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And he continues being an a-hole! Dad Vent

JaniV123JaniV123 member
First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
in Chit Chat
Remember my dad pushing about inviting 15 more people, I told him no and he continued to push. Well he stopped calling me and messaging me and he has moved on to FI. 

He called FI yesterday to tell him about these people and how important they are to him and told FI to sit down and talk to me into some reason and get me to see that he would be willing to pay for these people because they have helped him so much during his illness. 

I was so enraged with that shit like seriously he is incapable of understanding the meaning of NO. He can't stand that I told him no and he wants to get his way because no one ever tells him no. We are 90% convinced he already invited these people behind our backs. So now we have to sit down and figure out security. 

I am very much pissed the F off


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Re: And he continues being an a-hole! Dad Vent

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    OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    JaniV123 said:

    Remember my dad pushing about inviting 15 more people, I told him no and he continued to push. Well he stopped calling me and messaging me and he has moved on to FI. 


    He called FI yesterday to tell him about these people and how important they are to him and told FI to sit down and talk to me into some reason and get me to see that he would be willing to pay for these people because they have helped him so much during his illness. 

    I was so enraged with that shit like seriously he is incapable of understanding the meaning of NO. He can't stand that I told him no and he wants to get his way because no one ever tells him no. We are 90% convinced he already invited these people behind our backs. So now we have to sit down and figure out security. 

    I am very much pissed the F off
    Sorry he can't take no for an answer.  Did you call your dad back and tell him you and FI are a united front so a no from you is also a no from him? 
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    blabla89blabla89 member
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    "Dad, please understand that there will not be seats or food for these people, and they will be turned away. That would be terribly embarrassing for you, and we would hate for it to happen."
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    littlepeplittlepep member
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    blabla89 said:

    "Dad, please understand that there will not be seats or food for these people, and they will be turned away. That would be terribly embarrassing for you, and we would hate for it to happen."

    This is a good response. 

    Your dad is acting incredibly bratty and selfish. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this!
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    lovegood90lovegood90 member
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    That is so frustrating. Definitely get security, even if it's just to prove your point.

    Formerly martha1818

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    mrsdee15mrsdee15 member
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    blabla89 said:

    "Dad, please understand that there will not be seats or food for these people, and they will be turned away. That would be terribly embarrassing for you, and we would hate for it to happen."

    Ugh, I'm sorry, that is so frustrating he tried to go behind your back.  I'd go with this response. Assigned seating and security are your friend in this situation.  I hope your FI told him he still isn't getting those guests.
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    classicalandedgyclassicalandedgy member
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    Wow, that really sucks.  This is some shit that would actually make me un-invite him!  Not that I am actually recommending you do that.  I know etiquette wise this is a big no-no and you should not have to stoop to his level.  But shit would I want to. 

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    thespeshulestsnowflakethespeshulestsnowflake member
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    Maybe this is because I just caught up on the Feminism thread, but WTF with him telling your FI to sit you down and talk sense into you?!
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    novella1186novella1186 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    JFC. That is super annoying. How did your FI respond to him? (And why did he even asnwer his phone?) 

    I like the responses PP mentioned above. If your dad can't take no for an answer, then he can face the consequences. 

    You and your FI should be sure to stay on the same page about how you want to respond to your dad's bullshit. When I started therapy to learn how to deal with my family, my therapist advised me to walk out of the room (as have knotties) when he gets psycho. 

    So I sat down with FI and said, "Follow my lead. If he gets psycho, we're leaving the room. If I walk out, you walk out." Because my dad has definitely tried to appeal to FI when I put my foot down about something. Luckily, FI always sides with me and he's not afraid to also put his foot down. 

    When my dad threw an epic tantrum over the guest list, FI was in the room, and got fed up, so he said, "Ya know, it's my wedding too, and I have close friends I didn't get to invite because we don't have the space or the budget, so I don't know why you think you should get to invite everyone you know." My dad shut up real fucking quick after that. 

    United front. No from you means no from BOTH of you. 
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    JaniV123JaniV123 member
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    Yup FI backed me up and told him no and even told him we told my grandmother No as well and he doesnt give a shit. 

