spot on, as always. *high five*
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