    I will tell him about the security but I will possibly have to threaten him with being kicked out as well


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    novella1186novella1186 member
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    JaniV123 said:

    Yup FI backed me up and told him no and even told him we told my grandmother No as well and he doesnt give a shit. 


    I will tell him about the security but I will possibly have to threaten him with being kicked out as well
    Yeah I feel like at this point, I'd say "If one extra person comes, they get YOUR invite." Or something to that effect. He's being fucking ridiculous. I'd have run out of patience and kindness by now. 
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    JaniV123JaniV123 member
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    Maybe this is because I just caught up on the Feminism thread, but WTF with him telling your FI to sit you down and talk sense into you?!
    Yup FI was astounded because this is sadly not the first chauvinist comment he has made. But that is another fight. 
    KatieinBkln said:

    Honestly, I would be furious too. I think my response would be: "Dad, grow up. These people aren't invited, they won't be allowed in, and if I hear one more word from you about it, then you won't be welcome either. Try and test me."

    yes to this and to the bolded I told FI last night he is looking to get on my bad side again and have me cut him out of my life for a couple of years.  (I did just that about 4 years ago and didnt speak to him, see him, or care about him for over 18 months) 


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    JaniV123JaniV123 member
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    OliveOilsMom said:

    JaniV123 said:

    Remember my dad pushing about inviting 15 more people, I told him no and he continued to push. Well he stopped calling me and messaging me and he has moved on to FI. 


    He called FI yesterday to tell him about these people and how important they are to him and told FI to sit down and talk to me into some reason and get me to see that he would be willing to pay for these people because they have helped him so much during his illness. 

    I was so enraged with that shit like seriously he is incapable of understanding the meaning of NO. He can't stand that I told him no and he wants to get his way because no one ever tells him no. We are 90% convinced he already invited these people behind our backs. So now we have to sit down and figure out security. 

    I am very much pissed the F off
    Sorry he can't take no for an answer.  Did you call your dad back and tell him you and FI are a united front so a no from you is also a no from him? 
    Not yet but I will. I was so angry and so tired yesterday I played some killing video game to let out my anger. I will call him but I need to be stern and coherent not angry and ranting. So When that happens that will probably be an update.


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    HeffalumpHeffalump member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Is this a control issue with him?  Because honestly, I'm sure you're a lovely and wonderful person, but are these friends who helped him through his illness going to poison him or jump off a cliff because they weren't invited to your wedding?  From where I sit, it seems like if it wasn't this, it would be some other insane drama.  Sorry you have to deal with this.  Definitely ditto PP on 1) security (ugh) and 2) your FI making you see reason.  (I would gif a giant eyeroll on #2, but TK keeps putting these giant breaks between my text and gifs--I think it's a Firefox thing?)
    �
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    JaniV123JaniV123 member
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    @heffalump yep that is precisely what it is. He is a manipulative controlling a-hole who can't live without getting his way, especially if its a power thing with my mom because he is sooo mature. 

    And his chauvinistic comments enrage me so much I can't put it into words, luckily FI is a super feminist man and he laughs at my dad's intent. 


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    ohannabelleohannabelle member
    First Answer First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    On the bright side-
    Wow! Look at your weight loss ticker- you're halfway there, already! 
    I'm impressed. You're kicking ass. 

    (Stick to your guns, let Dad know that he'll be really embarrassed if his guests  are turned away, and done.)
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    JaniV123JaniV123 member
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    ohannabelle said:

    On the bright side-

    Wow! Look at your weight loss ticker- you're halfway there, already! 
    I'm impressed. You're kicking ass. 

    (Stick to your guns, let Dad know that he'll be really embarrassed if his guests  are turned away, and done.)
    Thanks @ohannabelle!! I hope to get to my target or at least 5 more pounds before the wedding! :) 


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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    edited June 2015
    .
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    JaniV123JaniV123 member
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    @pinkrevenge I love that idea of evil laughter hahaha 

    thanks for making me feel better ladies


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